Severe Depression and Suicide Attempt with Lupron: My Story

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Lupron depression suicide
I am now 30 year old mother of three very beautiful children. I had suffered for years with irregular menstrual bleeding, horrible lower pelvic pain, cysts, polyps, and HEAVY bleeding. (You’ve heard of Niagara Falls, right?) And so, I spent a lot of time in and out of doctors offices, and the emergency room. All for nothing. The doctors would look at me like I was crazy. I know that their assumption was probably something along the lines of, “She’s just coming in here for pain medication!” When in fact: I never took pain medication. It makes me ill. Finally, I came to live in a small town where the number of doctors were limited. The doctors here think they’re God’s gift to earth. They aren’t!

From the Pill to Lupron: Is This the Best We Can Do?

Step1: I meet this sweet doctor, she does her exam, she recommends a low hormone birth control pill to help get my cycles back on track (Standard procedure) I can accept that! After weeks of trying, my bleeding was not improving and neither was my pain.

Step 2: Go back to the sweet doctor to look at other options, get offered the IUD and decline. Get offered another form of birth control. Decline. End up with another birth control pill.

Step 3: Call the doctor’s office freaking out because I have just passed, what I thought to be miscarriage. And “how can this be possible, my tubes are tied”, per the docs request I took the “thing” to the laboratory for pathology.

Step 4: Doctor calls the next day “It’s not a baby, it is endometrial tissue. Come in to talk about options.” and so, we talk and she decides that our next option is to go into surgery. She wants to go in through my vagina, remove polyps, tissue, whatever nasty things are up there. And then, she wants to do a D&C to really make sure it is all good and clean. So, we do!

Step 5: Nothing has really changed after that surgery. I go back to the ER in excruciating pain. They run a few tests, then call my OBGYN, the doctor comes back into the room and says. “I talked to your doctor and she says that there is no reason you should still be having pain down there. And that you need to go see the general surgeon.” meanwhile, I am crying hysterically! “Are they right? Is this all in my head? Am I crazy?”

Step 6: I go to see the General Surgeon. This doctor sends me to have some liver, kidney, gallbladder test. Clear. He schedules me for a Colonoscopy. Clear. He says he can’t help me.

Step 7: I go back to my OBGYN. Tell her I am still in a lot of pain, I have not stopped bleeding for over a month, and I need something else. I have already had my children, my tubes were tied, I just wanted the pain to go away and so I asked my doctor for a hysterectomy. She said she wasn’t ready to go that far yet and that she had another option… And enters Lupron!!!

Lupron, Lupron, Lupron! Oh, How I Loathe Thee!

Here I am this 29 year old woman, with three kids, an inability to be their mother because I’m always in pain. I’m tired and feel awful from constantly bleeding. Then someone you trust offers you this sort of “quick fix” to all of your woes. HELL YEAH!  Two shots in 6 months and my life is going to be so much better. Boy oh Boy was I wrong.  I get my first dose of the “golden nectar” and I am ecstatic! That is, until the symptoms started to kick in.

My mood changed drastically. I suddenly couldn’t control my emotions. I couldn’t control my temper, I couldn’t control ANYTHING! I was living at my mother-in-law’s house with my husband and kids. Tensions were high. Spaces were tight. And God love her, her and I could have killed each other I think! (No worries, we get along great now.) And then came the depression. I have battled it my entire life, but this was different. This was a whole new level of low. My husband and I were fighting constantly and, rightfully so, I was not an easy person to get along with. We weren’t speaking and barely existing at this point.

Suicide Attempt

July 4th 2016, I came home with my children and put them all to bed. I stood in my kitchen thinking about my life. I started to cry harder than I ever had before. And I lost it. I lost my mind. I opened my medicine cabinet and I swallowed a bottle of pills. I sat on my floor and sobbed for what was only a few minutes but seemed like an eternity. I thought of my children coming out of their rooms and finding their mother dead on the floor. I ran to the kitchen sink, stuck my fingers down my throat and threw them all up. I asked myself “what the hell is wrong with you!?” and then I realized that this depression and the suicide attempt were possible side effects of this drug. Other women who have taken this drug have experienced the same thing.

I see my doctor again to get my second dose and don’t mention that I tried to harm myself, only that I have thoughts of harming myself and that I am very depressed.

