Gynecologic surgeries, particularly hysterectomy (uterus removal), oophorectomy (ovary removal) and C-section, are the top overused procedures in the U.S. Only a small percentage of hysterectomies and oophorectomies are considered necessary since gynecologic cancers are rare. According to this JAMA Surgery article on 2007 inpatient procedures, “Two operations on the female genital system, hysterectomy and oophorectomy, accounted for a total of 930,000 procedures (89.3% and 84.6%, respectively, were elective).” These figures do not include the roughly 300,000 outpatient hysterectomies and oophorectomies done in 2007. This graph (graph B) of indications for hysterectomy is a good visual of how few are done for cancer (~50,000). However, it is misleading in that it appears that hysterectomies have steadily declined since it only includes inpatient procedures. Outpatient hysterectomies have steadily increased since about 2002 and reached 40% of these surgeries in 2012, the last year for which I could find data. The 89.3% “elective” rate would indicate that these surgeries are “restorative” or at least harmless, but medical literature and women’s experiences prove otherwise.
A few years ago, I began writing for Hormones Matter about the consequences of hysterectomy and oophorectomy. Year after year, these posts generate tens of thousands of views and hundreds of comments. The comments inevitably follow the same pattern of unwarranted removal of organ(s) without informed consent and ensuing declining health. We are publishing a series of articles highlighting women’s comments. This is the fourth of the series. The first article is about lack of informed consent and can be found here. The second one talks about how our “exterior” settles / collapses after the uterus is removed. The third addresses organ dysfunction.
Although gynecologists typically dismiss women’s concerns about loss of sexuality after hysterectomy, women’s experiences show that it is a common after effect. Many women also report that they no longer feel connected to others and have lost interest in most activities.
The non-profit HERS Foundation did a survey of 1,000 hysterectomized women. These sexual and emotional disconnect / emptiness after effects were reported by a high percentage of women regardless of whether or not their ovaries were removed. Here is a list of those that were reported by more than half of survey respondents:
- personality change: 79%
- diminished or absent sexual desire: 75%
- difficulty relating to and interacting with others: 69%
- difficulty socializing: 68%
- diminished or absent pleasure with intercourse: 66%
- diminished or absent sexuality: 66%
- diminished frequency of intercourse: 65%
- diminished or absent sensuality: 63%
- diminished or absent pleasure with foreplay: 62%
- loss of affect: 61%
- diminished or absent orgasm: 60%
- diminished or absent vaginal lubrication: 59%
- diminished or absent sensation in vagina: 54%
The complete list broken out by hysterectomy only, hysterectomy with one ovary removed, and hysterectomy with both ovaries removed can be found here.
Below are comments from some of my articles that are evidence of these after effects.
Chris writes:
“They dole out Viagra so men can sustain their erections but perform hysterectomies that destroy women’s sexuality so who are they using the Viagra with?”
Julia says:
“I personally feel a hell of a lot doesn’t get covered, e.g. scarring, nerve damage,increased chance of prolapse, changes to your sexuality and ability to orgasm as previously use too,hormonal imbalances, weight gain, depression, potential for dehiscence of vaginal cuff (uncommon but does occur) and so on it goes.”
Katrina:
“I can ditto many of the comments made. I had a hysterectomy 3 years ago and it has literally ruined my life! I have no desire for sex when, before the surgery, I loved it and was very active with my husband. Now I have no desire and intercourse is extremely painful so we have virtually no sex life and it is ruining our relationship. It has also changed my appearance and not for the good…. I’m desperate.”
Erin:
“…my boyfriend of 12 years as of Sept 2016 attempted to have intercourse two separate times in which it was painful for myself which was an obvious turn off to him and unsatisfying to him because it felt like he was hitting a hard, scarred, shortened vagina which was a complete turn off for him.… miss terribly the amazing sex life we once had. We have not been intimate for 4 years now. Have no idea if he is faithful to me sexually. I am depressed and miserable knowing what our relationship once was…. thoroughly depressed and feeling anxious and alone… very little self esteem and I feel my whole body and look is different.”
Carla:
“I have the same difficulties and I have not found any solution for me but I now am becoming much better at satisfying my husband with other sexual acts, oral, and anal. While I get very little out of it, he has accepted that we cannot do the things we used to.”
Rhonda:
“I had a hysterectomy at the age of 19. They left one of the ovaries but it no longer works. I’m 46 now and struggle with having the desire to have a healthy marriage with my husband.”
Wendy:
“I had a subtotal hysterectomy thirteen years ago when I was 33. It was 6 weeks after my daughters birth…. I have the most wonderful husband and he has stuck by me. I love him so much but it has changed our relationship…. I am not really interested in intercourse and get about 10% of the feeling I used to. It takes forever to orgasm and emotionally this is hard to accept.”
Wendy:
“I realise that this experience has altered the person that I am. I get panic attacks if I feel out of control- fortunately not often but it is always there. I am also mega determined at times…. My pre baby need to go up the career ladder has gone and I would be happy I the same job to the end of my career now. In so many ways I have changed but whether this is down to my hysterectomy experiences I don’t know.”
Elizabeth:
“I now have experienced a loss in my sex drive and my orgasms are smaller and less often.”
