sex

Hormone Treatment During Pregnancy and Gender Variance in Later Life

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For as long as I can remember, I’ve always had an unusual partially feminine gender identity, but until recently I never consciously acknowledged it. Then, a couple of years ago I realised that, although at a conscious level I identify as male, my body language, my pattern of arousal and orgasm, and my instinctive social behaviour are all very much more like what you’d typically see in a woman rather than a man. In addition, I appear to be suffering from secondary hypogonadism (i.e. my brain regions that control hormones aren’t working correctly), and I have a “eunuchoid” body structure, which indicates that my testosterone production has been below normal all my life.

Is Being Transgendered Just One of Those Things?

Although it never became my career, as a student I excelled at both chemistry and biology, and I’ve retained an amateur interest in the sciences ever since. Most people seem to assume that being transgendered is “just one of those things”, but I resolved to use that background in science to try and figure out whether there was an actual physical explanation for it. Accordingly, I tried to discover as much as I could about sexual development in the unborn child, and the kinds of things that can go wrong with that process.

Sexual Blueprints

Our sex-determining chromosome, the Y chromosome, is far smaller than any of our other chromosome and only has a few dozen functional genes on it. Basically all the Y chromosome does is to tell your undifferentiated gonads to turn into testicles (without it they’ll turn into ovaries instead). All of the genetic blueprints for actually building a male or female body are located elsewhere in your genome, so everyone has the full set of instructions for both sexes.

By default the “female” instructions are what get followed during fetal development, but if there’s testosterone present, the “male” instructions will be followed instead. Ordinarily this system works quite well, and you’ll develop as one sex throughout the pregnancy (which one depending on whether you have testicles churning out testosterone or not).

An Endocrine Disruptor

What appears to have happened in my case is that the pregnancy was no different from that of any other male baby, except that partway through the second trimester, something catastrophic happened that severely disrupted my endocrine system, so that for a few weeks I wasn’t producing any testosterone. Following that, my endocrine system recovered and everything went back to normal for the remainder of the pregnancy. The result is that I was built using the instructions for male development for most of the pregnancy, but during the time I wasn’t producing any testosterone, the instructions for female development were followed instead. That seems to have happened after all my physical development had completed, but very early in the process of wiring up my brain’s permanent structure (all the things that are affected seem to be associated with evolutionarily ancient parts of the brain, which points to the period of female development having happened early on in the process of wiring up my brain).

Based on when genital development takes place and when the process of building the permanent structure of the brain begins, I was able to work out that whatever it was must have happened somewhere around 16 or 17 weeks after conception, at or very soon after the time my mother would have first felt me moving inside her. Knowing what she was like when I was younger, my immediate thought was that she must have had a depressive episode, decided that she couldn’t cope with another child so soon after the first, and taken an overdose of something in an attempt to bring on a miscarriage.

A DIY Abortion That Didn’t Take

A bit of snooping on maternity forums soon revealed that the first thing most unhappily pregnant women contemplating a DIY abortion seem to think of is an overdose of contraceptive pills. I was able to subsequently confirm that my parents were using birth control pills for contraception at the time – the high dosage first generation ones. There was also something otherwise completely inexplicable that happened later in my childhood, which makes me think she must have been hiding a guilty secret along those lines.

My mother passed away in 2010, and in a way I’m glad that happened before I discovered any of this, because I would have been angry with her and she didn’t deserve that. She did her best to be a good mother to me and to all her other children, and I don’t hold her responsible in any way for what happened. I can’t blame my father either. He lost 3 brothers during his childhood and then his first wife died on their honeymoon, so I can understand why he became so obsessed with the idea of having a large family.

Brain Sexual Identity and DES

One further thing that made me think an exposure to artificial female hormones is the cause of my conditions was reading in the book “Brain Sex” about a pattern of behaviour commonly shown by teenage boys whose mothers were given treatment with a drug called diethylstilbestrol or DES in an attempt to prevent miscarriage . The boys in the study were typically very shy, socially withdrawn, had low self esteem, were regarded as sissies, bullied, ostracised by their peers, with no ability to fight back when attacked and no interest in sport. The authors of the book described it as “feminized behaviour”, and my teenage years matched it so closely it could have come straight out of my school report!

The main hormonal component of the contraceptive pills my parents were using is norethisterone acetate, a progestin, whereas DES is an estrogen. What estrogens and progestins both have in common is that they are female hormone derivatives, and are basically completely incompatible with masculinity. Both types of hormone have the ability to disrupt testicular hormone production at quite modest doses, well below those commonly used for medical treatment for women.

DES was for many years used to chemically castrate men suffering from hormone-sensitive prostate cancer, while progestins are commonly used for chemical castration of sex offenders and transsexuals. If they also suppress testosterone in a male fetus, then any use of them during a pregnancy of a male child carries a risk of creating a baby who developed as the wrong sex for part of the pregnancy. This is what I think happened to me, and to the DES sons.

For nearly two years I’ve been trying to find out as much as I can about DES sons, reading their personal accounts of how they’ve been affected and chatting with them online. Among the ones I’ve had contact with or whose life stories I’ve read, there seems to be a very high incidence of both intersex-related genital abnormalities and gender dysphoria. As a group they seem to commonly experience many of the same problems I have (a genital abnormality, feminized behaviour as a teenager, low testosterone and problems with hormones, gender variance). The key difference is that on the whole they seem to be far more psychologically female than I am (which is exactly what you’d expect, considering that their exposure was for a much larger part of the pregnancy than mine). I think it’s quite likely that for most of them, their testosterone production was completely suppressed and they were developing as female throughout the time their mothers were on the drug!

DES and all other estrogens were withdrawn from use in pregnancy 30 years ago, however, treatments for prevention of miscarriage, based on progestins rather than estrogens, continue to be used to the present day. One of these involves a progestin called hydroxyprogesterone caproate, given as a weekly intramuscular injection of either 250mg or 500mg, starting 16 weeks into the pregnancy – just around the time I think my hormone exposure occurred. The difference is that this treatment continues to be administered for the remainder of the pregnancy. If this drug does suppress testosterone production in a male fetus, then it’s hard to imagine a treatment better suited to creating as baby with a male body but a female brain! I’m fairly sure that if you gave an adult man 250mg per week of this drug, his testosterone production would be seriously impaired. Why wouldn’t the same happen to a male fetus?

