love

Ditch the Excuses, Try Yoga

6184 views

The title may be a little aggressive but your body asked me to tell you that. Why? Every day, more and more research comes out about the benefits of yoga. You may have heard yoga is good for depression, lowering stress and anxiety, reducing inflammation, etc.etc., but maybe despite the endless benefits, you’re still hesitant to try yoga.

The first time I tried yoga, I was 22 years old. I took a class with my sister at the community college. During savasana (a resting pose at the end of each class where you just lie on your back), I thought, “This is stupid. Why am I taking an hour long exercise class to just sit here for the last five minutes? What a waste of time.” Clearly, I was missing the point. And so are you if you’ve said any of these things about yoga.

“I’m not flexible enough to do yoga.”

This is like saying you are not in shape enough to go to the gym. Sure, a lot of people who do yoga are flexible, but yoga is more about your mental and emotional flexibility than physical flexibility. No one ever achieved enlightenment by touching their toes or putting their leg behind their head. That’s not where the answers are. The answers lie within and yoga helps us go within. That said, if going within isn’t what you’re ready for right now, of course yoga can help you become more physically flexible. Keep in mind that if flexibility was really the key, Cirque du Soleil performers would be the wisest gurus on the planet.

“It’s too hard.”

I used to play bass guitar and people would ask me, “Oh, is that easy?” (I don’t know why, presumably it seemed easier because it had four strings?) I would always answer, “Not if you want to do it well.” Nothing is easy if you want to do it well. Yoga is the same, but that doesn’t mean it has to be hard. There is yoga for everybody  and there is yoga for every BODY. Seriously. Be smart about how and where you start, however. When I began playing the bass, I wasn’t slapping like Les Claypool at my first lesson. So don’t pick a hot, 90-minute, power flow yoga class for your first time. Start with a beginner class or a gentle class.

The temptation when going to your first class is to make sure you’re “doing it right” so you can look like everyone else. More than anything though, you should listen to your body. Not listening to our bodies is how we get hurt. Remember, the instructor is a guide. If a pose doesn’t seem right, modify it. Pay attention to how it feels. It’s your body and it’s your practice.

“I could never wear those little yoga pants.” Or “I’m too intimidated.”

Sure, there are plenty of yoga studios where the teachers look like models and everyone is wearing coordinating $200 yoga outfits, but there are even more where that is not the case. It’s easy to find them. Look at their websites. Find a teacher that says “yoga is for everybody” or something similar. That’s the teacher to try. And wear whatever you damn well please, as long as it’s comfortable. (Incidentally, that’s  good rule for life, too.)

“I’m too old.”

There is chair yoga, senior yoga, gentle yoga, restorative yoga. This woman makes your argument invalid.

“But I’m Christian.”

Yoga is not a religion. You do not have to be Hindu or Buddhist or anything else to practice yoga. The practice of yoga can often become very spiritual though, and by deepening your connection to yourself, you may deepen your connection to the divine. If you’re still not convinced, you can find a more in-depth article about Christianity and yoga here.

One of my teacher’s teachers, Erich Schiffmann said this of yoga:

One of the main themes I always want to reiterate is that Yoga is a lifestyle. Yoga is about the way you do your life, not just part of the time, but all the time. The profound working hypothesis for how to do this, and this is the summation sentence at the end of many pages of figuring things out, is this:

THINK LESS and LISTEN MORE

because when you do KNOWING flows in,

and then GIVE EXPRESSION

to what you find yourself Knowing,

whether you can explain it yet or not.

It took having a stroke to slow me down enough to appreciate yoga. A stroke disconnects the mind and the body in such a startling way. One of the hardest things about recovering from my stroke (or probably any major health crisis) was the lack of trust I had in my own body. I was never sure what I was going to be able to do or not do, from putting on a sock to riding my bike. So for a long time, I just didn’t do much. As a result, I became more fearful and less sure of myself.

It’s not just something as dramatic as a stroke that disconnects us from our bodies. Our constant internet access may make us feel more connected to each other but now we’re even less present in our physical reality than ever before. I’m guilty of this myself–texting while I’m walking the dog, talking on the phone while driving (handsfree of course), shoving food in my mouth as I’m running out the door. All of these things are keeping us from really listening to our bodies. So when they don’t work how we expect them to, when they get sick or break down, we feel like they’ve betrayed us. In reality, by constantly ignoring our bodies, we are the ones betraying our bodies.

Try a yoga class. Listen to your body. I promise it will thank you.

My yoga practice has brought me back to myself by teaching me how to really be in my own body. It has restored the mind/body connection that I wasn’t sure I’d ever get back. I’m so grateful for yoga that I became a yoga teacher last year. Just like any good teacher, I will forever remain a student. So now when I take a class, during savasana I think, “please, just five more minutes here.”

WARNING!

