progestin

Hormones, Birth Control, and Insulin Resistance

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Little known fact. Your reproductive hormones influence how your body responds to insulin. The artificial hormones in hormonal birth control also play a huge role in how your body responds to insulin. And, your body’s response to insulin determines how well you are able to use glucose to supply your daily energy needs.

In this article, we will discuss the basics of how your body creates energy. In this first section, we will unpack:

  • How your body creates energy from glucose
  • Glucose vs. fatty acids as an energy source
  • How insulin resistance impacts the shift between glucose burning and fat burning
  • How glucose enters your cells to become fuel for energy
  • How insulin resistance interferes with the transfer of glucose into your cells

Then, we will tie in how your natural reproductive hormones, estradiol and progesterone, impact your body’s use of glucose as a fuel source and discuss how hormonal birth control disrupts this natural balance.

How the Body Creates Energy From Glucose

Many of your cell types are designed to run on glucose, a metabolic product of carbohydrates, as their main source of energy, and in fact, certain cells that don’t contain mitochondria (or contain very few mitochondria) like red blood cells and cells of certain parts of your eye (lens, retina, and cornea) rely either exclusively (as is the case for red blood cells) or primarily on glucose as an energy source.

The reason for this is that mitochondria are responsible for aerobic (oxygen required) energy creation processes within your body, and cells with no or very few mitochondria rely mostly on anaerobic (no oxygen required) energy creation by glycolysis in the cytoplasm of the cell. As we will discuss in more detail later, when your body uses fatty acids as a fuel source, this pathway is purely aerobic, so it is not possible for fatty acids to be used in anaerobic energy creation processes within your cells.

When you eat a meal containing sugar (sucrose) or carbohydrates, enzymatic processes begin breaking the sugar and carbs down into their basic structures within your digestive tract. The structure of both sugar and carbs contain glucose.

Glucose fuels the creation of ATP in a process known as glycolysis, which happens within the cell, and through oxidative phosphorylation (OXPHOS), which happens within the mitochondria (substructures within the cell). When ATP is broken down within your cells, it releases energy, which is harnessed to power your mitochondria and other important cellular functions. The by-products of that ATP creation (pyruvate and ATP) fuel additional energy production cascades within the cell.

How the Body Switches From Glucose to Fatty Acids for Energy

Even when particular cell types prefer carbs (glucose) as their energy source rather than fatty acids, most cell types are capable of using either of these macronutrients (and also, when necessary, amino acids) as a fuel in order to survive periods of fasting (including overnight fasting).

Insulin plays a key role in regulating whether your body uses glucose (glycolysis in the cell’s cytoplasm and OXPHOS in the mitochondria) or fatty acids (lipolysis in the cell’s cytoplasm and fatty acid oxidation in the mitochondria) as its preferred fuel source. This is because insulin impacts the ratio of two key enzymes (malonyl Coenzyme A and acetyl CoenzymeA) that determine which of these energy pathways is preferred (here and here). The ratio of these enzymes is dynamic, changing throughout the day in response to when and what you eat, and in response to this fluctuating ratio, your body preferentially uses carbs (glucose) or fatty acids as its fuel source.

In an insulin resistant state, your body does not easily shift between glycolysis/OXPHOS (glucose as fuel) and lipolysis/fatty acid oxidation (fatty acids as fuel) and instead remains in a state of using fatty acids as fuel. We will talk about why this is the case in the next section.

How Glucose Gets Inside Cells

The glucose released in your digestive tract from the food you eat is absorbed into your bloodstream, and when your blood glucose levels start to rise following a meal (or any drink containing carbs or sugar), it signals your pancreas to release insulin.

Insulin is the messenger that lets your cells (specifically, your skeletal muscle, fat, kidney, and liver cells) know there is glucose available in your bloodstream.  Insulin does this by binding to the cellular membrane, and this activates glucose transporters on the cellular membrane.

Once blood glucose levels start to drop, a healthy body clears insulin fairly quickly so that it can maintain adequate blood sugar levels. Insulin must be cleared so that blood sugar doesn’t drop too low.

What Is Insulin Resistance?