Females Affected Too

In this article, I’ve only been looking at the effects of artificial sex hormones on a male fetus, however it’s likely that, under the right circumstances, a female fetus could be affected too. This could happen if the external hormone mimics the action of testosterone (e.g.progestin induced virilization), or if it disrupts endogenous hormone production in a way that causes excessive androgens to be produced (hyperandrogenism).

Postscript: This article was published previously September 2013. 

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Falling into the Planned Parenthood Gardasil Snake Pit

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“With 80 percent of clinical trials failing to meet recruitment deadlines in the West, major drug companies are today conducting half or more of their trials outside the major markets, often in countries–like Nigeria–with poor human rights records and weak regulatory infrastructures. Pfizer’s Nigeria trial is unusually sensational and high profile, but its bending of the rules may be more the rule than the exception.” – Sonia Shah, author of The Body Hunters

“It is clear from the evidence presented in this book that the pharmaceutical industry does a biased job of disseminating evidence – to be surprised by this would be absurd – whether it is through advertising, drug reps, ghostwriting, hiding data, bribing people, or running educational programmes for doctors.” ― Ben Goldacre, Bad Pharma: How Drug Companies Mislead Doctors and Harm Patients

The entire mess of questioning one vaccination – HPV, human papilloma virus vaccine known as Gardasil produced by Merck, and, Cervarix from GlaxoSmithKline’s labs – has opened up more than a Pandora’s Box for me. A viper pit I have been dumped into. I am facing a Medusa of sorts, a monster I already battled in other arenas, but I never thought I’d be up against it as a social worker for foster youth.

For four and a half decades, I have witnessed up close the Medusa of Disaster Capitalism and the Unfettered Military Industrial Complex as a reporter in the Southwest USA and throughout Mexico and Central America.

Today, that mythical Medusa’s many snakes as hair strands is most troublesome: I call it the Military-Surveillance-Fossil Fuel-Penal-Medicine-Financial-Education-Media-Pharma-Digital Industrial Complex. It’s turned into an all-encompassing monster.

That reality is a given for many of us who question authority, who see a world better served as non-hierarchical, non-patriarchal and earth/ecosystems/cultures focused. The reader can go to the Universal Declaration of Human Rights  or something like the Earth Charter and get a sense of how millions of us have not only a yearning for something more just than the current global financial Medusa running things, but we’ve worked for that social-earth-economic justice hard and long.

Fear of Advocating for Clients

One of the rights we hold as self-evident, supposedly held as a God-given American tenet, is the unrestricted ability for any person to find work to both help the person survive in this pay-as-we-go society and to, in some cases, help a person achieve some sort of self-worth and dignity.

The careers I have had include college instructor/faculty, newspaper journalist, community organizer and social worker. My work in the past seven years includes working with adults with severe developmental disabilities; with adults in a memory care facility as their educator and outings lead. I’ve worked to help adults in a sheltered workshop find competitive employment; I have worked with clients deemed homeless/addicts/felons to gain skills, services and employment on their road to recovery-reentry-resuscitating.

I was working a pretty cool job most recently as a social worker/case manager for an independent living program, a suite of services set up nationally for foster youth, 16 to 21 years of age, mainly to get them to finish high school and go onto college or trade school. My gifts as teacher, outdoor educator, world traveler, communicator, and creative soul aided me in making deep and profound connections to youth who have seen the underbelly of life and face many challenges tied to the disconnected nature of living sometimes in dozens of foster care homes. Exposure to drug use, pornography, drug dealing, violence, sexual assault and criminal acts are just some of the histories of these youth.

I worked hands on with youth one-on-one and in groups. I got to take them on outings like surfing in the Pacific and a four-day conference at a private university. I had some level of independence and developed great relationships with other professionals in state, county, city public sector jobs and with foster parents and the youth. The job also afforded me decent training in all sorts of areas, including trauma-informed care and motivational interviewing.

Sex Ed and Me

I came face-to-face, though, with the inner workings of Planned Parenthood, as in my first intersection with PP while training to be a facilitator for one five-hour curriculum attempting to get youth to understand the high risks associated with alcohol use and unprotected sex.

The specific training I had taken as part of my job description was focused on case managers becoming trainers, titled Sexual Health and Adolescent Risk Prevention (SHARP). My former employers, Lifeworks Northwest, a 46-year-old non-profit, receives thousands of dollars from Planned Parenthood each year to allow PP to utilize our caseloads, youth, 16 to 21, characterized as high risk for homelessness, dropping out of school, substance abuse, pregnancy and contracting an STI, sexually transmitted infection:

“The goal of the Healthy Youth Collaborative is to reach youth by bringing evidence-based teen pregnancy prevention programs to scale. To achieve this goal, Planned Parenthood implements Healthy Youth Collaborative programming within each community, in four different settings including schools (middle and high school), health centers, community-based organizations, and juvenile justice facilities. A curriculum has been chosen so that there is an appropriate evidence-based program for each of these settings.”

I’m all for protecting youth and having myriad of ways to incite responsibility through education and modeling. What I found from the training was a bizarrely out-of-touch with current youth culture Planned Parenthood. I found the insistence to follow their curriculum word for word both interfering and hobbling. I also found a lot of condescension, and what I have seen in my many years working in educational circles: both a dumb-downing and infantilizing of many important aspects of a training or course.

While I have always supported the mission to help youth not face unwanted pregnancies, to have strong information and tools tied to sexual health and sexuality, and a place to obtain services for either preventing or curing STI’s/STD’s, I have also worked on the frontlines in El Paso as a volunteer escort for anyone seeking services at that Planned Parenthood. Those Saturday episodes found me face-to-face with angry, picket-bearing extremists who wanted to harass the women we were escorting in for family planning services. I even facilitated media workshops to that same Planned Parenthood on how to handle rough and pervasive anti-Planned Parenthood characters like those in the 1980s and ‘90s making headlines not only in the El Paso Times where I also worked but Time Magazine and the NYT.

Questioning Authority

Ironic, now, that just one month ago, I was in a PP second training, this time at the Planned Parenthood of the Great Northwest, and I was summarily not only banned from finishing the two-day course, Fundamentals of Sex, but I was then put on administrative leave in Portland by my former employer and then fired ten days later. I’ve pretty much exhausted the scenario tied to that banishment and termination here at Hormones Matter and other venues in the blog sphere.

I had no ax to grind with Planned Parenthood concerning training us – case managers — on how to communicate sex ed to youth. I expected to get through 16 hours of training with flying colors and a three-hour road trip back to Portland.