I am now having hot flashes (or the gate of hell flashes), night sweats, fatigue, headaches.

“Those are just side effects, they will go away in the end”  she says.

I got a medicine to give my body a bit of hormones and try to help balance me out. Meanwhile, I am still bleeding fairly heavily and in some pain.

When Lupron was “Over”

Isn’t that hilarious! “When Lupron was over! It will NEVER be over!

It has been 7-8 months since my last shot. I still suffer with short term memory loss. I have the hardest time remembering the smallest things. Conversations, what I’m getting at the grocery store, who I’ve told what. It’s awful. My bones hurt so badly. I have a hard time running after my children because of this awful pain in my legs. My hands throb, my shoulders ache, and even my toes hurt. I can’t control my pee anymore. I actually peed myself at work. I know, embarrassing right? I have a migraine every other day and I have gained a ton of weight. I’m always thirsty, I can never get enough water. And my vision is getting worse. I hope and pray that all of this is temporary and that one day soon I will get my sense of normalcy back. But, the truth is, every other woman that I’ve talked with about Lupron and the side effects that they have has experienced the same thing. I will deal with this for the rest of my life. It sucks! I am trying to stay positive. My husband and I, we’re doing great. My kids are healthy and happy. And I will not let this beat me.

God Bless and I hope this helps someone.

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4 Comments

  1. I came across this article after a day spent with my therapist and my OB after weeks of utter misery. I feel like I could have written this myself. I’ve had depression since puberty, but recently it’s gotten to a lower and scarier point than ever before. I’ve never had suicidal thoughts before this. I’ve been angry and impatient with my friends, family, boyfriend, and child. I’ve pushed everyone away and kept awful feelings secret. That’s entirely unlike me. I’ve been so sad, so distraught, and in such despair that I’ve sat in a full bathtub while clothed, sobbing for hours, and very worried I might actually hurt myself. I haven’t been myself at all.
    With great doctors and a lot of luck, I figured out it’s the Lupron. I saw my therapist today who immediately knew this was not my regular chemical depression. (It helps that he’s known me for 15 years). He said he knew I wasn’t acting anything like my normal self the second I walked in the room. It was written all over my face and my negative, upsetting energy was palpable. He also realized it was almost certainly the Lupron and had me get in touch with my OB then and there. I’m also lucky to have a wonderful, attentive OB and nurse who got back to me within a half hour. She said it would be neither safe nor responsible to give me a second injection. I still have a long way to go, but I’m so grateful I know the cause of this because I thought I was truly losing my mind.
    This was my second round of Lupron and although it was miserable the first time, it wasn’t like this. I understand that there are super limited options when it comes to endometriosis, etc (I’m looking at a hysterectomy in my near future. I’m only 31). But people NEED to understand the risks. And people need to talk about depression so we can lessen the guilt and judgement associated with it.
    Best of luck to all of you ladies. I hope you all find relief and support.

    1. This is such a tough and overwhelming cycle to deal with! I just recently was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. My body aches everywhere and it’s just not fair! I’m so happy you’ve found someone to actually listen! I’ve yet to find that doctor. Day by day. That is how I am taking things. God bless!

  2. I am happy you have found answers and relief. Advil, Tylenol, and hormone replacement were all a waste of time for me. Most of my pain/ discomfort now is in joints and bones. I’ve not seen a doctor for those issues yet but will be soon.

  3. Some women who have experienced these symptoms and or endometriosis may have a condition called adenomyosis. Birth control and endometrial lining treatments like D & C only make it worse… Estrogen also makes it worse. Progesterone (aygestin in various doses) and (astonishingly) advil at the first signs of those horrible changes of soreness, GI discomfort etc, can do wonders because it stops the prostiglandin storm if used properly. I stumbled into it one day when my doctors wanted me to go back into the hospital for more transfusions etc and I knew I had to stop it this time. Something told me to take 2 advil, (with food), wait an hour, see how I was, nope not yet, took 2 more, waited another hour… hmm not as bad, took 1… it all went away, storm over… six hours later one more. Ok I think I’m good… Now I don’t have those problems anymore and my friend who is an OB in Canada explained it to me why it worked, I was really surprised that my doctors could have told me this and saved me nearly dying so many times, but didn’t. She told me something instinctively made me ‘heal myself’. Now I only need one or two advils for the same effect.

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