A number of factors influence how your cells respond to insulin. External influences (like stress, diet, and lack of sleep) along with internal factors (hormonal fluctuations) play a role in how the cells respond to insulin. And, different types of cells respond differently to insulin. Skeletal muscle cells are the most sensitive to insulin. Fat cells and liver cells are also sensitive to insulin, and so these cell types (skeletal muscle, fat, and liver) are the quickest to take up extra glucose from the bloodstream.

When your body becomes more insulin resistant, the cells are not as able to respond to insulin. My favorite analogy for this is to imagine that you are at a rock concert. You cannot easily hear the person next to you because the volume in the venue is so loud that your ears are overloaded by the background noise. In order to carry on a conversation, you must move to a quieter place. In this scenario, insulin is the background noise or the decibel level. When you are insulin resistant, your pancreas releases extra insulin to try to get your body’s cells to respond. This would be the same as somebody yelling at you in a concert hall so that you are able to hear them speak.

When you restore insulin sensitivity, it is like taking your body out of that loud concert hall and placing it somewhere quiet. Now, you are able to hear and carry on a conversation without any problems. When you restore insulin sensitivity, the cells are capable of responding to a much lower amount of insulin much more quickly and take the action of absorbing glucose from the bloodstream.

Insulin Resistance Begets Insulin Resistance

With insulin resistance, the cells are used to the high insulin environment (partially deaf to insulin), so they stop responding to insulin’s call. This prompts the pancreas to release more insulin in order to get your cells to hear the message to soak up the extra glucose circulating in the bloodstream. When insulin is unable to be heard because of the high background noise (because there is so much circulating insulin the cells are deaf to it), then glucose isn’t taken up by the cells. This then creates the false message from your cells to key organs to start releasing stored glucose (in a process called gluconeogenesis) to supply the body’s energy needs.

When we are talking about diabetes, this feedback loop often, but not in everyone with diabetes, results in a perfect storm of upward spiraling blood sugar levels.

 

insulin resistance cycle common in diabetes showing increased insulin resistance triggering gluconeogenesis resulting in higher blood sugar levels which increases insulin resistance
Figure 1. Insulin resistance begets more insulin resistance.

Even in conditions besides diabetes where blood sugar levels are dysregulated, you might have one condition (for example, insulin resistance), without the other (increased release of glucose from your body’s reserves).

With all of that in mind, let us take a look at how reproductive hormones impact insulin resistance and gluconeogenesis, the process of releasing glucose from stored reserves.

Estradiol, Synthetic Estrogens, and Insulin Resistance

Reproductive hormones play a key role in insulin resistance. Most scientific studies agree that estradiol (the endogenous estrogen produced primarily in the ovaries throughout the reproductive years) boosts the release of insulin from the pancreas. While at first glance, this looks like estradiol might contribute to insulin resistance because it prompts release of extra insulin, the opposite is actually true.

Estradiol is widely accepted as a potent compound to restore insulin sensitivity. Whether this is because of upregulation of insulin from the pancreas or whether it is also because of the influence estrogen has on the cells when it binds to estrogen receptors or a combination of both of these is not clear. What is clear, is that estradiol encourages cellular uptake of glucose and more rapid reduction of blood glucose levels after a meal. Estradiol also reduces gluconeogenesis in the liver suppressing the release of free glucose into the bloodstream from the body’s reserves, and this supports healthy blood sugar levels (here and here).

Estrogen Concentrations and Insulin Resistance

How estradiol affects insulin resistance is concentration dependent. Estradiol concentrations in the bloodstream within the normal circulating range (not more than 1 nanomolar abbreviated 1 nM) are associated with healthy insulin sensitivity and healthy blood sugar levels while concentrations higher than 1 nM are associated with insulin resistance. This may be why gestational diabetes is a common condition during pregnancy with up to 10% of pregnant women in America developing gestational diabetes. Progesterone also plays a key role in gestational diabetes as we will discuss in more detail below.

Non-bioidentical Estrogen and Insulin resistance

Ethinyl estradiol, the most common synthetic estrogen used in hormonal contraceptives here in America, also impacts insulin resistance, but like endogenous estradiol, the relationship is not straightforward. Ethinyl estradiol has been shown to impact insulin sensitivity and gluconeogenesis differently depending on:

  • its concentration in the hormonal birth control
  • what progestin (synthetic progesterone) it is paired with

Just as high concentrations of endogenous estradiol increase the chances of dysregulated blood glucose control, the synthetic estrogen, ethinyl estradiol, also increases chances of dysregulated blood glucose control. Chemical diabetes caused by hormonal birth control is also well documented in the literature. This is one of the reasons why, since the 1960s, the concentration of artificial estrogens in combined oral contraceptives has been dramatically reduced from upwards of 60 micrograms per pill to as low as 10 micrograms. Currently, most birth control options contain from 20 to 35 micrograms of ethinyl estradiol per pill.