That did not happen, and Planned Parenthood – four trainers and two supervisors – contacted my employer to not only ban me from the second day of training, but fraudulently stated that I was against Western medicine, was untrainable related to the subject matter, and was a disruption to the learning environment for the other 39 students.

There wasn’t even a kernel of truth to what they stated to my former employer on Oct. 15; however, during my termination meeting Oct. 26, the HR director stated that “the trainers with Planned Parenthood stated you voiced your disagreement with vaccines.” The only voicing I did was anonymously, on paper, about Gardasil. Not vaccines in general.

The relationship between non-profits working with vulnerable youth, including homeless youngsters, and Planned Parenthood is more than just cooperative or symbiotic. My case exposes the fact Planned Parenthood’s falsehoods concerning my participation at a training led directly to my termination.

While I am currently receiving unemployment benefits after the Oregon State adjudicator contacted both my former employer and myself, and here are the findings below, I am really vulnerable on the job market because of the short duration as a case manager (six months) with Lifeworks Northwest when I was really committed for years on this job. The first thing coming to mind for prospective employers is “why such a short tenure with your previous employer?”

You ARE allowed benefits on this claim . . . .

Findings: You were employed by Lifeworks NW until Oct. 26, 2017 when you were fired because you received too many complaints about being unprofessional, confrontational and argumentative. This was not a willful or wantonly negligent disregard of the employer’s interest because there was no policy or rule violation. You deny the accusations of being a disruption to a training that occurred on October 16, 2017. Employer failed to respond to additional attempts to retrieve information.

Legal Conclusion: You were fired but not for misconduct connected with work.

They Say Follow the Money – How about Follow the Compassion!

Writing these articles does bring things into perspective, but anyone with a decent amount of psychological grounding will note that this journalistic process also opens up repeatedly the ludicrousness and trauma tied to what happened to me – wrongful termination without any due process.

I’ve used up my three “free” psychologist visits through the company’s EAP, employee assistance program. I’ve also reached out to a national legal firm on the viability of pursuing a case against Lifeworks Northwest but specifically Planned Parenthood.

I am disenchanted with the characterizations of me as unprofessional, confrontational and argumentative, since I was one of three males at a training with 45 total people, and also, I am working in a field – social services – predominately staffed and managed by females.

Given that, though, I still am following the money:

The 2015-16 budget from Lifeworks Northwest shows some of the money trail, i.e. revenue –

SERVICES BY CLIENT — $24,280,894
PUBLIC GRANTS & CONTRACTS — $16,645,143
CONTRIBUTIONS — $830,512
OTHER REVENUE — $220,952

TOTAL –$41,977,501

The money coming from Planned Parenthood to my former employer — which is money Planned Parenthood receives in the form of federal grant money largely from the Health and Human Services adolescent division – is significant in that Lifeworks NW has dozens of programs, and the Independent Living Program is relatively small so any funding coming into that program is significant.

What’s troubling is that I broke no policy, did not act bizarrely or unprofessionally, and did not engage in argumentative or combative behavior at the Planned Parenthood training, as the Oregon Employment Department’s findings belay –

“This was not a willful or wantonly negligent disregard of the employer’s interest because there was no policy or rule violation.”

The precipitating factor for Planned Parenthood essentially informing my employer that I was not trainable and that I was incapable of imparting sound, evidence-based sex ed information to my clients, was a handwritten suggestion/inquiry solicited by the trainers (stated by them to stay anonymous) after each of the seven modules. One of my two notes was a deep skepticism about one of Planned Parenthood’s money makers – the HPV vaccine, manufactured as Gardasil by Merck. I imparted disappointment that Planned Parenthood trainers were not even aware of or concerned about the negative press around Gardasil.

I never mentioned any disregard for the sex ed training, nor did I state I would not allow my clients to pursue getting any contraceptive or vaccine.

It was clear that the training was all about Planned Parenthood’s word on everything or the highway.

I am not a big fan of any forced (or group-think) hyper rah-rah-rah of any organization, or what I am now calling the “ich liebe dich Planned Parenthood uber alles in der Welt … I love you Planned Parenthood above anything else in the world” syndrome.

Of note, in my six months working with 40 youth, I was asked more than just occasionally about the safety of IUDs, birth control pills, the transdermal patch, Depo-Provera and once, the Gardasil series of vaccines. I encouraged those youth to check out the Planned Parenthood site and to use Google to find out if there were any large forums commenting on those products so my youth would have more information to make an informed choice.

Planned Parenthood never gave me a chance to meet with the three trainers and two supervisors to discuss their concerns. And, after the banishment, my former employer never sought testimony from me concerning my beliefs about contraception and abortion, nor did they solicit comments from two fellow case managers who were at the training with me to determine my participation and commentary at the training.

If the reader looks at the $16.6 million in public grants and contracts the Lifeworks non-profit received last year, ipso facto this large Portland non-profit depends significantly on money coming from the state, county, and US taxpayer in the form of Planned Parenthood.

It’s All About Language, Narrative Framing, Intent

“What, really, is a word? In its written form, it’s a great many things. It is a symbol. A representation of individual phonics that, when assembled in such a sequence, produces a gestalt. Rearrange the letters corresponding to those sounds, and you’ve eliminated or transformed that symbol. A word is an idea. Not simply a representation of an idea, but an idea in itself. The idea that what we think can not only be thought, not only expressed verbally, but also textually, a physical marking of the presence of thought — the evidence of its spatial existence.” —  Daniel Choudhury, What’s Your Word Worth?

Before I go further, a quick glossary of terms should be inserted to help the reader see the context from which I am writing this third part of a series I could thumbnail title as “ My Run-in with Gardasil, Planned Parenthood, and a Culture of No Questions Asked – A Firing Story!”

Sacrosanct – An adjective is defined as anything (principle, place or routine) regarded as too important or valuable to be interfered with.
Antivaxxer – A derogatory term used by industry to describe individuals who question vaccine safety or efficacy; typically parents of children injured by vaccines.
Planned Parenthood – A noun defined as a nonprofit organization that does research into and gives advice on contraception, family planning, and reproductive problems.
Big Pharma – A noun defined as large pharmaceutical companies (= companies producing medical drugs), especially when these are seen as having a powerful and bad influence.
Whistleblower – A noun defined as a person who tells someone in authority about something illegal that is happening, esp. in a business or government.

Of course, I could insert the Urban Dictionary’s definitions of these items, and I certainly could link profoundly to various narratives around the mission, vision, and history of Planned Parenthood, what I would call the good, the bad and the ugly of its roots in the 1920’s with Margaret Sanger, a slew of eugenicists, and its oddly racist backers of contraception and sterilization. Sanger founded the American Birth Control League in 1921, and 21 years later changed its name to Planned Parenthood.

