suicide Archives - Hormones Matter

Depression, Anxiety, and the Chronically Hypoxic Brain

Published on December 19, 2023

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I couldn’t help noticing the Wall Street Journal of Thursday, June 7, in which a column reported a completely unexpected suicide. The title of the column was “Kate Spade’s Family Recounts Her Battle With Depression”. It was reported that “Ms. Spade had suffered from depression and anxiety, and was being treated with medication and therapy. Depression and anxiety disorders occur simultaneously in about 25% of general practice patients. In the abstract, the author says “about 85% of patients with depression have anxiety and 90% of patients with anxiety have depression. Benzodiazepines may help alleviate insomnia and anxiety but not depression”. It must be obvious that the general impression is that these are two different expressions of psychological disarray that require different drugs to treat them. Evidently, Ms. Spade had left a suicide note indicating that she had been under mental stress from her marriage. There were other stresses reported. She had been living separately from her husband for 10 months and had been seeking help for the past five years.

The incongruity requires explanation. Here was a 55-year-old woman who was highly successful in the eyes of the world and her suicide appears to be completely incongruous, as indeed most suicides are. There should be a logical explanation for such an anachronism. The instinct for life is incredibly strong for us and indeed for all creatures in the animal kingdom. I offer my explanation here, based on the contention that the human brain is an electrochemical machine and that its functions are highly dependent on an adequate supply of energy. This does not take into account the concept of a soul that must remain one of the great mysteries of life.

Revisiting Freud: The Ego and the Id

According to Sigmund Freud, the id is the subconscious mind supervised by the ego and what he called the super-ego. All are built upon the presupposed existence of conscious and unconscious thoughts. Modern research has failed to find individual areas in the human brain dealing with the control of specific action. Its function is now regarded as an integrated organ, all parts of which share that action. However, much of this activity is entirely automatic and below conscious level. All brains in higher members of the animal kingdom are built on the same anatomical principle, presumably reflecting a “oneness” in design. If we are to accept evolution as the driving force, the brain of each animal has been developed to service that animal in its natural niche. The niche of Homo sapiens appears to be that of the dominant species and it has evolved from a more primitive state to a more sophisticated one, gradually introducing increased complexity. Brain action would be expected to become more and more sophisticated over time, perhaps making us more cooperative.

We have no idea what is in store for us with continued evolution, but it has long seemed to me that we are still relatively primitive at the philosophical level. Under stressful conditions, the actions of the human brain are much less predictable. However we consider the distribution of brain function, it is an electrochemical machine and a great deal of its activity is unconscious and purely automatic. Body organs signal the brain that then gives instructions to them via the autonomic and endocrine systems. It is therefore convenient to accept the ego and the id, each with its separate functions, however, they are controlled, by the conscious and unconscious mind. Some of the net behavior might be perceived as actions of the automatic component, governed and permitted by the conscious component. It has been suggested that human beings are built as “mean fighting machines equipped for self-interest”.

The Nervous System

Many posts on this website describe the difference between the so-called voluntary and the autonomic nervous systems. The term “voluntary” indicates that we can think and move at will and its actions are dictated by the conscious mind. The autonomic nervous system is almost completely automatic and governs many purely reflex actions, the fight-or-flight reflex being the best known. Hunger and thirst are self-preservatives. The sex drive preserves the continued existence of the species. Yes, these reflexes give us a sense of pleasure, which is the driving incentive and the brain provides us with sensory mechanisms that provide that pleasure. Everything is tied together by a complex code known as DNA, whose individual characteristics describe the physical profile and personality of each animal including humans. From a purely philosophical point of view, it calls into question whether we truly have free will or whether we are programmed by the environment in which we find ourselves. If all components fit together as designed, we can say that the “blueprint” for each person dictates the nature of the personality and reflects his/her mental and physical health. Our training to meet life starts in infancy and is in the hands of parents.

Of Stress and Stressors

Stress is a physical or mental event to which each of us has to adapt. As I have mentioned in other posts on this website, a Canadian researcher by the name of Hans Selye studied the effect of physical stress in animals for many years. He came to the conclusion that virtually any form of stress demanded an increase in the supply of cellular energy, much like the engine of a car climbing a hill. A stressed animal had to adapt to the injuries applied by Selye. He called it the “General Adaptation Syndrome”. He used many different methods to induce stress because he wondered whether there were different responses, depending on the nature of the stressor. He found that the stress response was uniformly identical across species and was able to divide the General Adaptation Syndrome into several predictable phases, each of which was repeatable in each experiment. Not surprisingly, his studies included an array of sequential biochemical changes in the body fluids. I found these changes to be similar to the laboratory changes seen in chronically sick patients. One of his students was able to produce the syndrome by first making the animal deficient in the vitamin thiamine, thus supporting the role of energy deficiency as the causative factor. Selye suggested that human health broke down as a result of energy failure, particularly in the brain, leading to what he called “the diseases of adaptation”. It is probably true that some form of life stress is absolutely necessary for a person to contemplate suicide. Therefore, it seems necessary to discuss the mechanisms by which the brain responds to stress.

The Biological Brain

Whether we like to recognize it or not, the brain is an electrochemical machine whose functions, like any machine, require energy. The fact that the brain requires 20% of the total oxygen inhaled is an absolute indication of its energy requirement. There is much evidence that even a mild reduction influences brain activity and this will be reflected in some kind of change in thought processes and the consequent behavior resulting from it. Nutrition affects mood. A deficiency of many vitamins is associated with psychological symptoms. In some elderly patients, folate deficiency is associated with depression. Iron deficiency is associated with apathy, depression, and rapid fatigue when exercising. In several studies, an improvement in thiamine status was associated with improved mood. One of the major manifestations of obstructive sleep apnea is profound and repeated (episodic) hypoxia (insufficient oxygen) during sleep. This increase in activity in the sympathetic nervous system affects blood pressure. Thiamine deficiency induces gene expression similar to that observed in hypoxia and has been referred to as causing pseudo-hypoxia. Magnesium and thiamine deficiency have both been implicated in depression.

Hypoxia and Pseudohypoxia in Depression and Anxiety

During many years of medical practice, I found that a mild degree of thiamine deficiency was responsible for symptoms that are often regarded as psychological. Chronic anxiety and depression were regularly alleviated by getting people to understand the importance of an appropriate diet, together with the administration of supplementary vitamins, the most important of which were thiamine and magnesium. I could never understand how a patient could be actually blamed for producing symptoms beyond the comprehension of the physician. Abnormal thoughts, emotions, and all forms of mental activity are produced by electrochemical reactions that are exaggerated by a mild degree of hypoxia or pseudo-hypoxia.

Anxiety and depression are perfectly normal emotional reactions but when they are sustained for absolutely no reason, it is because of this biochemically initiated exaggeration. In particular, the sympathetic branch of the autonomic nervous system is easily activated because any degree of oxygen lack is obviously dangerous to the organism and a fight-or-flight reflex reaction would be initiated by the perception of danger. This reflex, because of its nature, might give rise to aggressive behavior when a nursed a grievance explodes into violence. The widespread intake of empty calories, particularly in the form of sugary and fatty substances, is responsible for polysymptomatic disease in millions. Such individuals cannot handle the normal stresses of life and are much more easily imbued with a sense of hopelessness. Suicide seems to be the only option. The idea that dietary excesses might be responsible for depression and suicidal ideation is not a presently acceptable concept, but the biochemical results of alcohol and sugar ingestion are identical in the part of the brain that has to deal with these inbuilt vital reflexes.

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This article was published originally on June 20, 2018.

