August 2014 - Page 2

Endometriosis and Hysterectomy: Reality and Recovery

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Since my last post in March 2013, after my second surgery for endometriosis I have been through hell and back. My endometriosis continued to spread and cause pain and my doctors all but ignored my declining health.

December 24th 2013 I wrote my surgeon a letter to express my discontent. I did not feel that I received the care I needed, especially from one of the physicians he had trained. I felt betrayed and was still suffering immensely; I was left to fend for myself. According to them, if I wasn’t willing to take huge doses of endometriosis, nerve or antidepressant meds, then I wasn’t worth their time. I was a lost cause and they effectively ignored me.  I really felt lost in the Endo world once again.

When I wrote the letter to my physician, I was at a low point in my life. I hated my job; the stress was so high that I could barely cope. I was on and off medications prescribed by the pain clinic, in addition to those prescribed by my family physician. The side effects from all of these meds were so bad I could not function at work. I would cry at a drop of a dime. I was sick every day. I had to deal with stressful things that I should not have been put in the position to do. I felt like I was losing my mind.

Unexpected Compassion

I can’t remember the exact date, but sometime late January 2014 I got a phone call that changed my whole life. I wasn’t expecting anything, just to vent my frustrations. The nurse intern to one of my original surgeons called me. She said that she had spoken to the surgeon and was told to call me to say that “there seemed to be some misunderstanding” regarding my care. Umm no; there was no misunderstanding, as far as I could tell. The care was bad and they disregarded my continued pain.

She wanted me to come in for an appointment. I was hesitant. I had seen this physician so many times and left his office crying on many occasions over the last three years that I could not see willingly enduring any more appointments.  How could I withstand yet another appointment where I was pushed to take more drugs that did nothing to alleviate the pain, while making me suicidal and depressed?

I eventually decided to go to the appointment, because in Canada we have no endometriosis specialists. He is the only one.

I had an appointment with this physician the second week of February. I saw my GP a week before. I felt like I was losing my mind. I needed something to help. She suggested Prozac. I was reluctant, but desperate. I could barely get out of bed, I felt disassociated from my body and felt that I just wanted to end everything. I was suicidal and psychotic.

The following week, I saw my surgeon and he did indeed try to push me onto some fancy, new med that was used for fibroids but was started to be used for endometriosis as well. I pretty much tuned him out. None of these meds work and the side effects are often worse than the original disease. I felt that no matter what I said, he would not listen. I started to cry.  It was at this point, his nurse intern, my angel, spoke on my behalf.  I am not sure whether it was her job to advocate, but she did and I am forever grateful.  From our conversations on the phone and prior to this appointment, she knew what I wanted and expected to have happen. She wasn’t going to let me leave that office without having been heard. When I stuttered or began crying, she stepped in and said what I wanted to say. She held my hand, gave me tissue and had the empathy of someone you would expect to have when they too have experienced life with endo. It was a first for me, her compassion. In all of my 24 years of dealing with physicians and endometriosis, she was the first caregiver who expressed compassion.

Confessions of a Castrated Woman

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I am a castrated woman. Therefore, I am sexually dead! On a scale of one to ten, my sexual desire and response went from a ten plus to zero. Thank goodness, I am a good actress, and to all appearances, I am still a sexually vibrant woman. In private, however, it’s a whole different reality.

I am a castrated woman. Therefore, I am exhausted. Continually exhausted. I have to push myself every minute of every day, and I have to be selective about how I “spend” what little energy I do have. Thank goodness, I am a good actress, and most people would never guess that I am functioning exhausted, every day of my life.

I am a castrated woman. Therefore, I am crazy. Loveable but crazy. Psychologically, I have been shattered into a million pieces, and I spend my life trying to hold myself together, mentally and emotionally. Most of the time, it feels as though I’m not “me” anymore. Thank goodness I am a good actress, and most people would probably describe me as an interesting fireball and a little bit crazy, but charmingly so.

I am a castrated woman. Therefore, I am living with so many additional resulting health issues, the list is way too long to mention each one. Dealing with all these problems has put tremendous strain on my acting ability, but I do the best I can.

As the years have passed, it has been more and more difficult to deal with all of the unfixable consequences that were caused by the destructive surgery of hysterectomy and castration. I have survived for nearly 40 years, through stubbornness and determination, but at some point, my acting ability will be all used up. How I wish I had known that, unless there is invasive cancer or uncontrollable bleeding, this disabling surgery is totally unnecessary.

Every year in this country, approximately half a million unsuspecting women subject themselves to this surgery, because they are not informed about the numerous, life-changing problems they could face afterward.

I have never been courageous enough to “go public” with warnings. I prefer to do so in private ways, such as this anonymous article. If you have never heard this warning before, please trust me. I am telling you the truth.

Maybe, I should have shouted from the rooftops years ago. To any woman I might have warned, who is suffering now, I do apologize. One of the problems, in trying to “sound the alarm” is the fact that there are women who would tell you that what I have said is ridiculous. Maybe these women are the lucky ones, who have experienced only a few adverse after effects, and have no idea what it’s like for those of us who have had to deal with numerous, life-long problems we never could have imagined.

To those women who may have sailed through hysterectomy and castration with very few problems afterward, I am delighted for your good fortune. However, please be sensitive to the fact that many of us have been left with a half-alive, nightmare existence that never ends. When we try to warn other women, it’s because we care about them. How I wish somebody would have warned me, nearly 40 years ago.

If you are considering hysterectomy and/or castration, you may have to decide whom to trust: the woman who cares enough to warn you or the one who says I am ridiculous.