Note that I am now in dangerous territory for many readers – the sacrosanct right to seek contraceptive and abortion services. In some ways, I have crossed that line in the sand by criticizing that Sacred Cow in the minds of many, Planned Parenthood.

I am really just attacking the malfeasance and unethical behavior and then treatment of me as a human being in the context of a Planned Parenthood training. I didn’t even get out of the gate, so to speak, with an adult, robust, discussion about the HPV, cervical cancer, the vaccine and its risks.

Almost everything now that I written about Big Pharma-GSK-Merck-HPV Vaccine-Planned Parenthood came AFTER I was fired on the word of Planned Parenthood staff.

Like this doozy – the 2017 Lasker Awards (sort of dubbed the US Nobel Prize) was given to Planned Parenthood and the developers of the HPV vaccine September of this year:

The winners “are being honored for their work in basic and clinical medical research and in public service,” Claire Pomeroy, MD, president of the Albert and Mary Lasker Foundation, said at a teleconference today.

Douglas R. Lowy, MD, and John T. Schiller, PhD, both from the National Cancer Institute, Rockville, Maryland, won the Lasker-DeBakey Clinical Medical Research Award for a major advance that improves the lives of many thousands of people. Their research centers on the development of HPV vaccines that prevent cervical cancer and other tumors caused by HPVs.

Planned Parenthood won the Lasker-Bloomberg Public Service Award for providing vital health services and reproductive care to millions of women for more than 100 years.

The Lasker-Bloomberg Public Service Award comes with a $250,000 award for each winner. Planned Parenthood in 2012 received 45 percent of its revenues from government health services grants and reimbursements. Now that’s around 35 percent of their revenue stream. In addition, in 2012, 16 percent of revenues were tied to non-medical programs.

From 1939 to 1942 Margaret Sanger was part of the Birth Control Federation of America alongside Mary Lasker and Clarence Gamble in the Negro Project, an effort to deliver birth control to poor black people.

I know my research into Big Pharma’s duplicitous, double-dealing and dangerous schemes is not as risky as throwing down criticism of Planned Parenthood. At Hormones Matter, maybe the idea of questioning Gardasil and Cervarix or even the birth control pill, especially by a white male, also is not dangerous territory.

The reality of how suspect, dangerous and medically unnecessary the HPV vaccine is also puts me into a league of its own vis-à-vis the antivaxxer campaigners, a title I have never adopted or will adopt. I never expected this pebble into the pond – my superficial questioning a vaccine – to turn into a tsunami-like rippling effect in my life.

Vaccines, Science, Anti-Science, Marketing, Propaganda, Resistance to Business as Usual a la Big Pharma

Interestingly, during my research, I came across a story out this February about a meteorologist who questioned the safety of vaccine schedules and chemical ingredients being fired, and hit with the Scarlet Letter, A, as an Antivaxxer.

Did WGBH News hire a science reporter who doesn’t believe in science?

That’s the question being asked by some employees of the PBS affiliate after learning that Mish Michaels, a former meteorologist at WBZ-TV who has been outspoken in her controversial belief that vaccines cause autism, had been hired as the station’s new science reporter.

Among those who wondered whether Michaels was right for the job was Jim Braude, host of WGBH News’s “Greater Boston,” for which Michaels was supposed to report stories. We’re told that Braude this week raised his concerns with station bosses, including WGBH News GM Phil Redo and “Greater Boston” executive producer Bob Dumas, and they have since changed their minds.

“The decision was made that [Michaels] is not a good fit for ‘Greater Boston’ and she won’t be working there, Braude stated.

Most of the 240 comments on the Boston Globe website that carried the news were stinging like this one:

cra-cra-in-sherborn: 02/08/17
Vaccines work because of herd immunity. Everything has risks and benefits and with vaccines the benefit outweighs the risk. What gets me is the antivaxxies lost in the world of narcissistic oblivion who decide they don’t want to take the small risk of vaccinating their kids and mooch off the herd immunity that everyone else created by vaccinating their own kids. If everyone opted out we would all have measles mumps and small pox.

Vaccines should be required for school entry no exceptions. Or home school your kids.

or this one:

mauthedog: 02/09/17
Through work over the last thirty years I’ve made friends across the United States. A few are anti-vaxxers. They constantly share anti-vaxxer posts on Facebook. Over the last couple of years I’ve noted how they have started attacking the “herd” theory and even attacking flu shots.

Most of them are quite religious. Several are right-wing evangelical Christians. They are generally anti-science.

During a FB discussion, one wrote to me how I “chose Science over God.” I didn’t realize there was a choice.

You can’t reason with them. Facts don’t matter. They’ve told me—-Tests can be faked. The CDC is a profit center. It’s about money, not safety. The government is helping big pharma. The government is covering it up.

And so on.

I fear under the current administration, this quackery will grow worse.

Using one giant latex brush, then, by questioning the safety of Gardasil at a Planned Parenthood training, I am now being painted with that same broad stroke into the same corner as the anti-evolution, anti-science “quacks or loonies” or whatever pejorative is the flavor of the digital hour.

Talk of the herd effect is now parlayed into the “rule of the mob,” as everyone, including mainstream and progressive media, attack anyone who dares question Gardasil or the MMR — all the scientists and researchers making a connection with vaccinations like HPV to physical (and brain specific) injuries are vilified. Or the fact that Merck has paid out millions of dollars (and we don’t have all the dollars tied to really how much Merck is shelling out because of courts awarding damages are tied to non-disclosure provisos) gets swept under the rug as “nuisance lawsuits”?

Yet, the story of HPV vaccine and injuries and deaths keeps coming around: Japan pulls Gardasil off the shelves three years ago. A lawsuit, class action, followed this move:

Lawyer Masumi Minaguchi, a representative from the planned lawsuit’s defense team, told a news conference in Tokyo the victims will file the suit sometime after June against the central government, GlaxoSmithKlien PLC, the maker of Cervarix, and Merck Sharp & Dohme Corp., the maker of Gardsil, at four district courts in Tokyo, Nagoya, Osaka and Fukuoka.

“The victims wish to live a peaceful life and prevent further suffering by finding out the truth (about the vaccine side effects),” Minaguchi added.

She said the defense team will seek additional plaintiffs to join the lawsuit by holding seminars in April and May. Currently, 12 plaintiffs are taking part in the suit, according to Minaguchi.