The Power of Repetition for Improving Brain Function

by Arlyn Smith

Published on April 6, 2022

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repetitive behaviors, neuroplasticity and stroke recovery

Through personal experience and research, I have gained insight into the power of repetitive thoughts and behaviors in creating new neural pathways and forcing the brain to “rewire” itself. This has occurred within my brain as I recovered both physically and mentally after suffering from a cerebellar stroke. Repetition of activity and repetition of thoughts retrain the brain. I will delve into each subject separately, as they are both similar, yet use different avenues to achieve results

Regaining Physical Capacity After My Stroke

In November 2002, I found myself in a coma following a massive cerebellar stroke. This was after 13 years of other issues. The stroke was precipitated by a suicide attempt, one of many over the course of 13 years of poor mental health, drug and alcohol use, anorexia, and bulimia. Details of my story can be found here. With that stroke, I lost all ability to move. Even swallowing was difficult. At that time, I did not know how to recover and the physicians did not appear to think recovery was possible. In fact, the possibility of the long-term training of my brain’s neuroplasticity was mentioned as a mere afterthought by my neurological team. I will admit that at the time this was not something I was overly concerned with initially either. I was simply trying to survive.

At some point, however, I became aware of the fact that the cans of soup I was lifting for physical therapy seemed incredibly easy to lift. Of course, this was gradual and after months of training. It was then though that I realized that minimal retraining of these neurons could yield such results. Research supports this. Here is some of the science behind the post-stroke improvement of the neural pathways pertaining to motor skills.

Over time, I recognized that many years of consistent repetitive physical activity, in my case weightlifting, has retrained the neurological damage acquired by my brain in ways greater than was remotely expected to be achievable without the use of pharmaceuticals, which given my history, I was none too keen to take. I am happy to say that I have yet to take any drugs to treat my extreme neurological symptoms. Instead, I trained, day in and day out. The simple act of repetition and strength building seems to have re-trained my brain. I am now able to walk, talk, and swallow. This took upwards of 17 years to achieve, an exceedingly long and arduous process, but it was well worth the avoidance of medicinal side effects.

In addition to the physical training, I found that supplementation with certain vitamins, such as thiamine, a strong multivitamin, vitamin C, and vitamin D daily, has allowed me to achieve that which dumbfounds scientists and doctors. Vitamins, supplementation, and strenuous physical activity are looked down on by most professionals. I guess things like proper nutrition and exercise are not considered scientific. They work, though. At least for me, they did.

Hopefully, my medical journey will challenge the current medical perspective, and if not, inspire other similarly afflicted individuals to pursue alternative approaches. I have dealt with a cerebellar stroke, anorexia, bulimia, cyclothymia, substance abuse, dialysis, coma, and spinocerebellar ataxia, to name a few of my physical ailments, but I am doing extremely well, despite it all. This is contrary to what was expected of me by my physicians. Frankly, many still cannot believe what I have achieved. Research supports my success. From Neuroplasticity after Traumatic Brain Injury – Translational Research in Traumatic Brain Injury:

The central nervous system (CNS) retains an innovative ability to recover and adapt secondary compensatory mechanisms to injury. The basis of recovery stems from neuroplasticity. This is defined as the ability of neuronal circuits to make adaptive changes on both a structural and functional level, ranging from molecular, synaptic, and cellular changes to more global network changes. The adult brain was traditionally thought to be stagnant, with neuroplasticity confined to cortical development.

Although traumatic brain injuries differ in some ways from stroke, the principles of neuroplasticity remain. The key to retraining the brain is simple repetition. That, along with other supportive influences like diet, nutrition, and of course, no small degree of mental fortitude, is, in my opinion, far more important than medication.

Rewiring Thoughts and Emotions

The concept of creating new neural pathways in the mental and emotional portion of the brain is the most important aspect of this particular subject for me. I have more experience, personally, with this than my physical situations. In 1990, I began down a path of mental self-destruction. Years of depression turned into bouts of psychosis. I attempted to vanquish the mental torment through heavy drug and alcohol use, which was compounded with severe anorexia and bulimia. I was admitted to countless hospitals, treatment centers, and alcohol and drug rehabilitation centers between 1995-2002. I attempted to commit suicide 5 times between 1995-and 2003. The pain I felt from existence was so unbearable that I could not fathom the thought of mortal existence. I suffer from genetic mental illness. This has been an ailment in my family lineage for as long as there have been historical records. It should be noted that many of the mentally ill members of my family have been or are, incredibly intelligent. There is a commonality with those I have interacted with. During our suffering, we repeatedly told ourselves similar things. A lifetime of imprinting our minds with these statements ultimately led to feelings of futility and attempted or completed suicide. The following was ingrained on our psyche, through years of reiteration and brain imprint: “CAN’T”, “NEVER”, “IMPOSSIBLE”.

I remember the specific day that changed my life. On December 15, 2013, I had enough of it all. I was no longer suicidal yet was hit with this realization that my mental health was taking such an enormous toll on me physically and if I did not completely change, mentally, I would not remain alive for very much longer at all. It should be noted that there are countless people throughout the world who have dealt with or are currently dealing with situations parallel to mine. These people remain in the shadows, but trust that the amount of emotional pain they feel or have felt mimics my own.

As would be imagined, by 2003 regular visits to psychologists and counselors had become a routine part of my existence. On the aforementioned date of that monumental decision, I was in some sort of confused state as to “how” I would retrain my brain like I was retraining my body. I quickly recalled an idea mentioned to me by a psychologist regarding retraining neural pathways. I instantly searched keywords online and was inundated with stories, scientific studies, and articles written by prestigious medical professionals. This was, undoubtedly, an extremely effective tool. As I dug deeper, the concept behind this method seemed attainable. I had spent my life reinforcing negative beliefs and thoughts in my mind. Over the years, the negative self-enforcement had imprinted itself deep within my psyche. I need to reverse this and imprint more positive thoughts.

My entire life, I had plied myself with pharmaceuticals and had found no relief. These medications made matters worse. I had somehow come to rely on and believe that these drugs would “fix” me. In pursuing the medical model, I had turned my life over to medicine, and as consequence, did not understand the concept of responsibility for my own life. If I was to retrain my mind, this had to change. I had become responsible for my own life. I began by doing some intense psychological work.

I upped my counseling session to twice a week and realized that the only way I would truly be able to undergo this retraining would be through honesty. Blatant honesty. Not only with my therapist, but with myself. I had to break down the barriers that had barred my mind from receiving any type of positive self-talk. At some point, my counselor and I created a personal mantra:

“Nothing in my life has been a waste.”

This brought a sense of relief. I repeated this to myself ad nauseum. The underlying reasons for my suffering began to seem less invasive and not quite as severe as once thought. I was able to ascertain meaning in my life. Another enormous thing I began to do was to accept compliments. I had become accustomed to rejecting and deflecting them. Self-deprecation had become my normal. Through acceptance of others’ positive views of myself, I was able to view myself more positively.

I was not prepared for the mental shock of quickly switching my thoughts to positive. I feel it necessary to relay this, everything was worth it. The pain, the tears, the hard internal work, it was a small price to pay. The feeling I have now is worth every moment of strife that I experienced initially. This is the recount of my experience. The following are some articles to back up my personal experience, as it is that. My personal experience. Also searchable are more complex experiments, data, and peer-reviewed articles. I challenge the reader to research “neural pathways,” study the idea, be your own mental health advocate, and, if fitting, discuss the concept with your health provider.

You may be surprised by the results!

Here are some articles to consider to begin your journey.

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More people than ever are reading Hormones Matter, a testament to the need for independent voices in health and medicine. We are not funded and accept limited advertising. Unlike many health sites, we don’t force you to purchase a subscription. We believe health information should be open to all. If you read Hormones Matter, and like it, please help support it. Contribute now.