Author Anonymous

Gardasil Skin Reactions and Polysorbate 80

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In 2007 I had thought it a grand idea for my 3 daughters to go to the clinic where I worked as a family physician and start their HPV series. At that time, I was a fairly traditional allopathic practitioner, although the seeds of doubt regarding the growing list of childhood immunizations had been planted about 10 years earlier while researching the newly released chickenpox vaccination for a grand rounds project. I did, however, readily support the “traditional” vaccine cocktails, and dutifully repeated what I had learned in medical school to my patients. Now that preventing cervical cancer was all the rage, as mother and doctor, I was going to protect my daughters! After all, I had received a fine education from the local drug rep about the miracle known as Gardasil, and how it was going to rescue my girls from the risk of getting cervical cancer. The world of medicine was indeed creating lifesaving interventions, and how convenient that I could learn about them over my lunch hour.

The girls came together, and all 3 felt a bit woozy after the first Gardasil injection. I laughed, called them woosies, and didn’t think much about it afterwards.

The oldest, A, was 18 at the time. She came back 2 months later for her second Gardasil injection. She just about passed out and needed to lie down prior to leaving the clinic. She didn’t feel well for several days after – light headed, dizzy, vision blurry, headache, and “just not right”. A few weeks later she developed hives that lasted for 3 or 4 days, accompanied by feeling quite faint. That episode was blown off – everyone gets a mysterious case of hives every now and then, never knowing what triggered it…right?

The hives came back, each time with greater intensity and frequency over the next few months. Sometimes she did pass out. Sometimes she had swelling in her face and mouth. Sometimes she had wheezing. The usual allergy medications were used without effect. We were going crazy trying to figure out what the cause was – she had no history of anything other than seasonal allergies in the past. So elimination diet it was. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to convince an 18 year old to eliminate the basic necessities of life such as Skittles and Doritos? We eliminated dairy, food colors, food flavors, soda, artificial sweeteners, and finally I mandated, that if it wasn’t directly from a live animal or plant she was not to eat it. A was miserable enough that she actually listened to me. The hives continued on, seemingly random, but at times predictably worsened if she slipped up and grabbed some forbidden prepackaged food. It made no sense, and I was getting quite angry with myself for not being able to identify the offending substance.

It is a cosmic coincidence that within that time span, I had begun researching vaccine safety. And the light bulb went off in my head that her hives had started fairly soon after the Gardasil vaccination. One day at work, A called me, crying her eyes out – she said she had been so good, not eating anything artificial, and was having a particularly bad day. I grabbed the package insert from one of the vials and began reading the ingredients, determined to solve the cause of her symptoms. After all, the immune system will create a response to everything in that shot, not simply to the viral particles that are intended. As I scanned the list, I stopped at Polysorbate 80. That was a familiar ingredient. I have seen it on the labels of just about every prepacked food item available. Then I looked up Polysorbate 80. It can cause anaphylactoid reactions via histamine release. That’s a fancy way of saying it can cause hives, low blood pressure, and other allergy symptoms associated with histamine (think bee stings).

When I came home that night, she had a list of everything she ate. An Oreo YoCrunch was on the list. As I began admonishing her for eating something processed, she said she didn’t eat the Oreo part, just the yogurt – because she thought yogurt was healthy. I grabbed one out of our fridge and scanned the ingredient list. Polysorbate. Could this be it? Had her body created an immune response to the polysorbate, and now was reacting whenever she ate something that contained it?

We eliminated anything with polysorbate or potassium sorbate. Over the course of the next 4 months the episodes of hives subsided. Slip ups in watching labels came with the price of a reaction. Seven years later, she still occasionally will get episodes of being lightheaded or off balance.

I was stunned. Did researchers ever think to evaluate the immune response to the “inactive” vaccine ingredients and how they could cross react with substances people are commonly exposed too? My attention jumped from vaccine to vaccine as I finally pored over the journal articles myself. Who created this junk science? How could any self-respecting scientist or doctor claim that trials without placebo, or with pitiful follow up for adverse events, were sufficient evidence of safety and efficacy? How could world renowned medical journals that physicians were supposed to trust publish these poorly put together studies? And then I grew angry. I like to consider myself a fairly intelligent person, yet I was so easily led down the path of blind faith in what “experts” were telling me. It wasn’t just the Gardasil vaccine – it was all of them. My newly opened eyes started to bear witness to the adverse events of many of the other immunizations I had delivered, and my practice radically changed to delaying them at least until age 2, if choosing to vaccinate at all.

Needless to say, none of my daughters completed their series. And no other patient ever received Gardasil on my order. I educate parents and young women on the dangers of the vaccine (and they go way beyond the polysorbate story). I plead with the mothers of 11 and 12 year olds to not listen to the news, to not listen to the school nurse. I pray that I have not done permanent damage to my daughters and many other girls via the “education” I received from a drug rep and the media, instead of researching the topic myself.

About the author: Dr. Gayl Hamilton was raised in New York City, graduated with a Biology degree from SUNY Buffalo, and received her MD degree from the University of Alabama Birmingham School of Medicine. Her family life and 5 children led her to settling in Southern Wisconsin, where she completed residency at the UW Wausau Family Medicine program. Her professional experience continued in a variety of settings until she left traditional family practice in order to pursue a more holistic and wellness-based practice. She is also a strong supporter of reviving midwifery and safe home birth. To learn more about Dr. Hamilton: The Art of Medicine Naturally or Family Practice Midwifery.

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