Saitama Prefecture resident Nanami Sakai, who plans to be one of the plaintiffs, was one of four to attend the news conference. The 21-year-old, who was given Cervarix twice in 2011, said she did not receive information about the pros and cons of the vaccine before receiving the injections.

“I’d like to know why I was left scarred by the vaccine, why I was not able to receive proper treatment right away and why my situation was not adequately conveyed to the state,” Sakai said.

Sitting in a wheelchair, Sakai said she has numbness in the right side of her body, back and around her chest.

And what about in Colombia, and the injured, dead and lawsuits there tied to HPV vaccine?

Lloyd Phillips, an American researcher of infectious diseases and genetics, has studied the adverse effects of Gardasil for five years. His work has revealed how Gardasil works differently in different people. He has documented related and biologically plausible mechanisms of action which could cause the many serious and life-threatening side effects which are being reported by girls and young women around the world after receiving the HPV vaccine.

In Colombia we have a potential crisis of major proportions resulting from the use of Gardasil because it is “free and compulsory” by “Law of the Republic”. It is assumed that this HPV vaccine is effective when used to combat cervical cancer, which can be caused by human papilloma virus. However, this vaccine has been hotly debated internationally for allegedly being dangerous and ineffective. It is currently being administered in Colombia without obtaining informed consent from young girls and their parents as to the potential and unknown risks of use.

Is the Ending Full-Circle Back to Bad Pharma and Big Non-profits?

So where does the next installment — part four — go now after not getting to the two big definitions left in my glossary – Big Pharma and Whistleblower? There are literally thousands of documents out there from researchers and scientists and whistleblowers on just what is happening to the human population tied to the vaccine for HPV, let alone those other mandatory childhood vaccinations we are supposed to get for our children before they turn three.

Listening to hours of radio shows on the blog-sphere, and viewing hours of interviews and documentaries on the internet and Netflix, I may sound jaded or exhausted, but alas, I am not. The only way through this is to keep up some hope that change is possible, whether as a climate-environment activist or social worker. Writing is just one rung in the ladder helping me and I hope you, kind reader, get above the miasma and smoke and mirrors our Western For-Profit Medical Industrial Complex has deployed with their endless billions for lobbying and marketing and subterfuge and obfuscation.

Keep reading until Part Four comes out.

“No one should approach the temple of science with the soul of a money changer.” —  Thomas Browne

“Big Pharma needs sick people to prosper. Patients, not healthy people, are their customers. If everybody was cured of a particular illness or disease, pharmaceutical companies would lose 100% of their profits on the products they sell for that ailment. What all this means is because modern medicine is so heavily intertwined with the financial profits culture, it’s a sickness industry more than it is a health industry.” ― James MorcanThe Orphan Conspiracies: 29 Conspiracy Theories from The Orphan Trilogy

HPV Vaccine Debate — Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell 
Gardasil Scandal Brewing in Colombia 
Four Year Analysis of Adverse Reactions to Gardasil 
Gardasil Syndrome 
Clinical Trials 
In The Know w/ Lloyd W. Phillips (he starts talking at 10:53 into the interview)
Vaccines/Gardasil 

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Cipro Ain’t Sexy: Fluoroquinolones Tanked My Sex Drive

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From a relatively young age, I always had a strong sex drive. Even in elementary school I found myself very attracted to various girls and even female teachers at times. After losing my virginity in high school, sex became one of the most important things in my life. I absolutely loved it, and couldn’t imagine life without it. If someone offered me a million dollars, and all I had to do was to not have sex for a year, I would have told them to take a hike without a second thought. (I think if this hypothetical time period was lowered to a couple months, I would have considered it. Likely it would have had to be less than that for me to be confident I could hold out!)

I eventually did marry in my mid-twenties. My wife was just 19 and had a healthy sex drive, too. We experimented and eventually ended up getting into swinging after we’d been married around ten years. Some people have their relationships ruined from swinging, but many, many do not. Although there were occasional minor jealousy issues, we were successful in the lifestyle. I loved it because my sex drive was so high that I almost always wanted to have sex multiple times per night, but my wife was usually satiated after one big-O. Having other partners around for me was a good thing. I would usually be ready for a second round within minutes of a first round… sometimes less! On average, I had an orgasm at least 6 or 7 times a week.

After we’d been swinging a few years, I took Cipro. I took it a few more times over the next couple years. Looking back I realized I had some minor symptoms before the straw that broke the camel’s back. The third time I took it, I had a severe reaction that affected many systems in my body, but mostly my tendons and nerves. Of course, sex took a back seat for the next few months. About five months or so after my reaction, I was still in extremely bad shape (in fact I still am today, about five years later), but I suddenly realized I hadn’t had sex in months. My wife and I tried. I was able to perform despite the pain and did find it enjoyable. I thought this might “jump start” my sex drive and sex life again, but it didn’t. It was just obvious I didn’t have the drive I had just six months earlier.

I told my doctor this and he ran a testosterone test on me. My levels were under 200 (250 is considered the low end of normal). Now I don’t think I ever had this level tested before, but I’m pretty sure it was at or close to 1,000 (the high end of normal) based upon my sexual history. He offered me some testosterone supplements. I tried this for a little while and it did help somewhat. Slowly, my sex drive recovered a bit.

Now, some five years post Cipro, I like to have an orgasm about 3 or 4 times a week, and there’s no way I can perform twice in a row. My swinging days are over. I used to work out often and was proud of my body. Now my muscles have wasted away and I have noticeable nerve damage. I don’t feel desirable, and my own desire for sex is probably only about 20% of what it once was.

Although my desire for sex has diminished, I still miss sex a lot. I miss wanting it more. I miss my old friends from the swinging societies and having group sex. I still have a good sex life with my wonderful wife, which is more than many more unfortunate floxies have, but sometimes I’m still bitter about what I’ve had to give up.

Participate in Research

Hormones Matter is conducting research on the side effects and adverse events associated with the fluoroquinolone antibiotics, Cipro, Levaquin, Avelox and others: The Fluoroquinolone Antibiotics Side Effects Study. The study is anonymous, takes 20-30 minutes to complete and is open to anyone who has used a fluoroquinolone antibiotic. Please complete the study and help us understand the scope of fluoroquinolone reactions. To share your fluoroquinolone injury story, send us a note from this link: Write for Us.

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This post was published originally on Hormones Matter in April 2014. 