Chris:
“I am 64 and had a full hysterectomy one year ago…. I have suffered through all the problems as everyone else listed here. My husband and I had and unbelievable sex life, I had loads of energy and strength and was able to joke about being “37”. I now feel like and old woman. I want to sleep more then move, I have little strength and our sex life is now that of senior citizens due to my loss of sensation. Before I was multi-orgasmic, now I can barely have one, my clitoris suffers from erectile dysfunction….”
SG:
“I had a hysterectomy 4 years ago.. as part of prolapse surgery..,the gyno desided it was necessary…. My waxing sex drive plummeted and no more big Os for me..now it is a ripple compared to a tsunami. I am now on estrogen patches which do not seem to increase anything.”
Jacqueline:
“I had the same disgusting lied to procedure done to me two years ago. Since then my life has been hell. A living hell. Why do doctors castrate woman? Why? It makes no sense at all. Why do they cut out our sex organs? Why? Why do they disable us?”
Ashley:
“I had a full hysterectomy almost exactly a year ago…. I am struggling a lot with the changes in my body. I never get wet enough or stay wet. The tissue on my vulva is very thin and almost always tears with sex. I can still have an orgasm but it takes much longer. My vaginal ones aren’t as strong and it is almost impossible to have a clitoral orgasm now. My clitoris is tiny. I mean really tiny. I don’t really even think about sex anymore. There is rarely desire or arousal at things that once made me go nuts. I feel broken.”
GPLD:
“After surgery I feel exactly what you described about sex.”
Nora:
“I had a TAH in December. The surgery shortened my vaginal canal by 3 inches. After 27 years of marriage I am unable to have sex. I feel castrated. Can this be reversed? Why are doctors doing this to women? I do not have cancer…. I never knew this could happen. I’ve been using dilators but it’s not helping. I’m feeling hopeless.”
Pat:
“I had total hysterectomy 7 years ago due to fibroids . I still regret having it. I have no libido and sex enjoyment and orgasm is like 30 percent compared to the 100 percent pre TAH. I feel duped because the doctors never mentioned the sex disadvantage…. I wish someone had told me.”
Yolanda:
“I have loss some of my sex drive, but i can still have an orgasm. I have also lost some sensation in my nipples, but not completely.”
Helen:
“Had robotic, total hysterectomy in December. Immediate menopause. No fun. Shortened vagina. No fun. Physical changes to body. No fun.”
BeBe:
“My hysterectomy was necessary due to Essure permanent birth control. One migrated to my uterus and I was sick from that poison in my body that the FDA approved. I’m 11 months post op. Tummy still tender. Hurt the day after sex in the cuff area. And miss the good orgasms. I’m furious at all of this. I’m fatigued. Have migraines and have become very anti-social.”
Sandra:
“Three years ago I had a hysterectomy. They removed one of my ovaries tube and uterus. Since my surgery I have had nothing but negative effects on my life. I no longer want to have sex with my husband. Before I had a great sex life!!”
NJ:
“I am two years post total…. I am heart broken and wish I could turn back the clock… I miss my sexuality so much and I am battling with the sense of disconnect that some have described. I am able to achieve a faint orgasm with a vibrator but it comes and goes so quickly and if I try to lengthen the plateau period then I get a strange painful ache in my somewhat diminished clitoris. I have, I think, scar tissue inside the entrance to my vagina which makes penetration painful to the point that I am apprehensive at the mere prospect of sex.”
S Mc:
“Cant believe what I have read – I match your situation entirely. I feel so let down by my consultant, these changes to my sexuality were never suggested to me. My story is worsened by the fact that I am trying to heal my marriage of 20 years after discovering my husbands long term affair. I feel numb, panic stricken and so very sad.”
Julia:
“I’m now 4 and a half months post hysterectomy and vaginal repairs…. Worst decision ever! A battle with vaginal dryness, burning and ph that constantly changes. Trying to find a lubricant that doesn’t irritate my now fragile tissues is a nightmare. Oestrogen cream currently burns like hell so I can’t use that atm. Oral Oestrogen help but then cause outbreaks of thrush…. My sex life has tanked, sore and lack of sex drive. Today I spent 20 minutes icing my vulva, such is the irritation but at least the swelling has gone down. I use to be an active, strong and sexually fulfilled woman and now I feel opposite.”
Julia:
“Even now it shocks me when a Doctor says you don’t need your uterus or cervix for orgasm. That’s total bs, because I have ‘shallow’ orgasms in the few times I’ve managed sex since ‘that’operation. I desperately miss the old me.”
Karen:
“My heart has literally been breaking as I’ve read these posts and understand how many other women feel the way I do. I had a total hysterectomy five years ago…. He did everything to scare me into having the operation and quickly…. now when things should be perfect I feel like my very soul has been removed. I was such a sexual creature before they took away all my sexual organs and now my very lifeblood has been taken away. As many have already mentioned on this site, the sexual energy, which was a huge part of my being, simply doesn’t exist anymore and when I do feel sexually excited, not only is it a different feeling to before but it’s almost impossible to have an orgasm and it’s not worth the effort to reach a climax as the orgasms are just so insignificant when they do happen. I used to experience the most intense orgasms and even at age fifty one, when I had my operation, I still had the most amazing pleasure from sex so I feel so desolate at the loss of those intense, fulfilling emotions and feelings.”
Linda:
“I had a complete hysterectomy in 1998. Since then, I too have lost something that was VERY important to me as a woman. You described what I’ve gone through..to a T. When I spoke to my doctor who performed my surgery, she had no idea what I was talking about. It is like a death, and I too struggle. I feel robbed, cheated and incomplete as a woman.”