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Surviving and Thriving After Cerebellar Stroke

by Arlyn Smith

Published on January 31, 2022

5049 views

At age 23 I attempted suicide after years of mental and physical self-destruction. Something inside of me assumed the position of thinking that life was nothing but unbearable suffering and misery; that all was lost and there was no hope or joy to be found. Looking back, the fact that I even entertained that way of thinking astounds me. I do not say this jokingly but I am fortunate that rather than dying, as was predicted, I suffered a massive stroke that affected my cerebellum. This left me unable to move, but I lived. Often, what are seemingly our darkest days are a gift. If I hadn’t lost the ability to move and continued to physically ply myself with alcohol, drugs, food, cigarettes, etc., I would have surely died incredibly quickly. If I did not have that year of immobility and inability to move my arms, I am sure I would have very quickly perished by another means, probably self-inflicted. I am grateful for all the heartache and the pain. It has made me who I am and helped me find strength. Without a cerebellar brain injury and the hard work it has taken to face it, I wouldn’t be alive to tell my story. That sounds odd, but trust that it is true. I pray you may find my story inspirational.

Every Story Has a Beginning

I lay comatose in my still hospital room with the sound of whirring machines and regular beeps from hospital equipment the only noise in otherwise silence. Incessant beeps from the EKG monitoring my weakened heart broke the thick stillness that was my current home. I resembled Frankenstein’s monster with all the wires and IVs protruding from veins and arteries throughout my emaciated, anorexic body. It was Thanksgiving and wearily, my grief-stricken family decided that they should possibly should possibly have some Thanksgiving dinner. My family could not travel far from my room, on the off chance I passed away and they were not on hand. The hospital cafeteria would have to do. This was hardly how they imagined this holiday turning out. The wounds left by my father’s suicide were still fresh. My family’s still beating hearts were now on display for everyone to see. Such familial tragedy was unheard outside of books and film.

So they prayed with all they could muster, which was not much; prayed that somehow, someway my completely ravaged body would miraculously pull through and actually revive itself back to life. They had little hope. The medical team had prepared them for my demise. This scenario was familiar to them. I had, to date, 5 suicide attempts and many ambulance rides, ERs. ICUs, hospitals, jails, rehabs, psychiatric wards, and treatment center stays since age fifteen. I had recently turned 23. The chances did not look altogether well that I would reach my 24^th birthday. Only an act of providence would save me from my fate now.

My extended family had traveled from as far away as Pennsylvania and North Carolina to offer my mother and siblings support and to be with them while they grieved. Sweet whispers graced my ears with the hopes that, by chance, I would subconsciously receive these messages. I believe in my heart, that I did. I believe that everyone’s prayers came to fruition. I believe in miracles. There is no other way to explain what was about to bring shock to everyone involved. As they prayed for some sort of miracle, on a bleak Thanksgiving, in the cafeteria of a random hospital in Winchester, Virginia, all prayers were answered. I woke up.

The medical staff interrupted their prayer vigil with the incredible news. I had just regained consciousness. As they prayed for me over their Thanksgiving meal, I slowly opened my eyes. I believe, now, that prayers are miraculous if they are sincere. God performed a true miracle on that day. The fact that it was Thanksgiving Day is enough to incur shock and awe from anyone who is aware of this scenario. This was my rebirth, the day I cheated death. To say this was by far the most miraculous day of my life would be a massive understatement.

It Is Always Darkest Before Dawn: Learning To Live With Cerebellar Injury

Thus began my neurological downfall. It would be too simple if that was all, wouldn’t it? Neurological issues are complex. They are not even remotely simple. After the cerebellar stroke and my two week coma, I was transported by a non-emergency ambulance to a physical rehabilitation center, primarily with patients there for numerous neurological issues. I had severe dysphagia –the inability to swallow. Because of the dysphagia, I had regular cameras shoved up my nose and down the back of my throat. Luckily, they were coated in KY jelly to soften the shock. Having lost all muscle control, I had to be rolled onto a tarp and be hoisted in the air to gather my weight. I looked like a fish you’d see on the side of a pier. I was forced to play connect four during therapy sessions to work on my fine motor coordination. At first, I could not manage to pick up a single chip. I had depleted the oxygen in my cerebellum so severely that is was now around 1/3 the average size.

If there is one thing to know about me it is this: I do not even remotely appreciate being told what I can or cannot do. So when they told me that I would spend my entire life in an assisted living facility and would never walk again, I had to make a choice. I decided they were wrong and that I would walk again and live on me on my own. So I fought and was prepared to fight to regain my life. After all, I woke up from a coma on Thanksgiving Day. This was no different. I was prepared to get my life back.

Thus Begins My Defiance of My Doctors: Simultaneously Battling Physical and Mental Illness

I do not think my therapists expected what they got from me. If they gave me home exercises, I did them twice to improve twice as well. It took me close to a year to actually verbally communicate again, but I was quite incoherent. It took close to 7 years for people to actually understand what I was saying. I spent my first 3 years post-stroke convalescing in my mother’s home. My family steadfastly believed in me and supported me. My mother and siblings surprised with a fancy recumbent bicycle that I could keep in the living room, near my chair so I could hobble over to it with my walker. They wanted to surprise me with something that would help rebuild my leg muscles.

I remember doing hours of wall sits. I once tried to do the in the dining room and was straining very hard. The carpet scooted forward and my feet flew out from under me. I landed squarely on my tailbone. My family somehow got me into their car and transported me to the nearest medcare center. Luckily it was not broken, but I spent the next 2 weeks lying sideways on the living room couch in sheer misery. Fortunately, there was not a huge amount of force on my tailbone, as I was battling anorexia nervosa at the time and did not have very much mass. This was also of year of my favorite potato starch thickener. This is what they give to patient in nursing homes with dysphagia so that they do not aspirate fluid into their lungs and wind up with sever pneumonia. I had to add this to all my drinks. Coffee and water took on the constituency of pudding.

I was also severely mentally ill and was unable to take any psychiatric medication. Add to that, I was drinking a liter of vodka daily and using heroin and cocaine before my stroke. Suffering from untreated mental illness, substance abuse, an eating disorder, a severe disability, and issues with self-mutilation is not exactly a cake walk. Somehow, thankfully, at this point in my life, I had to realize that this was my current physical situation and that no amount of praying or wishing it was different would change a damn thing. I was here… now I was here… nothing would change that except hard work on my part. I learned that recovery was a process and that there is no finish line. It is something you have to constantly put effort into if you want to grow and progress. Was it easy?? HELL no! Worth every single second of misery and struggle? Without a doubt!!

The Courage To Be Strong and Happy

recovering after cerebellar stroke. — Battling anorexia while recovering from cerebellar stroke.

Fortunately, yes, fortunately, I did not feel as though that was enough. Shortly after I believed I was healing, I went back to my old behaviors. I had experienced the joy in life and it was unbearable. My motto was that pain is comfortable. Happiness scared me. On December 15, 2013 I said: ENOUGH! I decided I was willing to do ANYTHING! I had worked so damn hard to regain my life, if I did not give my heart and soul to my life, I knew I’d die. And that was not worth anything. If I had to scream and cry, if I could not stand the mental or physical torment, I would face it with all the courage I could bring forth. I’m glad to say that I have been sober and eating disorder free as well as mentally stable for years now. If there is one thing I know with certainty, it is that life has many hurdles. When you trip over one, you have a choice between staying on the ground or standing up and brushing yourself off. You will see now how, when you are determined as HELL, NOTHING can stop you.

From Soup Cans to Barbells and Patient to Trainer

Shortly after I got sober, I decided I was not just going to live and walk again. I was going full throttle. I worked full days at GNC using my walker and spent my spare time every day at the local gym. I thrived amongst weights. I decided to become a personal trainer, with my walker if I had to. I had risen from a pile of ashes. I no longer believed anything was impossible. I enrolled at NASM and then I thought, I am not stopping there and so I also enrolled in courses to train senior citizens and to become a certified corrective exercise specialist. Several years later, I became certified to train clients with Parkinson’s disease.