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Hysterectomy Experiences: Loss of Sexuality and Emotional Emptiness

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Gynecologic surgeries, particularly hysterectomy (uterus removal), oophorectomy (ovary removal) and C-section, are the top overused procedures in the U.S. Only a small percentage of hysterectomies and oophorectomies are considered necessary since gynecologic cancers are rare. According to this JAMA Surgery article on 2007 inpatient procedures, “Two operations on the female genital system, hysterectomy and oophorectomy, accounted for a total of 930,000 procedures (89.3% and 84.6%, respectively, were elective).” These figures do not include the roughly 300,000 outpatient hysterectomies and oophorectomies done in 2007. This graph (graph B) of indications for hysterectomy is a good visual of how few are done for cancer (~50,000). However, it is misleading in that it appears that hysterectomies have steadily declined since it only includes inpatient procedures. Outpatient hysterectomies have steadily increased since about 2002 and reached 40% of these surgeries in 2012, the last year for which I could find data.  The 89.3% “elective” rate would indicate that these surgeries are “restorative” or at least harmless, but medical literature and women’s experiences prove otherwise.

A few years ago, I began writing for Hormones Matter about the consequences of hysterectomy and oophorectomy. Year after year, these posts generate tens of thousands of views and hundreds of comments. The comments inevitably follow the same pattern of unwarranted removal of organ(s) without informed consent and ensuing declining health. We are publishing a series of articles highlighting women’s comments. This is the fourth of the series. The first article is about lack of informed consent and can be found here. The second one talks about how our “exterior” settles / collapses after the uterus is removed. The third addresses organ dysfunction.

Although gynecologists typically dismiss women’s concerns about loss of sexuality after hysterectomy, women’s experiences show that it is a common after effect. Many women also report that they no longer feel connected to others and have lost interest in most activities.

The non-profit HERS Foundation did a survey of 1,000 hysterectomized women. These sexual and emotional disconnect / emptiness after effects were reported by a high percentage of women regardless of whether or not their ovaries were removed. Here is a list of those that were reported by more than half of survey respondents:

  • personality change:  79%
  • diminished or absent sexual desire: 75%
  • difficulty relating to and interacting with others: 69%
  • difficulty socializing: 68%
  • diminished or absent pleasure with intercourse: 66%
  • diminished or absent sexuality: 66%
  • diminished frequency of intercourse: 65%
  • diminished or absent sensuality: 63%
  • diminished or absent pleasure with foreplay: 62%
  • loss of affect: 61%
  • diminished or absent orgasm: 60%
  • diminished or absent vaginal lubrication: 59%
  • diminished or absent sensation in vagina: 54%

The complete list broken out by hysterectomy only, hysterectomy with one ovary removed, and hysterectomy with both ovaries removed can be found here.

Below are comments from some of my articles that are evidence of these after effects.

Chris writes:

“They dole out Viagra so men can sustain their erections but perform hysterectomies that destroy women’s sexuality so who are they using the Viagra with?”

Julia says:

“I personally feel a hell of a lot doesn’t get covered,  e.g. scarring, nerve damage,increased chance of prolapse, changes to your sexuality and ability to orgasm as previously use too,hormonal imbalances, weight gain, depression, potential for dehiscence of vaginal cuff (uncommon but does occur) and so on it goes.”

Katrina:

“I can ditto many of the comments made. I had a hysterectomy 3 years ago and it has literally ruined my life! I have no desire for sex when, before the surgery, I loved it and was very active with my husband. Now I have no desire and intercourse is extremely painful so we have virtually no sex life and it is ruining our relationship. It has also changed my appearance and not for the good…. I’m desperate.”

Erin:

“…my boyfriend of 12 years as of Sept 2016 attempted to have intercourse two separate times in which it was painful for myself which was an obvious turn off to him and unsatisfying to him because it felt like he was hitting a hard, scarred, shortened vagina which was a complete turn off for him.… miss terribly the amazing sex life we once had. We have not been intimate for 4 years now. Have no idea if he is faithful to me sexually. I am depressed and miserable knowing what our relationship once was…. thoroughly depressed and feeling anxious and alone… very little self esteem and I feel my whole body and look is different.”

Carla:

“I have the same difficulties and I have not found any solution for me but I now am becoming much better at satisfying my husband with other sexual acts, oral, and anal. While I get very little out of it, he has accepted that we cannot do the things we used to.”

Rhonda:

“I had a hysterectomy at the age of 19. They left one of the ovaries but it no longer works. I’m 46 now and struggle with having the desire to have a healthy marriage with my husband.”

Wendy:

“I had a subtotal hysterectomy thirteen years ago when I was 33. It was 6 weeks after my daughters birth…. I have the most wonderful husband and he has stuck by me. I love him so much but it has changed our relationship…. I am not really interested in intercourse and get about 10% of the feeling I used to. It takes forever to orgasm and emotionally this is hard to accept.”

Wendy:

“I realise that this experience has altered the person that I am. I get panic attacks if I feel out of control- fortunately not often but it is always there. I am also mega determined at times…. My pre baby need to go up the career ladder has gone and I would be happy I the same job to the end of my career now. In so many ways I have changed but whether this is down to my hysterectomy experiences I don’t know.”

Elizabeth:

“I now have experienced a loss in my sex drive and my orgasms are smaller and less often.”

Chris:

“I am 64 and had a full hysterectomy one year ago…. I have suffered through all the problems as everyone else listed here. My husband and I had and unbelievable sex life, I had loads of energy and strength and was able to joke about being “37”. I now feel like and old woman. I want to sleep more then move, I have little strength and our sex life is now that of senior citizens due to my loss of sensation. Before I was multi-orgasmic, now I can barely have one, my clitoris suffers from erectile dysfunction….”

SG:

“I had a hysterectomy 4 years ago.. as part of prolapse surgery..,the gyno desided it was necessary…. My waxing sex drive plummeted and no more big Os for me..now it is a ripple compared to a tsunami. I am now on estrogen patches which do not seem to increase anything.”

Jacqueline:

“I had the same disgusting lied to procedure done to me two years ago. Since then my life has been hell. A living hell. Why do doctors castrate woman? Why? It makes no sense at all. Why do they cut out our sex organs? Why? Why do they disable us?”

Ashley:

“I had a full hysterectomy almost exactly a year ago…. I am struggling a lot with the changes in my body. I never get wet enough or stay wet. The tissue on my vulva is very thin and almost always tears with sex. I can still have an orgasm but it takes much longer. My vaginal ones aren’t as strong and it is almost impossible to have a clitoral orgasm now. My clitoris is tiny. I mean really tiny. I don’t really even think about sex anymore. There is rarely desire or arousal at things that once made me go nuts. I feel broken.”