12032003:
“My heart can’t express how I feel reading this article. If I only knew what I know now. They got me, I was only 27 when I got a full hysterectomy…..crying. It was tumor and myth doctor told me the same thing,”
Lisa:
“Eventually, all of these surgeries resulted in a complete hysterectomy about 6 years ago. I have been married to my husband for a year now. Thankfully we were friends for years before we married but I still feel sorry him. He has a healthy sex drive and is very loving toward me. I have absolutely no sex drive and I am completely turned off by the thought of sex, I am attracted to my husband and he takes it so personally when I turn him down, I guess I need to get better at pretending.”
Micah:
“I am 25 I had to have a hysterectomy at 24 after I had my son on June 16,2014.. My husband,is younger then me He is 20 and of course my sex drive no longer exists at all!! We have had sex 2 times this month it is about to cause US to divorce!”
Eme:
“I had a partial hysterectomy its been 1 yr and 3 months I’ve had nothing but pain since then. I’ve noticed if I have an intense orgasm I’m in pain after for hours.”
Denett:
“Hi I am 35 and went a full hysterectomy in Jan.2015. At first it did not seen to be a problem with mys ex life but now it has been 4 months since i have been able to climax. I am a sexual person and love having sex with my husband but don’t know how to explain to him that sex is just not working 4 me anymore. I am still young and I am really sadden and hurt because of it….”
Linda:
“I too had a hysterectomy that could have been avoided. It completed destroyed a very active and important sex life. I have tried all sorts of measures (including hormones) to improve function and though some helped to a small extent, nothing has ever been the same. 7 years later, I am saddened and feel destroyed. I try so hard to maintain some level of intimacy, but there just isn’t enough feeling to make it worth it. I miss my old life, and the closeness I once had. I just feel so hurt that one of the most important aspects of my life was robbed from me by a greedy doctor who just wanted to make money. I would do anything to have my function restored.”
Tanara:
“I had an hysterectomy 04-22-2015, the reason was I was suffering from a prolapse uterus, it actually fell out my vagina so the doctor tells me I need a hysterectomy and now I’m so emotionally cause it was like taking my womanhood away.”
Leigh:
“Sex yup still painful even more so than before days after I hurt.”
Erica:
“I’m 44…. I’m experiencing severe… have no sex drive… I’m an emotional basket case…. I’m so depressed and feel like I’m 80 years old. I’ve been reading all of these comments and it brings tears to my eyes.. I know I’m not alone.”
Michelle:
“when I think back to before my hysterectomy I was a happy bubbly person with a good job, husband etc I changed becoming old tired in constant pain not interested in sex the depression etc the list just goes on and on. I have never been right since…. I have just started in a new relationship and a sex life which is very difficult as I have zero sex drive also worry due to the rectal prolapse, during sex I am experiencing sharp pain that radiates into my hip leg etc and it is now constant I have been on morphine for pain for many years it helps me cope but it is not helping this pain.”
Suz:
“Sex is not the same libido is gone and nipples no longer harden.”
Ginger:
“sex too painful, this surgery ruined my life”
Kat:
“This surgery did great damage to my body and affected changes in my hormone levels, libido, etc. but nothing as drastic as when I had the oopherectomy to remove the second ovary. Since that time, libido has been all but nil…. even with uterus-only removal, you will most likely be left with the issue of no longer having the capacity for uterine orgasms (if you did before), only clitoral. While you can learn to ‘enjoy’ these orgasms, they are much more shallow and sometimes even frustrating.”
Jay:
“If only I could turn back time, I would vastly change my decisions…. I certainly miss my uterus and cervix sexually, with orgasms being a shallow version of what they use to be.”
Karen:
“I had a hysterectomy almost 3 months ago. I hate what has happened to my body. My vagina is not even similar to what I remember. My breasts are so painful I don’t know how to aleviate it. Sex…misery. I feel so alone…. I feel a needling pain in my lower abdomen/vagina.”
Lisa:
“I am reading this in absolute disbelief. I feel heartbroken and sick for any woman that has been falsely led by their doctor and has had their womanhood remove. Those organs make us a woman, they are so much more than just organs, they effect every fiber of our being. I’m so sorry, I really can’t even express myself in words.”
SharonJ:
“The thing is, 4 years post-op and my story is darn near identical to the ones I found here. The endometriosis I had my whole life (I’m now 46) was a cake walk compared to the hell I’m in now!… I have to put Lidocaine inside my vjay 15 mins before sex & then lube just to make love with my husband of 26 years!”
ATH:
“The thought of having sex makes me cringe because I know the kind of pain that will follow. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING??”
Rebecca:
“Was advised only option was a total hysterectomy had it on 6th Febuary 2014 recovery ok. Sex life non existent major loss of feeling, weak pelvic floor – leaking pee when exercise, sneeze, rarely laugh. Feel the lowest I have EVER felt in my life….”
Lisa:
“8 months after Hysterectomy, I am miserable…. The Posterier repair is a nightmare. I am too small for my husband and along with the lack of sensation, its not fun at all.. Even after 6 vaginal births, I always enjoyed sex. Though it feels great to my husband, and he is sensitive about my feelings, I have now developed an anxiety about sex.”