Surviving and thriving after cerebellar stroke — Lifting weights to recover from a cerebellar stroke.

Not long after sitting through a proctored exam and passing it easily, I had a talk with my stepfather (who is really my dad). He also believes in achieving the impossible and has consistently done it himself. I asked him what big thing I should attempt next. He suggested I try the Paralympics. I thought “That might be the most insane thing someone’s ever suggested to me! I used to weigh 80 pounds and eat sugar free gum for dinner!” Then I realized that I had actually been insane and that it was time to become “good” insane! I want to inspire others through example; to show others with physical disabilities that if someone like ME can use exercise to vastly improve their physical situation, they ABSOLUTELY can too. I have people tell me I work too hard but it’s not up to them, is it? So I got to work. As is the case with me, the universe decided it was not yet done challenging me.

In January of 2020, I was told my cerebellum was now 75% too small and I might possibly have congenital ataxia. I have yet to see specialists, and honestly, I am not concerned right now. My physical training is making me better and any negative diagnosis is null and void to me. I carefully listen to my doctors, but they are fallible. Every human being is fallible. So I will keep going, whatever challenge I face. I know what giving up on yourself is like. It is a feeling I would not wish on my worst enemy. I will not give up. No one will limit me or make me feel small because of my condition. Medicine does not measure the human spirit. Guess what? I can now walk holding walker with 25 pound weight plates inside of it. I can deadlift 190 pounds and squat a 180 pound barbell. I began this journey lifting soup cans. Soup cans! If you’re struggling physically, remember that I started with curling soup cans in a wheelchair and now can lift almost 200lbs.

Final Thoughts

I would absolutely never change the fact that I am disabled. It has changed my life for the better. It has taught me responsibility, a sense of awe of how difficult things are for some people, and gratitude for literally everything. Every minute I exist, everything I am, is a gift. I absolutely REFUSE to waste it. When everything you believed was important and everything you took for granted is taken away from you, you realize at some point that you are at a crossroads. Either give up and literally die or accept your lot with dignity and grace. I do not know what my future holds, but you can be damned certain that I am not going down without a fight! We all have choice. Many things are beyond my control, the effort I put towards my physical self is absolutely up to me!

We Need Your Help

More people than ever are reading Hormones Matter, a testament to the need for independent voices in health and medicine. We are not funded and accept limited advertising. Unlike many health sites, we don’t force you to purchase a subscription. We believe health information should be open to all. If you read Hormones Matter, like it, please help support it. Contribute now.

Yes, I would like to support Hormones Matter.

It’s Not All In Your Head: Mental Health and Hormonal Birth Control

by Kerry Gretchen

Published on August 22, 2017

5682 views

Once upon a time, a 26-year-old woman went to her doctor and asked to be put on the new birth control pill that allowed women to only have four periods a year. She had seen it advertised on television. Four months later, 15 pounds heavier and suffering from mild depression, she returned to the doctor feeling miserable. The doctor told her the weight gain and depression were not from the pill because those were not side effects of hormonal birth control. Wait, does this sound familiar? It’s the same story I told in my article about hormonal birth control and weight gain. Only this time, I’m talking about mental health.

The truth is that I gave my mood changes and my mild depression very little thought. Once the doctor told me they were not a symptom of my new birth control pills, I figured it was my fault I was sad and not dealing with things very well.

What They Knew in 1970

I remembered the connection between my birth control pills and that bout of depression when I began reading the Nelson Pill Hearings. One of the first doctors to testify pointed out that there had been a suicide during the original pill trials in Puerto Rico. Neither the suicide, nor the other three sudden deaths (of five total deaths during the experiments) were investigated. But what really got my attention was that the page after the mention of the suicide was the only one missing in the nearly 1500 pages of testimony. I have since been able to get a copy of that page and while the testimony doesn’t seem that damning given the laundry lists of risks, concerns, and dangers with hormonal contraceptives that are examined at the hearings, it does bring up an interesting point.

Doctor Edmond Kassouf’s testimony answers questions from Mr. James Duffy, minority counsel at the hearings (page 6112):

Mr. Duffy: One of the five deaths was suicide.
Dr. Kassouf: Yes.
Mr. Duffy: So what I would like to understand is how does one take a suicide and link the case of death to the pill?
Dr. Kassouf: Very simply. It has been of current concern. Many physicians and psychiatrists are concerned about depression and the pill. If this is true, suicide may well be the end result of that combination and, therefore, a reasonable suspect, a reasonable link.

Suicide Attempts While on the Pill

“I’ve really got to look into this more,” I thought. Well, I had to look no further than page 6447 and the testimony of Dr. Francis Kane, Jr., Associate Professor of Psychiatry at the University of North Carolina. To sum up his testimony about the studies conducted with regard to mental health and oral contraceptives, he says this (page 6457):

“There is considerable incidence of mild to moderate psychiatric morbidity [disease] associated with the use of combination oral contraceptive agents… In three of the four studies, there seems to be agreement that those who have required psychiatric care in the past will be more at risk for the development of morbidity, including psychosis. One study also suggests that there may be some increase in the depth of illness the longer the medication is taken.”

Dr. Kane describes a study conducted in England of 50 women on oral contraceptives who were compared to a control group of 50 women who had not used hormonal contraception. There were no differences in socioeconomic status, age, or history of past depressive episodes. But in the group taking the pill, 14 women “had depression of mild to moderate proportions, while only three of the control group reported this.” The pill users also reported greater depression as well as particularly high scores for “guilt, self-absorption, and loss of energy.”

He goes on to say, “Two suicidal attempts in the pill sample were found, which had not been disclosed to the general practitioner. Since completing the study, another depressed pill-taker had made a serious suicidal attempt.” Three suicide attempts in a study of 50 women? That seems incredibly high to me. Ludicrously high. Especially given that there are other methods of contraception.

But Wait, There’s More!

But that’s just one doctor testifying about a few studies, right? Sure. But the next person to testify was Dr. John McCain (not the senator). One of the first things the doctor points out is (page 6471):

“The contraceptive pills are potent steroid hormones. Alterations of the anterior pituitary function are produced by them… the potential endocrine and systemic disturbances are almost unlimited. The effects produced through the anterior pituitary may be so indirect that years may elapse before a correlation is established between the abnormality and the administration of the contraceptive pills.”

You know what else is a hormonal medicine? Anabolic steroids. “Roid rage” is pretty well documented. Is it really such a leap to think that hormones in birth control can also cause changes in mental health?

Dr. McCain spent years documenting the patients in his practice who suffered serious side effects from hormonal contraception. In that time, he recorded episodes from 52 patients. And per his own testimony, his largest concern was mental health (page 6473).

“The emotional or psychiatric problems are the complications which seem to me to have the most serious potential danger. Three patients have stated that they were desperately afraid that they were going to kill themselves… After the pills were omitted, the depression and suicidal fears of the three patients disappeared, as did the depression of the other patients.”

He also points out (page 6473):

“It is disturbing to consider the patients on the pills whose depression may have ended in suicide and/or homicide with no recognition of any association with the contraceptive pills… Personality changes could be a factor in other conditions such as automobile accidents and divorces.”

Is it really so much of stretch to think that a potent steroid could cause personality changes that could lead to the damaging of personal relationships that are beyond repair? Plenty of other potent substances can and do.

What They Say Now

Dr. Kane and Dr. McCain, as well as every other expert who testified at the Nelson Pill Hearings, agreed on one thing. More research was needed.

So what does the research say now?