Estrogen Binds to Insulin Receptors Affecting Insulin Resistance

Estrogens, whether synthetic or endogenous, affect blood sugar regulation differently at different concentrations because of their ability to bind to insulin receptors. This concentration-dependent effect of both endogenous estradiol and synthetic estrogens is often overlooked in the conversation regarding the impact of hormonal contraceptives on blood sugar control. Inasmuch as estrogens play a role in insulin sensitivity, insulin secretion, and in gluconeogenesis, and because estrogens are combined in hormonal contraceptives with a wide range of synthetic progestins, the effects on blood sugar regulation are quickly compounded and convoluted.

Progesterone, Progestins, and Insulin Resistance

As with estradiol, the concentration of progesterone also impacts whether progesterone improves or diminishes insulin sensitivity. It is generally accepted that higher concentrations of progesterone during pregnancy are a major contributor to gestational diabetes. Similarly, high concentrations of progesterone, even after menopause, are linked to an increased risk of developing type 2 diabetes.

The actions of progesterone on glucose metabolism is very much related to carrying a pregnancy to term, promoting glucose storage (rather than consumption of glucose for fuel) and promoting ketogenesis (fat burning) within the body. Even when not pregnant, progesterone is the dominant hormone during the luteal phase (second half of your cycle), and this effects how your body uses glucose and its sensitivity to insulin. This ties into common experiences during the second half of your cycle including carb cravings, potentially diminished appetite (if you are like me), and also weight gain.

Unlike artificial estrogens, of which there is only one used in the combined hormonal contraceptives available in the United States, for progestins, the synthetic forms of progesterone, there are four generations of progestins, with each generation containing progestins of different molecular structures. The class of molecules used in synthetic progestins are similar in structure to the endogenous progesterone molecule, but they are not the same. In other words, they are non-bioidentical.

Progestins bind differently to the progesterone receptors within the body (and also bind to a variety of other receptors), than the endogenous progesterone and their specific structure contributes to how much and whether insulin resistance increases. The molecular structure also affects how the body conserves glucose (increases glucose storage) or uses glucose (in the process of gluconeogenesis). It is generally believed that the androgenic nature of progestins determine their role in reducing insulin sensitivity (here and here).

Hormones and Body Composition

An interesting note, whether we are talking about natural reproductive hormones, estradiol and progesterone, or artificial hormones, ethinyl estradiol and the various progestins, these are all fat-soluble hormones. That means, these hormones may be stored in, and thus, impact the behavior of fat cells. One study evaluated the response of fat cells (adipocytes) in the presence or absence of treatment with artificial hormones and found that in the presence of artificial hormones, the adipocytes were more insulin resistant. This suggests that fat cells may serve as a reservoir for artificial hormones and endogenous hormones alike. They essentially soak up circulating hormones from the bloodstream, and these absorbed hormones in turn impact how the fat cells behave.

This finding means that body composition affects how you respond to hormones, whether endogenous or synthetic, and vice versa. It also suggests that, among other things, we ought to consider dosing hormonal contraceptives relative to body composition. Women with higher body fat may store more of the hormones than those with lower body fat and this may initiate or exacerbate insulin resistance.

Summary

In summary, reproductive hormones are intricately intertwined with metabolism, both with how the body creates energy and how it stores fats and carbs to meet energy demands between meals. Hormonal birth control impacts this finely choreographed dance between reproductive hormones and insulin sensitivity, and this seemingly small influence has a dramatic ripple effect. Insulin sensitivity dictates things like weight gain, oxidative stress, and even, as we will discuss in the next article, susceptibility to UTIs and UTI like symptoms.