Sheli:
“Im 11 weeks post op of my hysterectomy. My doctor… said id have a brand new vagina and be cancer free and id feel like a brand new person. Omg! Exactly the opposite has happened…. at this point, i wish i wouldve never had the surgery even if it meant keeping the cancer. Im a 34 year old… feels like im 90.
3/4 of my vagina has no feeling…. I have to I guess spend the next 20 years trying to figure this thing out. My sex life, relationship with my husband has all been affected by this horrible surgery…. I feel like my life is over. I’m changing and developing new symptoms all the time. My husband is saying I’ve changed since my surgery…. I fear i may lose my husband and with losing myself like i have due to this whole experience of the surgery, its just too much to bear. I feel like nothing and a no body. I don’t feel like a woman anymore. I feel like I’m a disappointment to everyone and don’t know how I’m going to live the rest of my life like this.”
Jake writes:
“My wife and I had a very good sexual component to our relationship and post surgery it is simply not the same – not at all. It is always funny to me how “doctors” tell you everything was/is fine post hysterectomy. I can absolutely tell you that it significantly and permanently damages/destroys the sexual component of a healthy relationship – PERIOD. Don’t bore me with the “well there must be something else wrong… blah blah. My wife and I had a very good sexual component to our relationship and post surgery it is simply not the same – not at all. Think long and hard and then think again before you allow any “doctor” to permanently mutilate your body.”
PS says:
“My wife had a hysterectomy about 18 months ago. We have been married for 24 years and have always had a passionate sex life. Two weeks ago, she informed me that she no longer has romantic feelings for me and has asked that I not make sexual overtures to her of any kind. This hit me like a ton of bricks. I have read this article and feel very strongly that the effects experienced by WS describe what has happened to my beautiful wife. Needless to say, I am devastated. As a 49 year old man, I’ve realized that sex is actually more than sex, it is an intimate connection that forms a bond. That bond is now missing and I’m reeling… I feel an absence of affection not only for myself, but for my children. My two daughters have reached out to me repeatedly saying that they feel a loss of connection with Mom. I’ve had a few weeks to process this, and as time has passed, and as I have thought more and more about what WS has written, I have begun to grieve not only for myself but for my wife. I feel very strongly that a part of her is now missing.”
Joshua:
“I’m unsure how to ask for help but my fiance had a cervical hysterectomy back in January of this year and she seems to be having issues with mood swings sex drive depression and fatigue. I want to help her and be there for her but no matter what I do or say doesn’t seem right. How can I help her? This is cause a very big strain on our relationship. Plz help me help her.”
I caution any woman who is told she needs a hysterectomy and/or oophorectomy or is considering one to heed these comments. With the gross overuse of these surgeries, chances are she’s being sold a false bill of goods. It’s not always a good idea to rely solely on your doctor’s advice as Someone Who Cares cautions:
“After 40 years of enduring this “disabled” existence, it breaks my heart that no matter how many of us try to warn other women, in various ways, the number of these destructive surgeries continues to increase, not decrease.”
A complete list of my articles can be found here. The HERS Foundation is a good resource for understanding the lifelong functions of the female organs. It also has information about gynecologic conditions and treatment options. These two sites, Gyn Reform (especially the studies/citations link) and Ovaries for Life, are excellent resources about the gross overuse and harm of ovary removal or loss of ovarian function after hysterectomy.
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All of these comments are filling me with dread. I have cancer and have to have the total hysterectomy, remove both ovaries and have my breasts removed. I’m only 35 and I’m about to get married. I’m scared and have no other choice. My childhood and 20s have been a nightmare. I was hoping that my 30s would be better but it seems I’m destined for misery.
My wife had a hysterectomy due to fibroids. My wife’s scent was once a powerful aphrodisiac. After hysterectomy I lost my desire for her. I think I have always had a sensitive olfractory system and this was an unexpected consequence. As far as her being able to orgasm (oral sex) that has not changed. We still care for each other but our sex life is kaputs.
Twenty years ago due to stage 2 ovarian cancer, I had a radical hysterectomy, salpingal oophorectomy, partial vaginectomy, and omentectomy. The good news is that I am alive. The surgery saved my life. I can’t begin to describe the loss I have experienced though…I don’t even know how to explain it. I feel great loss due to my complete lack of estrogen. I am a different person and I am sad. I focus on gratitude but there is no question that I am suffering from a different problem. I feel alienated, disconnected, and broken. I have gained weight. I have stopped dating. I have become insular. It’s a hormonal (lack of) thing. It’s also probably psychological and a form of subconscious ptsd from the aggressive surgery which pretty much gutted me like a fish. I was closed up in a sloppy manner, and not delicately or with great concern for my feelings about my body. I never mentioned it. It’s been 20 years. Not sure why I am saying all of this but I think it is important for me to face my feelings and try to start over. I am so thankful I caught it on time, and so very thankful for my amazing surgeon who saved me. I am just sad that I don’t feel like a woman anymore. No one talks about this. How do I deal with this? I am afraid to take estrogen as it is a risk for breast cancer. So I am nothing. I feel like nothing. I wish men & women would be willing to have conversations as friends, as supporters and as people who care about fellow humans to help me look at myself and appreciate myself. I am trying and I feel very stuck. For those men who have wives that have been through this… I must say, the grieving is not for the sex. The sex probably still works, technically. It;s there. The pain is from the violation, the surgery, the ripping away fo the womanhood, and the estrogen. I want to swin in it, I miss it so much. I feel nothing. That is the problem. I just need estrogen. Maybe I can go and sit in a locker room at the gym and inhale it. Something’s got to give. This is not a sex problem.