Medscape published an article from the American Journal of Epidemiology with the claim that “Hormonal contraception may reduce levels of depressive symptoms among young women.” Yet when you read further into their conclusions, they say that nearly one-third of women discontinue hormonal contraceptives within the first year, many because of mood changes, and those women are unlikely to restart hormones. Therefore, “hormonal contraceptive users at any time point may be overselected for less depression than nonusers.”

The study also points out that:

“Existing literature on hormonal contraception and depression has been primarily confined to small, unrepresentative samples. Among these smaller studies, few cohesive findings have emerged.”

And:

“Little research has examined the role of exogenous hormone use in suicidality, and existing research has focused on mortality from suicide rather than suicide attempts.”

And according to WebMD, there are a laundry list of medications that can cause depression. What is not included on this list? Birth control pills. The only hormonal contraception included is Norplant. Interestingly enough, the active ingredient in Norplant is levonorgestrel, a progestin found in many birth control pills as well as hormonal IUDs. So am I supposed to believe that when injected into my arm, synthetic hormones can cause me depression but when taken daily as a pill or sitting in my uterus for 5 years, they won’t? Does that make any sense at all?

It doesn’t make sense to Dr. Kelly Brogan. That’s why when she has patients that complain of depression, anxiety, low libido, mood changes, weight gain, etc. she recommends they stop using hormonal contraception.

What Have We Learned?

Hormonal contraceptives can cause mental health issues
Women who suffer from mental health issues are much more likely to suffer from increased symptoms when on hormonal contraception
Often the longer hormonal contraception is used, the greater the symptoms
Discontinuation of hormonal contraception can usually alleviate mental health symptoms
The research promised from the Nelson Pill Hearings has never materialized

Why, if they knew in 1970 that hormonal contraception was deeply connected not only to depression but also to suicide, has it not been further researched? It’s been nearly 50 years since Dr. Philip Ball (page 6493), a specialist in internal medicine, testified before congress. Which makes what he says all the more chilling.

“It is not considered reasonable that there be any mortality or morbidity in a pill used purely for contraception purposes. Medical research has got to offer something better than this. Physicians will probably look back on the contraceptive pill era of the past 5 years with some embarrassment.”

Exactly.

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This post was published originally on Hormones Matter on June 22, 2016.

Hysterectomy, Hormones and Suicide

by Robin Karr

Published on June 21, 2017

35161 views

It may seem like quite the leap from hysterectomy to suicide, but it really isn’t a leap at all. Hysterectomy with ovary removal induces what doctors refer to as “surgical menopause.” There’s really no such thing as “surgical” menopause. Hysterectomy with oophorectomy is the female equivalent to male castration and as such carries with it all the risks and associated hormone changes that one might expect when primary endocrine producing glands are removed. The precipitous drop in hormones, much like those experienced following childbirth, can and does have calamitous effects on mental health, not to mention physical health. Perhaps the only difference between male castration and female castration is the fact that female castration is performed regularly and without regard to the physiological and psychological side effects that ensue.

Why Write about Hysterectomy and Suicide?

I decided to write this post because I was castrated, against my will, without consent and have struggled with a myriad of health problems ever since. You can read my story here, here and here. In the years since my ovaries were removed, I have worked hard to spread awareness about the devastating health consequences that this common surgery elicits. Over those years, I have heard from hundreds of women who have experienced similar suffering.

“I was a bright light until a doctor murdered me on (she gives the “exact” date of her surgery). Only a woman with a complete hysterectomy can remember that date. I have had surgeries before, but I never remembered any of those dates. You will always remember when you went into have something done simply to stop heavy bleeding and going in as one person and then the doctor switching you with some kind of alien when you wake up. Within a year, I was 50 pounds overweight and my thyroid had a nodule on it that was cancerous. I had the worst fatigue and suicidal depression there could be.
I can’t believe I made it. I remember telling my 10 year old I didn’t want to live anymore and he kept saying “don’t say that momma, yes you do”. There is no one that could ever comprehend this hell unless they have been through it. I’m overweight with fibromyalgia and fatigue, talking myself out of suicide constantly. I have metabolic syndrome and I’m insulin resistant. I have constant lightheadedness, difficulty swallowing, broken out and dry skin. I have never even tried to go back to having sex simply because I stopped dating. I stopped being the happy, vivacious, beautiful woman I once was. I have been to 45 specialists in the last 10 years including Mayo Clinic to the point where I know I know more about hormones then they do!”

Another woman wrote to me recently stating she too was suicidal just thinking about the 1 year anniversary of her hysterectomy. She wrote:

“Exactly one year ago today, I was on an operating table being castrated and mutilated – the pain too much to bear. I wish I could stop this rapidly aging skin, body and hair loss. My body and soul are devastated. Shaking and in utter disbelief. The person I was before died the day of hysterectomy: my life, body, personality and every other aspect of the life I once knew is dead and over.
So, it is a rebirth of this hideous and painful existence of a stranger living inside a new broken body, soul, personality, etc. I very much relate to Frankenstein who was created in a laboratory unwillingly and without forewarning (informed consent) and awakened to a strange world he could not relate to nor understand. He was full of pain inside and out with all of those gory stitches, having to learn to walk, talk and the great torment he had of being here. Frankenstein is a fictitious character, but I can relate, for I, feel like a monster. I would give anything to be whole again. I know what I now am, and that is a “Castrati” and “Eunuch”.

More recently, a good friend that I came to know through my website committed suicide after years of struggling with post hysterectomy health issues. Before she died, Toni sent me her story in her own words and asked me if I’d post it on my site so other women could be warned about what life post-surgery is really like. She didn’t want what happened to her to be in vain. She wrote in part:

“I am a changed human being. I sometimes do not even want to get out of bed. My poor husband… he misses the woman and wife I was. She is gone. She was taken the day I had a hysterectomy. I am a “shell” of a woman now.”

This shouldn’t happen. Young women should not be castrated and then thrust into a world of ill-health and darkness. Hysterectomy, especially when the ovaries are removed too, should be an option of last resort, not something cavalierly recommended to young women, nowhere near menopause.

I wrote this post for the women who have lost their ovaries, lost their health, their vitality, their sex lives and their hope. I am not sure that I can give you hope, but I can give you a voice until you can find your own voice and together we can stop this practice and prevent other women from suffering.

Natural Menopause, Hysterectomy and Castration: It’s all about the Hormones

Natural menopause. It is important to talk briefly about the effects of “natural” menopause in order to better understand the effects of hysterectomy and castration. Even natural menopause is a “game-changer” for most women with some of the more commonly discussed symptoms being hot flashes, mood swings and dry vagina. ACOG lists over twenty adverse effects of menopause in their Menopause Patient Information Pamphlet including but not limited to: hot flashes, insomnia, dry/thin vagina, increased risk of urinary and bladder infections, increased bone loss and risk for fracture, loss of heart protection and increased risk of heart attack and stroke, emotional changes such as nervousness, irritability and fatigue, loss of libido and difficulty achieving orgasm. There are more symptoms not specifically listed, but these are enough to take your breath away. It is important to keep in mind that these symptoms develop gradually over years during the natural process of endocrine senescence or aging. The process is complicated and researchers still don’t understand the full spectrum of changes that happen when women age. Some hormones decline, others increase to compensate, immune factors are involved and the entire body changes to adapt to the new reality. The experience of menopause in each woman differs with some experiencing very few symptoms and others experiencing great difficulties. The key points are that menopause is gradual and complicated. It is not just the removal of estrogens and progesterone. Many other hormone systems recalibrate.

Hysterectomy without Oophorectomy. Hysterectomy without ovary removal is common. The thought is that if the ovaries are left in place, vital hormones will continue to be produced and circulated. To some extent that is true and women who retain their ovaries seem to fair better than those who do not. However, hormones work through feedback loops, the uterus contains many important hormone receptors that communicate with the ovaries. When the uterus and cervix are removed, those receptors are removed too. Without those receptors, communication ceases and the ovarian production of hormones will cease as well; more gradually than if the ovaries had been removed, but more rapidly than in natural menopause.