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The Side Effects of Endometriosis Medications

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Making Difficult Decisions

I have endometriosis, adenomyosis, chronic back and pelvic pain, vulvodynia, pelvic floor dysfunction, and as a result I also suffer from depression and anxiety. Endometriosis is a very complicated disease which currently does not have a cure. Often times, endometriosis patients find themselves having to make difficult decisions–some life changing decisions, in order to manage their symptoms.  March is Endometriosis Awareness Month, so I am writing this for the many people that are in the same situation as me. You are not alone in this battle against endometriosis.

 

Endometriosis

It’s been weighing me down like a rusty anchor keeping an old ship at bay.

I have a big decision to make.

It’s been hanging over my head like a storm cloud just waiting to strike.

When I wake up in the middle of the night from a muscle spasm, its on my mind.

When I wake up in the middle of the night to intense hot flashes, sweat soaking through the bed sheets, its on my mind.

When my bladder acts up for the 5th time since 3 a.m, its on my mind.

When I sneeze and one of my back ribs slides out, its on my mind.

All day…every day…ENDOMETRIOSIS IS ON MY MIND.

It was a very long journey to get diagnosed with endometriosis (read my story here), and I thought that once I was finally diagnosed, the road to treatment and feeling better might be easier, but it has not been. I have had excision surgery to remove the endometriosis;  however, my pain has not improved from that surgery.

Since my last article, though the search was long and frustrating, despite numerous rejections, I somehow landed in the care of a wonderful gynecologist. After thoroughly going through my history and all of the unsuccessful “treatments” I’ve put my body through over the years, we discussed some options or rather what little options I had left. He suggested taking a high dosage of progestogen– Norlutate (Norethindrone)–which prevents ovulation and essentially stops my menses altogether, hopefully in turn reducing my daily pain significantly.

I left feeling torn. Part of me wanted to believe there might be a chance that I could regain back some sort of control over my life. The other part of me believed this was “too good to be true” and from past experiences with endometriosis treatments, would probably do more harm than good. After much hesitation and steady contemplation, taking into consideration the financial burden, I decided to give this treatment a try.

The adjustment period was initially pretty rough. The menopausal side effects hit really hard. Between the bed-soaking hot flashes and constant body chills/night sweats, sleep was extremely hard to come by. After about a month, I began to adjust to “functioning” (and I use that word in its loosest sense) on three to four hours of sleep each night.

With the support of my loved ones, as well as a very special meeting with a pain specialist, I decided to pursue a goal of mine: to become a certified yoga teacher. Yoga has been my one constant throughout the past few years, the one thing that I can always turn to and find some sort of relief. Even if it’s not physical relief, the mental relief I get from a class is sometimes worth more than money can buy! I wanted to be able to share that with others suffering from chronic pain. So I enrolled in a yoga teacher training program through my yoga studio. The owners were very supportive and allowed me to make my own hours based on how I felt physically, knowing that my health was my number one priority. I started going 2 to 3 times a week for half days and felt pretty good.

After a month, I started noticing some changes. Instead of becoming stronger and stronger, I was feeling weaker and weaker. My back ribs started slipping out of place randomly. Sometimes it would happen after sitting in the car for too long, other times it would happen at yoga, other times just from a sneeze or cough. I was told this was due to the hormones, and is referred to as ligament laxity (hypermobility).

Slowly but surely more side effects started taking over my life. From mild to extreme–they became all encompassing. From weight gain, acne, hair thinning/hair loss, bladder incontinence (contemplating buying Depends on your 29th birthday is a lot of fun!), constant uncomfortable yeast infections, swelling of my extremities, excruciating pain in my bones, in my joints, in my muscles…all over my body. There were times when I couldn’t be on my feet for more than an hour without having horrible swelling and shooting pains up and down my legs, which made it impossible to walk around. Christmas gift shopping was torture! All of these side effects were having a significant effect on my mood and my anxiety.

Even though the side effects were starting to outweigh the benefits, I stubbornly wasn’t ready to give up. I wasn’t ready to let endometriosis win. The overwhelming sense of this being my last resort was driving me. I met with my doctor to go over everything. After he mentioned bone loss due to the lack of estrogen in my body, he suggested I try add- back therapy of estrogen on top of the progesterone to prevent any more bone loss from happening and to help alleviate some of the menopausal side effects. I was warned to keep an eye out for any returning endometriosis symptoms. It wasn’t long before that started to happen—two weeks, if that.