All the symptoms I have ! Painful sex never wanting sex with my husband . Mood swings ,never happy ,depressed ,weight gain, loss of glow to my face , thinking no one likes me and I changed ! Etc etc I started taken estrogen cream inserted 3 d weekly even tho my hormone levels was normal. And I feel a lot better so far I actually feel happy wanted to have sexual relations with my husband and it wasn’t painful ! It took over 3 week maybe 4 weeks to get to this point but it’s worth a try ladies! I hope this helps !
My girlfriend of 25 years now 53 years old had this surgery two weeks ago. Ovaries still here. Severe depression, hopelessness and crying. Doc said two weeks and back to normal. I found this site and shocked by what I’m reading. No one said any possibility of these side effects. Doctor was great, enthusiastic and knowledgeable about procedure. After effects never discussed. Cancer is in the family and we were told that it was inevitable so we did it and now the nightmare begins. Hopefully a full drug work up can at least get close to some sort of normal
The whole thing sucks! The doctors tell you nothing. No one at the hospital will tell you What to expect. It changed my wife’s personality, change her character, changed her outlook, And took away the wonderful woman that I knew and fell in love with. That damn scalpel even changed the way she kisses. It changed her personality. There is no love play no cuddling no nothing, because she doesn’t think of it. The doctor made her into something different. No fire in her eyes. No hunger when she looks at me. No desire at at all. No nothing. Just a blank expression when it comes to sex.
I feel the exact same way after my wife’s total hysterectomy. She is a different person. All the passion and connections are gone. No sex drive, no glow.
I am five months post op total hysterectomy; I asked my doctor so many questions; she just kept saying you will feel amazing! You will feel better. I had my uterus, Fallopian tubes, and cervix removed. I have little desire for sex, my husband has been amazing but he has needs too. All I want to do is sleep…alone; when we do have sex I cry uncontrollably but I hide it from him; because I don’t want him to feel bad. We still wanted more children, and I know we can try for surrogacy but it’s too expensive. He refuses to adopt ( he wants the experience of me having our child), and I wish I could go back and change my mind. I’ve been so sad since the surgery that I sometimes find myself calling a funeral. I can hardly look at others having babies around us; even though I try to be supportive of them. I had endometriosis and fibroids I thought the pain couldn’t get worse then the emotional pain started and I now know I was wrong .
Reading this give mixed reaction of relief (for not feeling like I was the only one) because so many women had told me they had hysterectomies and their sex life was the same or “better than ever” and this did NOT match my experience. The other side of the mix was grief. My husband of 19 years couldn’t wait to divorce me and he treated me horribly and said terrible things to me and about me and completely dissociated me from his family, instead of being there for support for me during this life changing event. I went through a long period of a series of further misfortunes to the point I experienced PTSD. I have not been able to date or hope for another relationship, as I feel devastated and lacking desire. I no longer find myself wanting to attract the attention of men and am fearful of how I might be treated or harmed. I have retreated and withdrawn from social life and keep to myself a lot these days. I have tried to forge a life alone and it is a daily challenge. I hope no one ever has the kind of experience I had, but it looks like a significant number of us have. I feel for you all and hope you can keep strong and love yourself no matter what. You are good and beautiful and still a woman and it is not your fault. Look at the positive side whenever you can. No more fear of pregnancy, no more heavy bleeding, pain, intense discomfort and no more “Aunt Flow.” Take extra good care of yourself. You deserve it!
I’m in the same boat
My wife had a hysterectomy and let me tell you its like a different. Woman pluss 19year step son issues
am gonna bale
I had a complete hysterectomy at 21. Six weeks after my only son was born. I had the mirena and it caused me to hemorrhage. So the docs say it’s cool to tie the tubes it will help. Woke up to a complete hysterectomy. Iam 33 now and I feel nothing but hurt and pain and anger. I feel like I’m not a woman. I have been with my husband for 13 years and it is hard to keep going like this. I just want to benefit alone and he does not understand. I almost pray he will find someone else to have sex with but he is very loyal. Even tho I tell him to. I love him but I know that I will not ever be able to make him happy and it destroys me daily. I dont feel any kind of love or arousal. I am just an empty pit and he doesn’t understand this. No matter how much I try to tell him. He thinks we have to have sex daily and I freaking dread it. I dont want to be touched at all I just want to be left alone. Iam too young to feel like I’m some antique piece of barn equipment.
My wife had one ovarie removed and her uterus ever since she has been what most women say, I will like to say that good good pot kicks her hormones in and gets very very horney and can cum multiple times. Problem is my ego was hurt cuz when we can’t find good good even if I find just some good it don’t work, then I get frustrated why we need that for her to desire me. Am I not enough to get you in the mood? It ways on the men too, I’m grateful she can be whole when we do get that quality pot, but again it bothered me 26 yrs married I’m 50 she 47. Then I recent I bought the pot that didn’t work and tell myself hell with it I’m done with the pot. After reading all these comments help me understand better. So I’ll be looking for that good good again.