Castration. When the ovaries are removed, we call this castration. It is no different than removing a man’s testicles. Oophorectomy precipitates a radical change in hormones overnight. Symptoms hit within a matter of hours rather than years. Ovary removal is akin to a ‘cold turkey’ full throttle withdrawal from very strong drugs, the complexity of which we still don’t fully understand.

Concentrations of the estrogens and progesterone drop to nearly nothing, almost immediately, while testosterone concentrations decrease by half. In natural menopause, the adrenals can pick up some of the slack and produce more estrogens and other hormones, but with oophorectomy there is no time, just an immediate crash; a crash that most women, their families or their physicians are not prepared for, because nowhere in the literature given to the patients is this discussed.

Female Castration According to Experts

The American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) calls female castrations ‘surgical menopause’ and although they recognize the severity of hormone changes in their professional literature: “The effects of surgical menopause are severe due to hormone levels decreasing all at once,” the severity of the hormone dysregulation initiated by surgical menopause is not even mentioned in their patient literature: ACOG’s Hysterectomy Patient Information Pamphlet. In fact, the term “surgical menopause” is not even used. Instead, the pamphlet says

“Depending on your age, if your ovaries are removed during hysterectomy, you will have signs and symptoms caused by a lack of estrogen, which include hot flashes, vaginal dryness and sleep problems. You also may be at risk of a fracture caused by osteoporosis at an earlier age than women who go through natural menopause. Most women who have these intense symptoms can be treated with estrogen.”

There’s no mention of castration or even the more benign term surgical menopause. If these terms were mentioned, some women might think to look for a pamphlet about those topics. In other words, they’d connect the dots. As things stand now, there are no dots to connect. The severity of the side effects are downplayed considerably.

The Myth of Hormone Replacement Therapy Post Hysterectomy

To make matters worse, many castrated women are left with no way of supplementing the hormones they’ve lost. They’re simply sent on their way. Others are prescribed a “one size fits all” hormone therapy such as Premarin which is derived from the urine of pregnant mares. While it may work for some women, it comes with serious side effects and doesn’t seem to work for women who have been castrated, likely because the ovaries produce more than just the estrogens and synthetic hormones are not capable of replacing what the body produces on its own.

“I am a 46 old and had a hysterectomy for which my uterus, cervix and both ovaries were taken in 2011. This was due to having endometriosis since I was 22 and having it laparoscopically removed three times, for which my doctor had advised to just have total hysterectomy instead of surgeries. I, however, wanted to hold on to my ovaries. That day did come that I agreed to have all removed, and can I say that I count that as the last day of my life. I have been living in a life just short of a Stephen King novel. I decided after surgery to wing it with no HRT at all and done that for a whole year. In 2012, I decided to try Premarin at the suggestion of my doctor. This was because of the night and day sweats, intense cold spells, horrific mood swings, insomnia, drastic weight gain, memory loss and forgetfulness and loss of libido to name a few symptoms that had gotten to me severely. The hormones worked for 1 month. Then all symptoms came back with a vengeance! My doctor wanted to double my dosage of premarin, but my scare of cancer quickly stopped that. I am now holding on day by day. I have lost half of my hair since coming off HRT. Every day, suicidal thoughts are in my mind, I mean it is all so hopeless to me. Just wish I could reverse the surgery, but that is not possible. HELP”

Sadly, many doctors even prescribe psychotropic drugs, as if they could somehow replace a woman’s own natural hormones.

Depression Post Hysterectomy

Depression is a very common problem for women who’ve been castrated, but one that is rarely acknowledged appropriately. Given the vast biochemical changes a woman’s body is thrust into, it seems likely that she could be propelled into a severe depression and should be warned accordingly, before the surgery.

To better understand how traumatic castration can be, consider a few things we now know about women going through “natural” menopause: 1) women going through natural menopause are three times more likely to be diagnosed with depression than the general population 2) this is true even when there is no prior history of depression and maybe most surprising 3) natural menopause is a time in a woman’s life when she is most likely to commit suicide. Of course, women who’ve been castrated are at the highest risk of all due to the immediate drop in hormones and the severity of symptoms. Add this to the fact that a castrated woman’s adrenal glands are suddenly placed under the extreme stress of taking over for missing ovaries and other organs throughout the body become likewise stressed. All of this additional stress on the body’s organs and systems can, of course, lead to diabetes, autoimmune diseases, heart disease, brain diseases, cancer, etc.

Depression Post Female Castration

Depression brought on by castration is unique in that it only happens to women undergoing this certain type of life change – this specific surgery. It’s much more than just a bout of the blues. It isn’t a weakness or flaw in character, nor is it something that you can simply “snap out” of. No – this type of depression may require long-term treatment. Stanley West MD, author of “Hysterectomy Hoax”, wrote “…this is much more than the blues; it is serious enough to require hospitalization for some women, lengthy counseling and drug treatment.” The chemical imbalances brought on by castration can lead to a woman becoming clinically depressed. And if the depression continues, then suicide becomes a genuine risk factor.

Is There Help?

So, where exactly does a castrated woman turn for help? Since this type of depression stems from an imbalance of hormones that includes the loss of vital estrogens, progesterone, and androgens, hormone therapy becomes all the more important since it raises those levels again to some extent. However, castrated women may also require a wide range of hormone supplements. Combinations of estradiol and estriol may be necessary and these should be balanced with progesterone and sometimes testosterone. DHEA might need to be added too. Because sex hormones are important to so many other hormone systems in the body, a woman who has undergone castration may also need supplements to help with her thyroid and adrenal glands.

For counseling, reach out to the resources in your area. A brief list can be found here.

Castration requires close follow-up care. And yet, very few doctors seem to be seriously engaged in helping castrated women regain their health and vitality. This is yet another reason women become depressed. There’s really nowhere to turn for help. Instead, most women find out very quickly that all of their post-surgery “complaints” will be dismissed as a mental problem of some sort. ACOG mentions only one reason for “emotional changes” post-hysterectomy: “Some women feel depressed because they can no longer have children.” Personally, I’ve not heard from one woman who said they felt depressed for this reason. The women I hear from tell me they’re often made to feel that nothing is “really” wrong with them – that it must all be in their head. In short, they’re made to feel “crazy”. But the issues are real. Read any of the stories below and there is no doubt that the suffering is legitimate. Hormones impact brain chemistry as well as every other physiological system in the body. Remove a primary source for those hormones and there will be problems. How can there not be?

The Reality of Ovary Removal

This is what women who have been castrated say about their lives post-surgery. Let me warn you: it’s not pretty. Please note that some comments have been edited for brevity. It’s the same story over and over and over again. Only the names change.