GPLD:

“After surgery I feel exactly what you described about sex.”

Nora:

“I had a TAH in December. The surgery shortened my vaginal canal by 3 inches. After 27 years of marriage I am unable to have sex. I feel castrated. Can this be reversed? Why are doctors doing this to women? I do not have cancer…. I never knew this could happen. I’ve been using dilators but it’s not helping. I’m feeling hopeless.”

Pat:

“I had total hysterectomy 7 years ago due to fibroids . I still regret having it. I have no libido and sex enjoyment and orgasm is like 30 percent compared to the 100 percent pre TAH. I feel duped because the doctors never mentioned the sex disadvantage…. I wish someone had told me.”

Yolanda:

“I have loss some of my sex drive, but i can still have an orgasm. I have also lost some sensation in my nipples, but not completely.”

Helen:

“Had robotic, total hysterectomy in December. Immediate menopause. No fun. Shortened vagina. No fun. Physical changes to body. No fun.”

BeBe:

“My hysterectomy was necessary due to Essure permanent birth control. One migrated to my uterus and I was sick from that poison in my body that the FDA approved. I’m 11 months post op. Tummy still tender. Hurt the day after sex in the cuff area. And miss the good orgasms. I’m furious at all of this. I’m fatigued. Have migraines and have become very anti-social.”

Sandra:

“Three years ago I had a hysterectomy. They removed one of my ovaries tube and uterus. Since my surgery I have had nothing but negative effects on my life. I no longer want to have sex with my husband. Before I had a great sex life!!”

NJ:

“I am two years post total…. I am heart broken and wish I could turn back the clock… I miss my sexuality so much and I am battling with the sense of disconnect that some have described. I am able to achieve a faint orgasm with a vibrator but it comes and goes so quickly and if I try to lengthen the plateau period then I get a strange painful ache in my somewhat diminished clitoris. I have, I think, scar tissue inside the entrance to my vagina which makes penetration painful to the point that I am apprehensive at the mere prospect of sex.”

S Mc:

“Cant believe what I have read – I match your situation entirely. I feel so let down by my consultant, these changes to my sexuality were never suggested to me. My story is worsened by the fact that I am trying to heal my marriage of 20 years after discovering my husbands long term affair. I feel numb, panic stricken and so very sad.”

Julia:

“I’m now 4 and a half months post hysterectomy and vaginal repairs…. Worst decision ever! A battle with vaginal dryness, burning and ph that constantly changes. Trying to find a lubricant that doesn’t irritate my now fragile tissues is a nightmare. Oestrogen cream currently burns like hell so I can’t use that atm. Oral Oestrogen help but then cause outbreaks of thrush…. My sex life has tanked, sore and lack of sex drive. Today I spent 20 minutes icing my vulva, such is the irritation but at least the swelling has gone down. I use to be an active, strong and sexually fulfilled woman and now I feel opposite.”

Julia:

“Even now it shocks me when a Doctor says you don’t need your uterus or cervix for orgasm. That’s total bs, because I have ‘shallow’ orgasms in the few times I’ve managed sex since ‘that’operation. I desperately miss the old me.”

Karen:

“My heart has literally been breaking as I’ve read these posts and understand how many other women feel the way I do. I had a total hysterectomy five years ago…. He did everything to scare me into having the operation and quickly…. now when things should be perfect I feel like my very soul has been removed. I was such a sexual creature before they took away all my sexual organs and now my very lifeblood has been taken away. As many have already mentioned on this site, the sexual energy, which was a huge part of my being, simply doesn’t exist anymore and when I do feel sexually excited, not only is it a different feeling to before but it’s almost impossible to have an orgasm and it’s not worth the effort to reach a climax as the orgasms are just so insignificant when they do happen. I used to experience the most intense orgasms and even at age fifty one, when I had my operation, I still had the most amazing pleasure from sex so I feel so desolate at the loss of those intense, fulfilling emotions and feelings.”

Linda:

“I had a complete hysterectomy in 1998. Since then, I too have lost something that was VERY important to me as a woman. You described what I’ve gone through..to a T. When I spoke to my doctor who performed my surgery, she had no idea what I was talking about. It is like a death, and I too struggle. I feel robbed, cheated and incomplete as a woman.”

12032003:

“My heart can’t express how I feel reading this article. If I only knew what I know now. They got me, I was only 27 when I got a full hysterectomy…..crying. It was tumor and myth doctor told me the same thing,”

Lisa:

“Eventually, all of these surgeries resulted in a complete hysterectomy about 6 years ago. I have been married to my husband for a year now. Thankfully we were friends for years before we married but I still feel sorry him. He has a healthy sex drive and is very loving toward me. I have absolutely no sex drive and I am completely turned off by the thought of sex, I am attracted to my husband and he takes it so personally when I turn him down, I guess I need to get better at pretending.”

Micah:

“I am 25 I had to have a hysterectomy at 24 after I had my son on June 16,2014.. My husband,is younger then me He is 20 and of course my sex drive no longer exists at all!! We have had sex 2 times this month it is about to cause US to divorce!”

Eme:

“I had a partial hysterectomy its been 1 yr and 3 months I’ve had nothing but pain since then. I’ve noticed if I have an intense orgasm I’m in pain after for hours.”

Denett:

“Hi I am 35 and went a full hysterectomy in Jan.2015. At first it did not seen to be a problem with mys ex life but now it has been 4 months since i have been able to climax. I am a sexual person and love having sex with my husband but don’t know how to explain to him that sex is just not working 4 me anymore. I am still young and I am really sadden and hurt because of it….”

Linda:

“I too had a hysterectomy that could have been avoided. It completed destroyed a very active and important sex life. I have tried all sorts of measures (including hormones) to improve function and though some helped to a small extent, nothing has ever been the same. 7 years later, I am saddened and feel destroyed. I try so hard to maintain some level of intimacy, but there just isn’t enough feeling to make it worth it. I miss my old life, and the closeness I once had. I just feel so hurt that one of the most important aspects of my life was robbed from me by a greedy doctor who just wanted to make money. I would do anything to have my function restored.”

Tanara:

“I had an hysterectomy 04-22-2015, the reason was I was suffering from a prolapse uterus, it actually fell out my vagina so the doctor tells me I need a hysterectomy and now I’m so emotionally cause it was like taking my womanhood away.”

Leigh:

“Sex yup still painful even more so than before days after I hurt.”