I had a completely unnecessary hysterectomy due to hyperplasia, which can be treated with progesterone. I had never got on well with synthetic progesterone, but at no point did my gynae suggest any alternatives. I wish I had done my homework sooner. Four months after my op, I had hormonal shock induced transient global amnesia. Woke up with no clue where I was! After that I got my act together and contacted a private hormone specialist in London. I now have bio-identical estrogen, progesterone and testosterone. I take dhea, vitamin d, calcium, zinc and magnesium. I feel fantastic, and I look better than I have in years. I’m 58. Testosterone gives hysterectomised women their libido back. The only negatives are, and I think women should shout louder about this, the cervix is essential for orgasm. Mine was removed. I can still orgasm but it’s not the same. Male gynaes have no clue what they are doing to a woman’s sex life when they remove the cervix. The only other negative is that I don’t seem to get as emotional about things as I used to, but there is an up side too as I seem much more resilient. My perspective? Don’t have a hysterectomy, but if you’ve had one, get your hormones checked and balanced properly and fully. Have a full blood test and don’t touch synthetic hormones. They are altered to ensure they can be patented for profit and so they don’t work properly. Bio-identical works brilliantly for me, notwithstanding some bad press, Finally, my approach? it’s done, maintain a positive attitude, use the testosterone, enjoy your new but different sexuality and don’t dwell on how things could or should have been. It is possible to feel great after a hysterectomy, and, touch wood, mostly I do.
Hilary – So sorry you were also a victim of the hysterectomy racket. Glad to hear that hormones have helped. Both bio-identical and synthetic hormones are profitable for the makers and those who prescribe them.
My wife and I were told that a total hysterectomy may improve our sex life. My wife never had a strong libido previous to the surgery, but now it is non existent. 4 years later and I have to ask for hugs, Sex is non existent, but she will occasionally reach out to hold my hand. I have asked her to talk to her Doctor, but each time she goes it is never mentioned. Sex isn’t everything, I don’t need it often (I’d be happy with once every couple of months), but the emotional distance hurts horribly. I’m not going to leave her or have an affair. I do need to come to terms that we are room mates and not a true couple anymore.
Noderehwon – My heart breaks for you and your wife and every other couple whose relationship has been shattered by the horrific aftermath of hysterectomy. It is probably hard for your wife to talk about because it is so devastating and I think a lot of us women feel responsible when, in fact, it is the gynecologists at fault since they withhold information and are usually deceitful about the consequences. It is time that they be held accountable for all the lives they have destroyed through their misinformation and deceit. No one seems to want to end this abuse of women so it is up to all of us to spread the word. Thank you for speaking out.
Our sex life used to be great.First words from male mouths….
With diminishing testosterone themselves…..
I might feel some sympathy if any other concerns were expressed other than male sex lives.Every where I read-male sexual satisfaction is the topic this revolves around.
I am having a total “castration”.I’ll have a fully intact vagina though for what good that might do.
Why?Bc I have high grade cancer.I will die if I do not….the cancer is an assault and betrayal of my body that has caused the need for this surgery.Keep my parts…I die.Period.
Stop blaming this awful situation for men dissatisfied with their sex lives and want their wives on HRT.
I plan on doing all I can to recover my sex life,after I have healed.Maybe some of you men should ask yourself if you are emotionally supportive of your wives experience.That might go a little ways toward the sex life you feel was taken from you by your broken wives.
I understand this affects husbands,I do.But some of you come across as completely selfish with more regard to your sexual releases than what the woman who has had this done is going through.It’s not only about you.
With all do respect, my wife doesn’t seem to care after four years of no libido. I support her on a daily basis for whatever she wants to do. she has mu full support and talk to her daily about her feelings. Mine don’t come into play and are dismissed as irrelevant.
I don’t pester her for sex. She no longer initiates hugs or wants to cuddle. She has become emotionally detached. I have asked her to ask her Doctor for the last three years, and she never does. It hurts and I’m tired of living like I am not the victim. We both are.
I wish you luck, but your husband is going to go through hell with your attitude.
All due respect and absolute empathy for the awful list of items this brutal surgery subjects women to, almost no one addresses the marriage. Yes men and women differ. However, it is the men who are repeatedly told that we need to just accept the changes. This includes going from a rewarding sexual portion of the marriage to nothing or close tonit, the emotional and physical withdrawal of our wives and being blamed and told we dont u understand when we try to discuss it.
Am I glad that my wife will be alive and healthy thanks to the surgery? Of course. However, instead of a barbaric and brutal marriage changer why cannot modern medicine search for a solution that does not mutilate. In addition, why is there no decent support group for dedicated husbands who feel like they have lost connections and enjoyment with their wives and now feel miles distant held at a length. Women, not that many of us are all about our satisfaction. we are hurt, we are uncertain how to close that gap and we feel unwanted, unable to properly support our wives and we down in depression while being told hownwring we are to want to establish the close connections with our wives. This procedure may be necessary but it is barbaric and changes the lives (plural) of the couple.
What the heck? I’m reading sexual problems and heart break from both men and women. Have a heart, it’s not a gender issue. People’s lives are being destroyed. People.
You are absolutely right, Charles. Hysterectomy destroys lives – men’s and women’s as well as children’s. It is shocking that a surgery that is so common (45% of U.S. women end up having one) has destroyed and continues to destroy so many lives.