“I have not been the same woman since my hysterectomy. Within one week of surgical menopause, at age 42, I became clinically depressed. It went downhill from there — no sex drive, weight gain, anxiety plus depression, bone loss and energy loss. Basically, I’ve felt like I was falling apart. I have been on the estradiol patch and an antidepressant since my hysterectomy. I would have kept my ovaries if I had known what would happen.”
“I had a hysterectomy 2 years ago. Since then, I have had nothing but trouble. The surgeon took away my ovaries, so I have no estrogen in my body – only testosterone. This makes me very angry all the time. I refuse to take HRT because my mother had breast cancer. I have no interest in sex whatsoever, and am on anti-depressants all the time. Hysterectomy has ruined my life, and if I could go back, I would not have had it done. I would have just put up with the fibroids. My advice to anyone contemplating this is to think long and hard. If there is an alternative route you can take, do so! I would not wish this on my worst enemy!”
“I will be turning 40 this year and 3 years ago I had my hysterectomy. Ever since then, I have not been the same. I’ve gained weight, have hot flashes, aches and pains everywhere and am moody. If I had to do it over, I would never have a complete hysterectomy. I used to be full of life and now all I want to do is hate the world or cry over everything.”
“When I woke up in ICU almost 24 hrs later with a tube in my throat I motioned for a pen and wrote the word hysterectomy with a question mark. I don’t know how I knew, I just did. After the doctor carelessly punctured my uterine artery he decided that the best way to fix his mistake was to take out everything that made me a woman. He nearly killed me. They had to give me 15 units of blood while they frantically carved out more and more. He never even came to see me after he butchered me to explain what happened or why he ruined my life and my families’ future. I have never seen him again. I am 35yrs old in surgical menopause. Some days I wonder if my young husband will leave me for a woman that can still have children. I have never posted a comment on any site about anything. I read your story and felt that you were the first person that knew what I was feeling.”

Sadly, there are more similar hysterectomy comments and stories on my website which I refer to as “hysterectomy hell”. You can read those stories here and here. There are forums and blogs all over the Internet too where women gather and pour out their inner-most feelings about their lives after surgery. Most women can’t sleep, so they reach out during the night for help, seek answers for what’s happened to them and otherwise just try to fill the void.

Families of Women Who Have Been Castrated

One adult child wrote about her mother’s hysterectomy:

“After we moved to a ranch house in an exclusive residential suburb of Minneapolis when I was 8, my mother stopped singing. That wasn’t the only change in her during the summer of our elevation from middle- to upper-middle class. Her hair seemed to turn white very suddenly and her personality altered just as drastically.
I learned to test the air when I got home from school, trying to discover what mood she was in that day: playful, full of games and secrets, or grim and tight-lipped, on the edge of tears.
Later, I discovered from old medical records that Mother had had a hysterectomy during the summer of our move, when she was only 38. Being plunged into early menopause could explain her mood swings, I now realize, the tearful scenes, the tranquilizers, but then my 8-year-old mind developed a theory that my sweet, raven-haired mother had somehow been kidnapped and replaced by a white-haired virago who resembled her. I remember poring over the family photographs in the mahogany sideboard, trying to determine when the substitution had taken place. Mother never sang to us again after that summer and when we asked her to, she replied that her voice was gone: ‘I’m too old to sing’.”

I could share so many more heart-wrenching comments and messages like these, but I feel I’ve shared enough to substantiate that women who undergo hysterectomy and castration, especially when uniformed, misinformed or not informed at all, suffer beyond words really and so do the families. There’s certainly no shortage of post-hysterectomy horror stories. Maybe woman who undergo hysterectomy and castration to save their life are better able to cope. I don’t know. What I do know is that far too many hysterectomies are performed for other reasons and many of those women feel extremely betrayed. They never get over it as the many comments here suggest. In the case where there’s no consent, hysterectomy and castration is considered assault and battery. That’s criminal and that’s a very big deal. Women who’ve been surgically “assaulted” have even more trauma to come to terms with. There’s not much a woman in this situation can do other than file a medical malpractice suit against her doctor. Maneuvering and enduring the legal system is yet another nightmare all its own and isn’t a reality for most women (“victims” in the case of unconsented surgery).

There can be no question that so many women are experiencing profound depression. This is not something we can continue to ignore. This is a very real problem everybody should take seriously. After all, we’re talking about over half a million women going through this every year just in the United States alone. From a public health point of view, depression is a substantial illness with significant morbidity for patients (and their families). If the depression continues, then suicide absolutely becomes a genuine risk factor. It is so important for families of women who’ve undergone hysterectomy and castration to realize how serious the resulting depression can be and what it can lead to.

Personally, I’d love to see a huge drop in the number of women undergoing these mostly “unnecessary” and “elective” surgeries. Until such time, we’ve no choice but to begin this discussion in hopes of saving precious lives. Depression can be managed only when we talk about it openly – when there is no shame. Managing depression may include: hormone replacement therapy, talk therapy, proper diet, exercise, meditation (including prayer of course) and medication too if necessary. While I’m no psychologist, I can tell you what has helped me survive post-hysterectomy depression. I’ve learned that it is critical to fix what’s fixable. Restore balance back by doing what you’re still able to do – whatever that is; it will be different for every woman. Like the “Prayer of Serenity” change what you can, deal with the rest. We all only have so much energy left after such a life-altering surgery, so we need to learn to focus and use our energy on things we can change. This is by no means easy to do.

My Story

To be completely honest, I still struggle with depression since my unconsented hysterectomy. I guess I always will. And yes, I’ve been suicidal at times too. And while there may not be a “cure” for this type of depression, it helps a lot for women to know and understand they are not “crazy” or alone. Before social media and personal computers, women mostly suffered in silence. There’s no need for that today though. A doctor from Australia who specializes in menopause and hormones once told me not to waste what I’ve suffered and so I’m trying to follow his advice. Specifically, he said

“You can’t waste what you have suffered. Others need not just to know, but to understand the depth of that hole, and how hard it was for you not just to climb out of it, but how hard it was to even have the energy or will to turn around as you plummeted to the bottom. And more than anything, they need to know that you can!”

So, we absolutely must start talking about the hysterectomy hole. We must share our stories so that others do not suffer as we have. And doctors too must stand up and speak out. If you’d like to share your story here on Hormones Matter, Write for Us.

Help us understand the consequences of hysterectomy – take a survey. The Hysterectomy Survey.

Sign a Petition to End Unnecessary Hysterectomies

Contact the Author

Website: Hysterectomy Consequences
Blog: Hysterectomylies
Twitter: www.twitter.com/jiggaz31
Facebook: www.facebook.com/hysterectomyconsequences
change.org petition: Help Stop Unnecessary Hysterectomy and Castration

This post was published previously in July 2014.

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Endometriosis and Suicide

by Philippa Bridge-Cook, PhD

Published on April 6, 2016

11550 views

It was a regular morning. I was drinking tea and checking my emails and Facebook messages, getting started with my work day. A Facebook notification flitted across my page cheerily: “It’s your friend’s birthday. Wish her a happy birthday. Help her celebrate!” Suddenly my day took a different turn. I did write on my friend’s Facebook wall, but she will never see it. She had committed suicide 8 months earlier because of daily, severe, chronic pelvic pain associated with endometriosis.

My friend’s story is, sadly, not that uncommon. We know from published research studies that the incidence of depression and anxiety in women with endometriosis is high. No formal research studies have addressed the incidence of suicide in this population, but in a survey done by Endometriosis UK, they found that 25 percent of women with endometriosis had contemplated suicide. I personally am familiar with several such tragic stories.

My friend, like most women with endo, had a long delay before being diagnosed, and then had a lot of ineffective treatment after that. She eventually had excision surgery and a hysterectomy, but complications of that surgery caused her to have severe daily pain afterwards. Although the best endometriosis surgeons will continue following their patients post-surgery and help them sort out continuing pain problems, some surgeons will wash their hands of pain that persists after surgery. My friend tried hard to get doctors to listen to her and help her, but in the end she was left alone with daily suffering, and ultimately, she couldn’t deal with it any more. As Nancy Petersen, endometriosis advocate and RN, has said: “Endometriosis is not fatal, but despair can be.”

We have a long way to go to change the way our health care system deals with endometriosis, which is currently failing many women with this disease. From long delays in diagnosis, to persistence of medical misinformation about the disease, to poor access to quality multidisciplinary care—all of these areas and more need improvement. In the meantime, women are still suffering, feeling like their quality of life will never improve, and feeling hopeless and depressed about their futures.