At the same time as all of that was happening, for the first time ever, I experienced a very scary and painful episode of costochondritis: inflammation of the cartilage that connects a rib to the breastbone/sternum, also known as chest wall pain. It basically mimics what a heart attack feels like. That alone was enough to send my anxiety levels through the roof.

To calm my anxiety, I decided to go to my safe place, a yoga class, which turned out to be a horrible idea. I could barely make it through the first ten minutes of class without collapsing in pain and breaking down in tears. The shooting pain in my wrists and my ankles were so bad that I could barely hold myself up in downward dog. I spent the rest of the class lying there, fighting off the urge to run out of the class and disappear from embarrassment. This was the last straw.

I don’t think I can physically or mentally deal with this anymore. In my heart, I know what needs to happen but my mind keeps replaying flashbacks of the agony I go through living with my period. The truth of the matter is that I’m scared…I’m scared of my period. I’m scared of endometriosis. I’m scared that I’m not mentally or physically strong enough to deal with this for the rest of my life, but I also know in my heart that living with all these side effects surely isn’t a way to live either.

I can’t help but remark on the mind game of it all. I think about the pressure that we feel from other people and the pressure that we put on ourselves to be “better” or “normal”–I’m not sure which is worse. I’ve been holding on, hoping this would work and now I can’t help but be angry with my body for betraying me yet again. For once, why can’t a treatment just work and not leave me overcome with horrible side effects?

I think about all of my endometriosis warriors who have been forced into making life-changing decisions for managing their endometriosis and associated conditions fully knowing the struggle that lies ahead of them. I wonder how they cope? What’s right? What’s wrong? What are the boundaries that we make for our own bodies? When is it too much? When has the line been crossed?

I would love to hear your thoughts xo.

 

Tackling the Contraceptive Conundrum: Questions and Answers

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Last weekend I had the privilege of speaking at a much overdue conference on hormonal contraceptive safety – the Contraceptive Conundrum. I was charged the unenviable task of giving the ‘overview of everything’ talk and providing a framework through which to view these medications; not easy in a 45 minute presentation. Needless to say, there was a tremendous amount of information omitted from my talk. I will be sharing some of this information in series of blog posts over the coming weeks. The presentation was videotaped and I will post it when it becomes available. For the time being, however, I would like to offer up the power point (below) and answer some of the questions posed by audience members that I was unable to address or address fully given the time constraints.

Best Medical Journals

One of presumably less controversial questions I was asked was which medical journals I prefer. As it turns out, even this question inspires indignation on social media. I am strong proponent of open access journals and the entire open data movement. I believe that health research should not be hidden behind a paywall and the raw data behind drug safety trials ought to be readily available for independent analysis and scrutiny. Indeed, all science should be in the public sphere and a part of public discourse. As a matter of course, science should not be available only to the privileged few. The mere suggestion that I prefer open access journals, however, ignited a heated debate on Twitter; the instigators of which suggesting this preference supersedes attempts to access paywalled articles. Let me assure you it does not. I always track down primary sources. Nevertheless, for the reasons stated above and many more, my preference is for open access journals.

Hormonal Contraceptives and IVF

Another audience member asked about the research and risks associated with the use of hormonal contraceptives and IVF. I should preface my response with a disclaimer: I am no expert in IVF, however, I have written about fertility medicine on a number of occasions (here, here, here), mostly with regard to this specialty’s hubris and egregious lack of insight or concern regarding the longer term consequences of many of their practices. As a point of consideration, I write about the hubris and lack of research that pervades all of women’s healthcare. Those are my biases, do with them what you will.

As far as the use of hormonal contraceptives and IVF are concerned, the research is mixed at best and unacceptably limited in scope. The reasoning for using oral contraceptives in advance or in conjunction with IVF treatments ranges from the ease of cycle scheduling to a purported increase in oocyte yields. From an IVF expert:

In my view, it is not only acceptable, but even ideal to take the BCP [birth control pills] for at least one cycle prior to starting COH [controlled ovarian hyperstimulation] in preparation for IVF. Doing so allows one (without prejudice) to better plan and time cycles of IVF. Furthermore, since the BCP also suppressed LH, it is often especially advantageous in older women, in women with diminished ovarian reserve and in those with PCOS (in whom high LH levels can compromise egg/embryo quality). 