LMarie – I am incredibly sorry that you have cancer, but you have to keep in mind, that it is also very important to hear from men as well. Men have also been directly affected, and had their own world turned upside down from their wives having a hysterectomy. To suggest that it is all about sex for them is rather insensitive. I had a hysterectomy 10 years ago, and it has affected both my sex life, energy level and personality negatively. The changes have been devastating to both me, and my husband. Women are just as upset about the changes to their sex lives, as their husbands are. We can’t be insensitive to what men/husbands go through when this happens to their wives. Even though they are on the other side of things, just imagine what it is like for the men to have their wives go in for a hysterectomy, and come out of the operation a different person in every way. The men/husbands are victims as well, and should not be silenced. We cannot be insensitive to how this affects them. These men who have left comments, clearly love their wives and are very upset by what has happened to them. Reading some of these posts from men are very heartbreaking, and it is important for others to read about their experiences.
I had to have an emergency hysterectomy to save my life due to placenta accreta. They took my uterus only but it has been very devastating for me. The trauma of it all especially messed me up with ptsd. I lost the powerful uterus contracting orgasms and I was suicidal for several months. I am about two years out and while I still don’t feel 100% like me and I still struggle with depression and ptsd, I have to give some hope because I was able to keep working hard on myself and my sexuality and I will say that there is hope. My pitiful orgasms after the hysterectomy were very heartbreaking but I have been working hard to regain as much as I could and I am so happy to say they are back to at least 75-80% now with occasional 90% ones. I had to learn new pathways and relearn this new body. I hate that I had to do that but I wasn’t willing to give up and I am so glad I didn’t. I enjoy sex again very much and the orgasms while still missing that deep middle part are much better and satisfying again. Sometimes places feel even more sensitive in a good way like nerves have regenerated and rewired. I know I will never be the same but I have hope with the progress I have made and I am going to keep moving forward and learning to love this new person I am. Hope that helps someone because you can find a way forward and even though things change they can still change for good again. You can find a path to healing and the body wants to heal. ?
Kitty, I’m sorry this happened to you. Thank you for sharing your experience and giving women some hope. It really is hard to overcome the devastation of hysterectomy. But somehow we have to “accept” what we cannot change and learn to deal with the aftermath. At the same time, it is important for us to talk about the aftermath since most women do not get informed consent from their doctors. It is one thing when a surgery is necessary but 90% of hysterectomies are not. Thanks again for sharing.
Rick. I’m in exactly the same position. My wife isn’t allowed hrt either but that’s probably a mercy in terms of libido since the surgeon removed all structures that provide orgasm as well. My whole life has collapsed around me because of this. It’s like I’m suddenly living with an emotionless cold sexless robot that doesn’t care about anything. I can hardly believe it. Op was three years ago.
I wonder if you might consider writing about your experience with your wife’s hysterectomy. Few realize how devastating it can be for the partners because most men do no speak out. You could do this anonymously, if you choose, but I think this a perspective that should be told. Perhaps then doctors, male doctors especially, wouldn’t be so quick to dismiss the side effects of this surgery and perhaps also, wouldn’t perform it so regularly and callously.
I had a full laparoscopic hysterectomy 4 years ago. I had pain and pressure in my uterus and could feel a mass. The doctor said everything had to go, ovaries, cervix, uterus, the whole thing if I was going to do the robotic laparoscopic method and be fully functioning in 2 weeks.
I did not want to go through a traditional hysterectomy in which my cervix could have been saved. The surgery required a decent sized incision and recovery would have been months.
My doctor acted as though shortening my vagina and turning it in to a pocket was no big deal. How rude! That affects my ability to even want sex, if I know there is nothing in there but a shortened pocket!
However I made the choice have the surgery to take everything out. I have no scars and I recovered very quickly. I had some large masses that could not be biopsied which turned out to be benign-they were deteriorated fibroids, but I was told by several experts that they ran a risk for becoming malignant.
Four years later, I have a very diminished sex drive. I still am able to orgasm though. My husband also has medical problems that affect his ability to perform. But I am ok with not having a sex life any more. I still am very affectionate with my husband and we love each other with or without sex. I am the minority but I am actually glad I don’t think about sex anymore. I used to think about it all the time and it was a distraction. This is just me. I can see how others might deeply grieve the loss of their reproductive organs. I am glad that I do not have scars and that helps my body image. I feel I made the right choice.
CC – Even though you are ok with a “very diminished” sex drive and not having sex any more, your surgeon was dishonest about having to remove all your organs in order to do a robotic hysterectomy. And no method of hysterectomy has a two week recovery. The same amount of cutting is done internally regardless of the size and location of the incisions. While smaller incisions will heal more quickly, surgical recovery takes months regardless of the surgical method.
I suspect too that your surgeon failed to tell you about the increased health risks of hysterectomy and the additional increased health risks of oophorectomy / castration. It’s critical that women be provided with this information (informed consent) before signing a surgical consent form.
I wish you the best for your future health.
Who is WS? Are you a person or does WS stand for the website? I find it horrible to see your responses to these heartbreaking posts, yes there is a lack of info about the consequences of a hysterectomy, yes I agree there seems to be a complete lack of info before hand to enable women to make an informed choice BUT it’s happened and women and men in this situation need to have some balanced info about dealing with the consequences, you seem to be saying there is no hope!