I want to urge women feeling severely depressed or having suicidal thoughts to speak up to someone about how they are feeling. It is not a sign of weakness to say you are having trouble coping, feeling depressed, or overwhelmed. Many women with endometriosis deal with a whole lot of crap on a daily basis, and most human beings have their limits on how much crap they can endure. Please confide in a friend or family member, or your doctor. If you prefer to talk to someone who doesn’t know you, click here for a list of international suicide helplines. Your family and friends do not want to lose you.

If you are the friend or family member of someone who has told you they are suicidal or who has expressed suicidal thoughts, please insist that they seek professional help even if they don’t want to. You can help them by listening empathetically and non-judgementally, but anyone in a crisis needs professional help. If you need assistance in finding an appropriate professional, you can reach out to a local endometriosis organization, or to local suicide distress centers.

Despite my friend’s daily struggles, she always had a kind uplifting word for others. She signed most of her messages to me with “gentle hugs.” In her memory, I would like to extend gentle hugs to everyone struggling with depression as a result of pain or illness.

A Suicide Note

by Chandler Marrs, PhD

Published on January 7, 2016

3231 views

Someone I know tried to kill herself this morning. Thankfully, she hasn’t succeeded, yet, but we are not out of the woods. Her suffering, like so many of the women I work with is immense. She lost her daughter to a medication adverse event, a medication that was common and promoted as entirely safe, even necessary. It isn’t.

The pain of losing a child is unimaginable, but when it is compounded by the institutionalized medical malfeasance that plagues women’s healthcare, and more and more, general medicine, the loss is unbearable. How does one continue on knowing that the medication that killed your child is prescribed to millions of others, causing ‘rare’ adverse events, some of them deadly, many of them serious and chronic, in tens of thousands of young girls and women annually? How does one continue on knowing that other families will suffer just as immensely as you and yours are suffering now? How does one continue on knowing that your child’s death was entirely preventable?

As a mom, I do not know the answers to these questions. As a mom, to begin to contemplate the death of one of my children by any means puts a pit in my stomach so deep I want to vomit; but to contemplate a death by medication reaction, especially one that is so frequently forced upon women with such callous disregard for its effects, that must be a special kind of hell.

Few, except those who experience these events understand this hell. There are no support groups for these families. There is little cultural or national understanding of these deaths. There is very little recognition that these deaths occur, they are ‘rare’ after all, let alone that they are connected to a certain pharmaceutical. Indeed, if your family member is unfortunate enough to die from certain classes of medications or vaccines, those that are particularly entrenched in medical ideology, it is more likely that the product manufacturers, the physicians, and everyone involved, will attack the credibility of such an assertion and the person making it, than take any responsibility whatsoever – a more sinister version of the all-in-your-head gaslighting that modern medicine is so fond of evoking.

Who among us would survive such tragedy?

My friend has. Despite the hell of losing her daughter, she swore to not let her daughter’s death be in vain. Over the years, I have no doubt that her efforts have saved many lives. She is a force to be reckoned with, corralling researchers, advocates, families and survivors, all focused on bringing attention and much needed research to the dangers of this class of medications. What she has accomplished is nothing short of remarkable and we are just beginning. Five years from now there will be a sea change, a paradigm shift; one that she brought to bear. Only, I know she doesn’t see it this way. She doesn’t see how integral she is to these efforts. She doesn’t see how deeply her spirit affects those of us fortunate enough to be around her. She doesn’t recognize her strength. She is weary. And for that reason I am worried.

If you read this my friend, please let us help you.

Postscript: It gives us great sadness to report that our friend is no longer with us. We were too late. Our hearts go out to her family and everyone that was touched by the kindness of her spirit.

You will be missed my friend.

Image by 1857643 from Pixabay.

Depression with Endometriosis

by Samantha Bowick

Published on December 8, 2015

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Endometriosis causes problems in every aspect of a woman’s life including her mental state. It is a disease that occurs when tissue resembling uterine tissue is found outside of the uterus. It bleeds just like normal uterine tissue and causes extreme pelvic pain. The pain can be around your period or it can be every day. Every person is different. I went a long time with having pain every day and it became unbearable for me. I know personally I have felt like I was not good enough for anyone because of things the disease has taken away from me. I know many women have felt suicidal and some have ended their lives because they could not handle the pain or the struggles that come with the disease.

Doctors don’t take Endometriosis Seriously

When doctors do not take you seriously or act like they do not care what is going on with you, it is hard not to withdraw from the world. Why would you want to talk about something that people do not understand? I have had feelings of not knowing what my next step is because I cannot physically have children. This disease can take a woman’s fertility. How is that an easy thing to handle? I have found myself saying that I am not depressed or I would not be depressed if I did not have the disease as part of my life. However, the reality is endometriosis is part of my life whether I like it or not and I am depressed. After everything I have been through, I have gone through spells of wanting to give up on finding answers. This is because I am tired of medical professionals pushing me aside because they do not know how to help me.

A Hysterectomy at 23 is Depressing

Having to choose to have a hysterectomy at the young age of 23 is depressing enough, but having to explain this every time I go to a new doctor is a horrible experience each time. Even though I fill out the patient forms and put that I have had a hysterectomy, I still get asked when my last period was. It is crazy to me that we fill out these forms and then the nurses and/or doctors do not read them before asking questions. I have had nurses tell me that I am too young to be going through this at my age. I do not need this constant reminder that I will never be able to get pregnant and will be missing out on that experience. Even though I chose to have a hysterectomy, I did not have much of a choice. This is something I struggle with every day. It is depressing to try so many different treatments hoping one will end your pain, and then have nothing to help. I feel like with each doctor’s appointment I lose a little hope of ever being pain free. It is depressing to make plans and have to cancel them because of your health. I always feel guilty for doing this. We did not ask to have endometriosis. I have been to over 20 doctors at 25 years old. This makes me feel like all of my symptoms are in my head because doctors have been unable to tell me why I am still in pain or help get rid of the pain.

Endometriosis Pain is Real: We are not Drug Addicts

Many doctors do not want to give women with endometriosis pain pills because they think that their patients will become addicted to them. So instead, we suffer in pain. Chronic pain is crippling and affects every day life from things like taking a shower, working, cooking, or taking care of children. It also affects you mentally. It is hard to concentrate when you are in pain. Because people cannot see what is going on inside of your body, some may think that you are not in as much pain as you say you are.

Social Support for Endometriosis is Critical

I have been going to counseling for a few months now to help me deal with all of my health issues. It helps to have someone to listen to everything I have going on. There are many Facebook groups for women with endometriosis as well as for supporters that I have found helpful. These include: Endo Warriors, Nancy’s Nook Endometriosis discussion and education, ENDOvisible, among others. There is also an Endo Buddy program through Endo Warriors. When you sign up, you are paired with a woman who has endometriosis. I was paired with someone around my age in my state. We talk almost every day to see how the other one is doing and to help each other deal with our problems, especially ones that are endometriosis related. It is helpful to have someone to talk to that understands what you are going through. Even though I have found it is hard to talk to people about this disease, it does help me mentally to let people know what I am going through and how I am feeling. They may not know what to say, but it is always good to have someone to listen to you. It has also helped me to write about my experience with endometriosis to help other women that suffer with the disease and to gain more awareness for it. It helps to have a great support system. My family and friends have been there for me throughout this entire journey and I am so thankful for that. Without this support, I do not know where I would be.

All of this is very hard to deal with, but this is my reality and the reality for millions of other women. Depression is real with endometriosis and it is time that it is recognized. Too many women have lost their lives to this disease. We are not crazy and our symptoms are not in our head. It is time that we end the silence so that one day women will not have to deal with endometriosis or the other things that come along with the disease.

If you would like to share your story about endometriosis or write about endometriosis research and news, write for us.

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