Despite the perceived utility of these medications, some research suggests that perception diverges from reality. In fact, the use of oral contraceptives in IVF may not be beneficial in increasing oocyte yields or pregnancy outcomes, especially in older women with limited oocyte reserve. A recent study, Does hormonal contraception prior to in vitro fertilization (IVF) negatively affect oocyte yields? – A pilot study found that even in young women with sufficient oocyte reserve, combined oral contraceptives diminished the number of oocytes retrieved compared to women who were not given oral contraceptives. The androgenic contraceptives were most deleterious. This comes on the heals of a Cochrane Review that found that not only was there limited research on the topic, but oral contraceptives resulted in poorer pregnancy outcomes. Missing from these data are the very real risks to maternal health mediated by the cocktail of hormones used in IVF (Lupron being top among them, followed by dexamethasone) and the potential long-term consequences to the health of the children born from IVF. Despite the lack of data and the often contradictory research findings, the practice of using oral contraceptives in IVF is well entrenched.

Hormone and Other Differences Between Oral Contraceptives, Depo Provera, NuvaRing and the IUDs

From the hormonal perspective, the various forms of contraceptives differ mostly by the type of synthetic progestin used. Oral contraceptives use a variety of progestins (see here), while Depo Provera contains medroxyprogesterone, hormonal IUDs utilize levonorgestrel and NuvaRing uses etonogestral. Most of the oral contraceptives contain the synthetic estrogen, 17a-ethinylestradiol, as does NuvaRing. Depo Provera is a progestin only, injectable form of birth control while the hormonal IUDs are a slow-release progestin only contraceptives. In addition to the differences in formulation and dose, each of these methods utilizes a different different delivery mechanism. The delivery mechanism will affect how much of the drug is absorbed and bioavailable, how quickly, the duration of availability, and those variables (along with several others), then affect the risk for side effects. Videos on pharmacokinetics and pharmacodynamics can be viewed here (dynamics video follows).

How Do Oral Contraceptives Affect Mitochondrial Morphology and Replication?

While there is a noticeable lack of data in this area, there are clear indicators that ethinylestradiol induces both structural and functional damage to mitochondria in the liver and the kidney, at least in rodents. Liver biopsies of women using oral contraceptives have also demonstrated structural changes in mitochondria. I would suspect similar changes in mitochondria throughout the body.

Indirectly, we know that reduced endogenous estradiol concentrations (herehere, here) damage mitochondria and that women who use oral contraceptives have lower endogenous estradiol concentrations. We also know that oral contraceptives deplete vital nutrients that are critical for mitochondrial functioning. And we know that the metabolism of 17a ethinylestradiol, the estrogen used in hormonal contraceptives, oral and otherwise, does not follow the same path as endogenous estradiol, and thus, likely damages mitochondria. (Ethinyl estradiol metabolism produces what are called catechol estrogens. Catechol estrogens are both directly (DNA adducts) and indirectly (mitochondrial reactive oxygen species – ROS- evoked as a byproduct of the metabolism) implicated in animal models of cancer.) Complicating matters, however, endogenous estradiol depending upon the concentrations, can have both pro – and anti-oxidant properties and impact mitochondrial functioning both positively and negatively. Nevertheless, I would argue that the synthetics derail the balance of endogenous hormones and because of their very real structural and functional differences, evoke a number of processes that are not only distinct from those of the endogenous estrane hormones but are likely damaging in ways we have not yet begun to understand.

Presentation

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Is it Endometriosis?

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I probably have endometriosis, but there’s only one real way to be sure: a laparoscopy. In a few weeks, I will undergo this minor surgical procedure and finally get a diagnosis for the disease I most likely have.

The symptoms started in late November: a strong gnawing pain in my lower right abdomen that worsened over a week. I could stand up, but not walk normally. When I went to my primary care doctor, he sent me to the ER. There, they performed a CT scan and a trans-vaginal ultrasound. All they found was excess fluid. “It’s a ruptured ovarian cyst,” the ER doc said. “It’s very common in women in their mid- to late twenties. Just rest for three days, take some NSAIDs, and see your gynecologist.”

My gyno did a pelvic exam and found that I was tender and sore over my right ovary and in terrible pain when he pressed on my left ovary. Not only that, but the ligaments near the back of my uterus were tender too. He asked me a very long list of questions that I was surprised to hear. “Have your periods been getting more painful? Has intercourse become more painful? What has your menstrual health looked like over the past six months? Has anyone in your family been diagnosed with endometriosis?”