John – Thank you for commenting. WS is the author / me. I’m sorry it sounds so bleak. I don’t have much to offer because the functions of women’s sex organs cannot be replaced. (Removal of a man’s prostate and/or testicles has permanent after effects too.) Some try various herbs and/or hormones but based on my connections with many women, they don’t seem very effective as far as sexual function. I hope you and your partner can work through the changes. I think it’s critical that women and men speak out on the after effects of hysterectomy. Their silence perpetuates the gross overuse of this destructive surgery.
WS thank you for the truth. I was told taking all my female organs was just like pullibg a tooth. I suffer in agony every day unable to ever have sex again as the butcher only left part of my vagina making even attempting sex excruciating.. I suffer from bowel and bladder incontinence and several other complications and I NEVER had nothing wrong to start with. They fabricating a number of non-existent female problems including non-existent cancer. I found out in the aftermath after they bullied and threatened me with chemotherapy if I didn’t have a radical hysterectomy in 2 days that it was a teaching hospital where they need guinea pigs for surgeons in training. The morning after the surgeon said that all my removed organs were as clean as a whistle. No maligancy whatsover.. I was a victim of the hysterectomy racket and my health and my life has been completely destroyed because I trusted these shysters. Here is a short version of what those crooked doctors did to me for personal gain… Medical Rape: Coerced Hysterectomy … – Hormones Matter
https://www.hormonesmatter.com/medical-rape-coerced
June, I’m so sorry that you were also a victim of the hysterectomy and castration racket. I had read your story before (here and elsewhere). How awful and disgusting! GME hysterectomy minimums also played a role in my unwarranted hysterectomy. My ovaries should not have been removed either since all I had was a benign cyst. I am horrified by the many women in their 20’s and 30’s having hysterectomies thinking that loss of fertility is the only negative. Little do they know! And with all the censorship, we can’t even warn them.?
Five years ago i had my son, He ended up being an emergency C-section. From there my body went down hill. A year later i had a partial hysterectomy, they just took my uterus and about 5 to 6 lbs of scar tissue. Healing from that took forever, and right before my oldest child’s birthday. Sex life wasn’t great but it wasn’t over. From there it was up and down, good days and bad days. The pain some days was so bad I couldn’t even get out of bed, or at least I didn’t want to. Right before my son turned 5 I had another surgery. This time it was a full Hysterectomy. Now almost a year later my life has completely changed. my sex drive is gone. My emotions are gone. My wants and needs for other people and their feelings are gone. I’ll snap sometimes for no reason and I’ll make myself say something to them just so they don’t have to feel a fraction of the pain I feel. I feel like I’m empty inside. My daughter will be coming into womanhood soon and i feel like i can’t help her through it, How can i help her become a woman if i don’t feel like one myself. my marriage is on it’s last leg and i feel completely helpless to everyone in my house. I’ve lost friends and some family. My hysterectomy has ruined my life.
Alicia, I’m sorry that you are also experiencing the horrific after effects of hysterectomy as well as castration. It’s shameful and a violation of their Hippocratic Oath that gynecologists do not provide women with the facts about the damaging effects of female organ removal. I hope you can find some semblance of life and peace after this horrific violation. I understand your desperation.
I’m tired of feeling guilty for my body’s brokenness. I love my hubby but sometimes being alone seems less painful than the guilt.
Wendy – I’m sorry. I know all too well how you feel. 🙁
My wife is 5 years post full hysterectomy. Not only did it ruin our sex life, it has ruined our marriage and she now wants a divorce. This has ruined my life. The pos doctor said nothing about this happening. I remember being at one of the pre operation vistits and her asking the doctor spacificallly “when will I be able to have sex again?”. We had a super strong sex life. Now I’m reduced to master bating to porn like a ticking higj school boy. I’m pissed. Everyone who has knowen us throughout our marriage would have never thought in a million years we would end up divorced. Now here I am. 48 years old. My wife wants to split. We will both be financially devistated by this divorce and all hopes of growing old comfortably are going to be a dream. I am so screwed. I can’t sleep, I can’t work and I’m about to be alone. I am devistated… 🙁 🙁 🙁
Rick – I’m sorry your wife’s hysterectomy destroyed your marriage as is the case for many couples. It’s criminal that gynecologists withhold the after effects of hysterectomy from women. Many are also lied to about their diagnoses and treatment options to get them to consent to this horrifically destructive surgery (fraud in the inducement). It’s no wonder 90+% of hysterectomies are unwarranted. This all holds true for ovary removals / oophorectomies (castrations) too.
And sadly, the medical literature proves that loss of sexual desire and function and emotional emptiness are just the tip of the iceberg. 🙁
Our sex life used to be great until she was mutilated by this barbaric surgury. I’m 62 and we are now empty nesters.I still want intimacy and sex but now get neither. It’s torture to share the same bed and be next to a person who just wants to go to sleep and nothing else. The surgury was done to “cure” endometriosis. Little did we know the awful repercussions. I suggested HRT,but she doesn’t seem to be in any hurry to act on it. She is 59 years-old.
Scott – I’m sorry your wife’s hysterectomy destroyed your relationship as is the case for many couples. It’s criminal that gynecologists withhold the after effects of hysterectomy from women. And hysterectomy is not a cure for endometriosis. It sounds like her surgery was done recently. Since she’s 59 I assume she was menopausal or close to it? Endometriosis symptoms typically improve quite a bit after menopause anyway. But women are commonly misled about their diagnoses and treatment options to get them to consent to a rarely needed hysterectomy.
I hope you and your wife can survive this betrayal and assault on her body and your relationship.