Doing yoga may cause the hear-yoga-does-encouragement-ecard-someecardsfollowing side effects:

  • Love (of self, of others, of life)
  • Calm
  • Happiness
  • Patience
  • Being nicer to people
  • Knowing yourself
  • More flexibility- mentally, emotionally, and physically
  • Desire to wear fun pants

Have you experienced the benefits of yoga? How has it affected your life?

We Need Your Help

More people than ever are reading Hormones Matter, a testament to the need for independent voices in health and medicine. We are not funded and accept limited advertising. Unlike many health sites, we don’t force you to purchase a subscription. We believe health information should be open to all. If you read Hormones Matter, like it, please help support it. Contribute now.

Yes, I would like to support Hormones Matter. 

Photo by kike vega on Unsplash.

This article was published originally in July 2016. 

Love Hurts – Sex with Endometriosis

7538 views

 “Bolts of electricity shoot around my abdomen and pelvis and down my leg as I lie on the pillow-topped hotel mattress, attempting in vain to remain silent. My husband’s arm, heavy from sleep, is draped over my aching body. I turn to look at him as he snores softly, blissfully unaware. No one told me the wedding night the night I dreamed about, would end with unbearable pain. Is this normal? Should it have felt like shards of glass stabbing me while moved inside me? I try not to let him hear me crying as I close my eyes and try to ignore the sharp electric-like currents terrorizing my body…

There is no one to speak to. I am the sole occupant of a vast and desolate island on which my innermost secrets cannot be shared, not even with my husband. Who to speak to? What to say? What to do when the event that should bring pulsating all-encompassing passion brings only excruciating pain instead? Who to tell when the one act that should create ecstasy and bliss causes pure agony?  I should adore the sense of unity I feel with my husband when we are together, treasure each second that my body fuses with his. But, instead, all I feel is the white-hot sear of pain when he enters me, the blackness of despair when I know that I cannot share my pain with him and the blushing red of embarrassment when he knows I am not being honest…

How can I share the feelings of torture that overwhelm my body when he is inside of me? How can I let him know that he, my beloved husband, is the cause of my misery? How can I share with him that his body alone creates immense wretchedness in mine. I will never do that to him. I will never make him aware that he is the source of the agony that rocks my body through and through. Instead, I will live with this agonizing, heart-wrenching secret of mine. This secret that isolates me, that creates a fissure so large between me and my husband that I wonder if we will survive as one. And I will continue to allow my body to be exposed to the beatings and abuse that are, in reality, tender loving touch.” 

Sound familiar anyone? Can you relate? Do you know what this girl means when she describes the pure agony that consumes her as she tries to have sex with her partner? Or the emotional turmoil she experiences as she tries to hide the pain from her partner? Well my friends, that girl is me, writing in my journal for the first year of my marriage.

You see, for many women with endometriosis, myself included, sex is not the erotic, passionate and pleasurable experience that we all wish it to be. In fact, according to a recent study in Italy, more than half of women with endometriosis experience dyspareunia, or genital pain associated with sex. Two types of dyspareunia exist. The first type, called superficial dyspareunia, is when the pain is felt at the opening of the vagina, and the lower part of the vagina. This pain is usually felt during the act of penetration and can easily be diminished by ceasing penetration. The second type, called deep dyspareunia, is felt deeper in the pelvis and thighs and can last for hours or even days. Women who have endometriosis, specifically recto-vaginal endometriosis and endometriosis on the cul-de-sac experience this type. There are many medical causes for dyspareunia other than endometriosis, such as vulvodynia, vulvar vestibulitis and interstitial cystitis. While this condition has historically been defined as a psychological issue, more recent treatment approaches lean towards the theory that dyspareunia is a combination of both physical and psychological causes. (More on dyspareunia theories).

In women with endometriosis, physical pain during sex is due to the presence of lesions found all over our insides, specifically behind the vagina and in the lower parts of the uterus. Having anything inside of us pushing or stretching those growths causes sheer agony, also described as burning, stabbing or deeply aching pain. It is intolerable, enough to make us scream, cry, or even throw up. This pain can start as early as the beginning of penetration and last up to 24-48 hours later. Women with endometriosis who have had a hysterectomy or who are going through hormonal treatments may experience pain due to vaginal dryness as well.

Dyspareunia has also been connected with more negative emotional attitudes towards sexuality as a whole. Studies have found that complaints of pain with sex are associated with low physical and emotional satisfaction, as well as decreased general happiness. Depression and anxiety were found more often in women with dyspareunia than control subjects.

Experiencing dyspareunia causes a loneliness inside of us that is worse than the most agonizing pain. Aside from simply not being able to connect sexually with people that we care about, we often feel compelled to hide our feelings from our loved ones so as not to hurt them. We would rather harm ourselves than tell our partners that they are hurting us. Keeping that a secret from them isolates us terribly, and fills us with a guilt that eats at our hearts. We are also consumed with incredibly strong guilt stemming from our inability to allow our partners the pleasure we know they deserve.