I answered that my periods had recently become irregular and more painful, but nothing too unusual. I thought that intercourse had been normal, but my partner chipped in: “No, actually, there have been times when intercourse has been very painful for you.” I had simply dismissed it as I’d read that hormonal fluctuations are normal as you near 30, and that your periods generally become heavier and sometimes more painful. My gyno told me that this is called “normalizing behavior”: because something out of the ordinary doesn’t strike us as a medical problem, we simply dismiss it and forget it even happened, much less associate it with illness. Also, members of my family did have endometriosis.

He told me I’d have to have a CT scan done to check for ovarian cysts, and that we had to rule out polycystic ovarian syndrome and pelvic inflammatory disease, but it was likely I’d developed endometriosis later than usual. He prescribed a course of progestin to reduce the swelling of the scar tissue and adhesions and then told me to start extended-cycle birth control (where you only menstruate every three months).

I was hoping to have a quick diagnosis and be back to normal in a few weeks, but it turned out to be anything but short and simple to find a diagnosis and a treatment plan.

Progestin was very hard on me physically and emotionally. I vomited constantly, even waking up in the middle of the night to do so. I grew a stringy white beard and a brown mustache (these fell out when I stopped the medication). I found myself sobbing at cat food commercials and songs I previously enjoyed. I started feeling very cold and very warm at random intervals, and thought that my partner was messing with the thermostat. These, apparently, are the joys of hot flashes. I got vertigo and found myself stumbling dizzily to the kitchen or bathroom. With each dose, I became more emotionally weird. It was a short course of hormone replacement therapy, and it did in fact reduce the pelvic pain, but I’m terrified to ever experience that kind of emotional instability again.

I started the extended-course birth control and felt better each day that progestin left my system. There were new symptoms, though, and they continued to worsen over the next three months. I felt a strange tugging sensation in the front of my pelvis when I would bend over. It’s hard to describe, but it reached a point where I couldn’t bend over to take out the trash or put on shoes. It became horrifyingly painful to use the restroom in any way. My abdomen swelled, not too much, but enough that sweatpants and pajamas were my only option for pants. I was horribly constipated, probably because going to the bathroom hurt so much that I’d stopped eating normally.

Within two weeks, I couldn’t stand or walk without assistance. Everything between my ribs and upper thighs was a mass of cramping pain. I was hoping that the birth control would reduce what was possibly endometrial tissue enough that I could walk, but one night I was in so much intense pain, now on the left side, that I begged my partner to take me to the hospital. “Something feels like it’s going to burst,” I said. I had a fever and diarrhea and a stabbing pain on the left side. The CT came back perfectly normal. The ER doc said, “There’s nothing seriously wrong with you. You probably just have a bit of stomach flu, but see a gastroenterologist just in case.”

All in all, I’ve had two CT scans without contrast, two CT scans with contrast, five rounds of blood tests, one stool sample, two trans-vaginal ultrasounds, two ER visits, six specialist visits, and a colonoscopy. The specialists ruled out polycystic ovarian syndrome, liver or gallbladder problems, diverticulitis, chronic appendicitis, cancer, and mononucleosis. Everything came back normal except for the colonoscopy, and I’m currently waiting for the diagnostic laparoscopy.

I’ve been very lucky to have specialists that took my complaints very seriously. After three months with every test returning normal, I was starting to feel like it might all be in my head. All the tests come back normal, but I’m in horrible pain! I can’t even stand up by myself anymore! There has to be something in there, why can’t they find it? What if they think I’m just seeking painkillers? They have to know that I’m not making it up! And, most of all: Why is this taking so long? I’ve been sick for three months, and I seem to be getting worse. I can’t take another day of this pain.

My gastroenterologist thought I might have diverticulitis and put me on antibiotics and a liquid diet. He scheduled a CT with contrast. The scan came back normal, but the liquid diet really did help with the bowel pain. He then wanted to rule out chronic appendicitis and put me on a very strict diet with regular use of laxatives and scheduled a colonoscopy. At that point, I had a very swollen abdomen, would cry when anyone pressed upon it, had mucus in my stool, and had strong cramps throughout my abdomen and pelvis when I was full. I was starting to lose control over my bowel movements. I still couldn’t walk or stand on my own.

They did an exam moments before the colonoscopy and told me I might need my appendix removed or a colon resection. There was a chance I would wake up in a hospital, but not to worry. They had done this procedure many times, and I was in good hands. I went under the anesthesia utterly terrified.

When I woke up, they told me they had found a large growth in my colon. They had sent a tissue sample out for a biopsy which would return in around three weeks, but not to worry. My appendix was fine. I had no infection or abscesses. Just take it easy and drink a lot of fluids.

Two weeks later, the biopsy returned. The colon growth was completely benign, and they had cauterized its blood supply during the colonoscopy. It would wither and pass all on its own. My gastroenterologist said it might grow back, but not to worry. He’s fairly convinced, although we have to wait for the laparoscopy, that the growth is the result of endometrial implants and scar tissue putting pressure on my colon. He’s fairly sure that the laparoscopy will show that I have advanced endometriosis, and the implants and scar tissue have spread very far up my abdominal cavity, causing irritable bowel disease and the colon growth. He told me to follow a special diet, take laxatives as prescribed, drink plenty of fluids and above all, to calm down. Breathe. Relax. Know that I have good doctors and I will be OK.

I’ve discovered a few things along this bumpy diagnostic road. I’m allergic to all painkillers, so other pain solutions and stress management are vital. Warm baths, walking even though it hurts, and eating a vegan diet with lots of water and laxatives as prescribed are very important. I’ve been encouraged by my doctor to apply for medical marijuana use, but that’s a whole other story.

Stress reduction is the most important factor in my life right now. The pain and uncertainty of being diagnosed with this disease are very hard to experience, and also hard on  family, friends, and romantic partners. Find music you think is soothing. Make sure you have some time in a park or near plant or animal life. Try meditation or yogic breathing if that’s something you’d like to do. Surround yourself with books and TV that make you laugh. If anyone treats you badly, blames you for the disease or pulls away, that’s their choice, and it doesn’t mean it’s your fault. Some people react poorly when confronted with illness, and that’s their problem, not yours.

It is so important to research your doctors and specialists before you make appointments. Make sure they have no citations for malpractice and that they’re certified to do the surgical procedures you need. If your primary care doctor or specialist minimizes or dismisses your symptoms, or simply tells you they don’t know what to do with you, find another doctor immediately. Keep a journal of your symptoms. They might change on a dime! There are many applications out there besides pen and paper to track your reproductive health and endometriosis symptoms.

I have lost nearly 30 pounds, but I can walk again now that the colon growth is gone. Sometimes I can drive, which is fantastic after four months of being stuck in bed. As long as I follow the vegan diet my gastroenterologist put me on and take laxatives as prescribed, my digestive health is more or less back to normal. The extended-cycle birth control has made my life a lot easier as well.

There are days when I can go grocery shopping, drive myself around, eat three good meals, and go for long walks. There are other days when I need to stop what I’m doing and rest because of pelvic pain. There have been a few days when I’ve vomited frequently and couldn’t sit or stand at all due to pain, and it’s back to bed for me.

I have so many questions now, but it’s a great relief to see the end in sight. After the laparoscopy, we will know for certain if I do have endometriosis. It runs in my family, and it seems the most likely culprit. My greatest fear is that they will find nothing, but I hope that won’t be the case.

Thoughts that keep me awake at night: What if the intense pain comes back? What if I become bedridden again? What happens when I’m 35 and have to stop the birth control? What will my sex life be like? Will my partner still find me desirable and worth the effort if I’m sick on and off until menopause? What if the bowel disease and growths come back? How will I find an employer that is understanding of this condition, of how I may have to take 2 or 3 days off every month if I’m in too much pain to stand or drive?

Those questions don’t really matter in the long run. Being anxious and scared is normal after all these changes to my body and life. Researching this disease and finding treatment options and coping mechanisms is of great importance. Building a support network of friends and people who know what I’m going through also matters. Finding doctors I trust and can work with matters. I don’t expect anyone else with this disease to say, “That’s exactly what happened to me!” Endometriosis affects every woman differently. Symptoms can differ wildly from person to person. Accepting my body, no matter how much pain it’s put me through, is also important. I’m still worthy of love and friendship, and my goals are still possible, I just have to shift my perspective a bit.