Fear of rejection is also a large part of the emotional pain associated with sex. We worry that our pain will cause our partners to reject us, whether because they have sexual needs that are lacking, or because they don’t want to cause us any harm. Ironically, many of us have experienced the strange situation in which we find ourselves begging our partners to have sex with us even though we know we will suffer.  Aside from the pain experienced by those of us actually suffering with this disease, it is also important to mention the emotional anguish that our partners who don’t have endometriosis go through. They too have feelings of rejection when we refuse to have sex, and can sometimes feel insecure about the relationship. Unfortunately, their need to be loved and love another is sometimes inadvertently ignored.

Due to endometriosis-associated dyspareunia, sex is often a dreaded nightmare fraught with worry. We worry that we’ll have unbearable pain if we choose to have sex and that we will offend our partners if we choose not to have sex. We worry that when we do want to have sex our partners will refuse for fear of hurting us. Instead of bringing us closer to our partners, sex puts a strain on the relationship that is hard to overcome.

This post was published previously on Hormones Matter in January 2013. 

 

I’m Sexy and I Know It, Sometimes – Sexual Attraction Chemistry

3040 views

Have you, or possibly your partner, ever wondered if there really was a link between your menstrual cycle and sexual attraction? Perhaps you have noticed that during certain times of the month something is not quite right and whatever it is, it seems to affect your ability to concentrate. Scientists have as well.

Evolution, the Menstrual Cycle, and Sexual Attraction

Since the dawn of humankind, women have been programmed to think and act in such a way that helps us find the perfect mate with the best genes to make the best babies; survival of the fittest. However, the conditions and interactions are not as clear-cut today as they were during caveman times. Women are educated and have careers. We work hard and we play harder. In other words, we might be too busy to think of finding a man and having children, at least on a conscious level.

Researchers have found that reproductive hormones are still at play when it comes to how we feel about certain situations, view the world, and interact with others. During the week before ovulation, women have improved memory, perhaps to signify the right time to find “The One,” but also to help you make better decisions and navigate your environment. Near ovulation, women may have a heightened sense of smell, possibly to sniff out potential toxins. Additionally, several studies have shown that women who are in the fertile window tend to dress and feel more attractive as compared to other times in their cycles. A major drawback to this process is that some women may be highly sensitive to to the cyclic rise and fall of their hormones and experience negative mood symptoms, increased food cravings, and susceptibility to stress, particularly during the premenstrual phase.

Oral Contraceptives and Sexual Attraction

What about the pill? Oral contraceptives (OCs) contain synthetic hormones that may also affect women’s social behavior and psychological functioning. In my own research, I have found that women who are on the pill show greater attraction toward current and potential mates across all phases of the cycle. Naturally, this could be due to the simple fact that women using OCs expect to have more sex than those who are not. However, we also found that an increase in androgens, a side effect of the pill, was significantly related to this increase in attraction.

Because of our genetic make-up, women must go through regular shifts in their cognitive abilities, moods, and behavior. In other words, we think, feel, and react differently based on what our hormones are doing. This may translate to women’s approach to relationships, sexual arousal, and motivation to seek out mates. But also, it affects how we work, talk to friends, and deal with our problems.

Does this mean women should plan their activities accordingly? That may be a tad extreme, but maybe it will help both men and women understand why sometimes we are just not in the mood.

Of Love and Passion: It’s All in Your Head

2099 views

Love is a Habit

Reviewing imaging studies on love and sex, researchers from Concordia University have begun to delineate the neural pathways associated with these two activities. Though love and sex show similar neural activation patterns there are some distinctions. Both sexual desire and love activate the insula and the striatum, but as sexual desire progresses to love there is more activation within the specific regions of the striatum associated with habit and drug addiction. Says Professor Pfaus, the lead author of the study “Love is actually a habit that is formed from sexual desire as desire is rewarded. It works the same way in the brain as when people become addicted to drugs.”

Falling in Love Can be Addictive

Falling in love is quick, only a fifth of a second per a recent meta- analysis and hard-wired in the brain to be pleasurable and addictive, finds Professor Stephanie Ortigue from Syracuse University, author of a recent meta-analysis of fMRI data and love. The meta-analysis showed that falling in love activates 12 regions of the brain and elicits a number of neurochemical reactions designed to ensure pleasure and habit including dopamine, oxytocin, adrenaline and vasopression.

Heartbreak is Painful – Literally

When love ends, it causes real pain. Researchers from the University of Michigan compared fMRIs of participants in physical pain versus those suffering from emotional pain and found that as far as the brain was concerned, the two types of pain were no different – 88% of the time.

Just like everything else, habits change brain chemistry. Changing that brain chemistry back or re-adjusting to a new status quo after a break up, from the brain and body’s perspective, is similar to drug withdrawal.

Here is a great Ted Talk by  anthropologist Helen Fisher on the gender differences and the evolution of human emotions.