Erica:

“I’m 44…. I’m experiencing severe… have no sex drive… I’m an emotional basket case…. I’m so depressed and feel like I’m 80 years old. I’ve been reading all of these comments and it brings tears to my eyes.. I know I’m not alone.”

Michelle:

“when I think back to before my hysterectomy I was a happy bubbly person with a good job, husband etc I changed becoming old tired in constant pain not interested in sex the depression etc the list just goes on and on. I have never been right since…. I have just started in a new relationship and a sex life which is very difficult as I have zero sex drive also worry due to the rectal prolapse, during sex I am experiencing sharp pain that radiates into my hip leg etc and it is now constant I have been on morphine for pain for many years it helps me cope but it is not helping this pain.”

Suz:

“Sex is not the same libido is gone and nipples no longer harden.”

Ginger:

“sex too painful, this surgery ruined my life”

Kat:

“This surgery did great damage to my body and affected changes in my hormone levels, libido, etc. but nothing as drastic as when I had the oopherectomy to remove the second ovary. Since that time, libido has been all but nil…. even with uterus-only removal, you will most likely be left with the issue of no longer having the capacity for uterine orgasms (if you did before), only clitoral. While you can learn to ‘enjoy’ these orgasms, they are much more shallow and sometimes even frustrating.”

Jay:

“If only I could turn back time, I would vastly change my decisions…. I certainly miss my uterus and cervix sexually, with orgasms being a shallow version of what they use to be.”

Karen:

“I had a hysterectomy almost 3 months ago. I hate what has happened to my body. My vagina is not even similar to what I remember. My breasts are so painful I don’t know how to aleviate it. Sex…misery. I feel so alone…. I feel a needling pain in my lower abdomen/vagina.”

Lisa:

“I am reading this in absolute disbelief. I feel heartbroken and sick for any woman that has been falsely led by their doctor and has had their womanhood remove. Those organs make us a woman, they are so much more than just organs, they effect every fiber of our being. I’m so sorry, I really can’t even express myself in words.”

SharonJ:

“The thing is, 4 years post-op and my story is darn near identical to the ones I found here. The endometriosis I had my whole life (I’m now 46) was a cake walk compared to the hell I’m in now!… I have to put Lidocaine inside my vjay 15 mins before sex & then lube just to make love with my husband of 26 years!”

ATH:

“The thought of having sex makes me cringe because I know the kind of pain that will follow. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING??”

Rebecca:

“Was advised only option was a total hysterectomy had it on 6th Febuary 2014 recovery ok. Sex life non existent major loss of feeling, weak pelvic floor – leaking pee when exercise, sneeze, rarely laugh. Feel the lowest I have EVER felt in my life….”

Lisa:

“8 months after Hysterectomy, I am miserable…. The Posterier repair is a nightmare. I am too small for my husband and along with the lack of sensation, its not fun at all.. Even after 6 vaginal births, I always enjoyed sex. Though it feels great to my husband, and he is sensitive about my feelings, I have now developed an anxiety about sex.”

Sheli:

“Im 11 weeks post op of my hysterectomy. My doctor… said id have a brand new vagina and be cancer free and id feel like a brand new person. Omg! Exactly the opposite has happened…. at this point, i wish i wouldve never had the surgery even if it meant keeping the cancer. Im a 34 year old…  feels like im 90.

3/4 of my vagina has no feeling…. I have to I guess spend the next 20 years trying to figure this thing out. My sex life, relationship with my husband has all been affected by this horrible surgery…. I feel like my life is over. I’m changing and developing new symptoms all the time. My husband is saying I’ve changed since my surgery…. I fear i may lose my husband and with losing myself like i have due to this whole experience of the surgery, its just too much to bear. I feel like nothing and a no body. I don’t feel like a woman anymore. I feel like I’m a disappointment to everyone and don’t know how I’m going to live the rest of my life like this.”

Jake writes:

“My wife and I had a very good sexual component to our relationship and post surgery it is simply not the same – not at all. It is always funny to me how “doctors” tell you everything was/is fine post hysterectomy. I can absolutely tell you that it significantly and permanently damages/destroys the sexual component of a healthy relationship – PERIOD. Don’t bore me with the “well there must be something else wrong… blah blah. My wife and I had a very good sexual component to our relationship and post surgery it is simply not the same – not at all. Think long and hard and then think again before you allow any “doctor” to permanently mutilate your body.”

PS says:

“My wife had a hysterectomy about 18 months ago. We have been married for 24 years and have always had a passionate sex life. Two weeks ago, she informed me that she no longer has romantic feelings for me and has asked that I not make sexual overtures to her of any kind. This hit me like a ton of bricks. I have read this article and feel very strongly that the effects experienced by WS describe what has happened to my beautiful wife. Needless to say, I am devastated. As a 49 year old man, I’ve realized that sex is actually more than sex, it is an intimate connection that forms a bond. That bond is now missing and I’m reeling… I feel an absence of affection not only for myself, but for my children. My two daughters have reached out to me repeatedly saying that they feel a loss of connection with Mom. I’ve had a few weeks to process this, and as time has passed, and as I have thought more and more about what WS has written, I have begun to grieve not only for myself but for my wife. I feel very strongly that a part of her is now missing.”

Joshua:

“I’m unsure how to ask for help but my fiance had a cervical hysterectomy back in January of this year and she seems to be having issues with mood swings sex drive depression and fatigue. I want to help her and be there for her but no matter what I do or say doesn’t seem right. How can I help her? This is cause a very big strain on our relationship. Plz help me help her.”

I caution any woman who is told she needs a hysterectomy and/or oophorectomy or is considering one to heed these comments. With the gross overuse of these surgeries, chances are she’s being sold a false bill of goods. It’s not always a good idea to rely solely on your doctor’s advice as Someone Who Cares cautions:

“After 40 years of enduring this “disabled” existence, it breaks my heart that no matter how many of us try to warn other women, in various ways, the number of these destructive surgeries continues to increase, not decrease.”

A complete list of my articles can be found here. The HERS Foundation is a good resource for understanding the lifelong functions of the female organs. It also has information about gynecologic conditions and treatment options. These two sites, Gyn Reform (especially the studies/citations link) and Ovaries for Life, are excellent resources about the gross overuse and harm of ovary removal or loss of ovarian function after hysterectomy.

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Unspoken Dangers of LEEP Procedures

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Dyscariosis and the Threat of Cervical Cancer

I was 33. I was in love, although more realistically heartbroken and pining.  This wasn’t unusual for me, I was never very good at choosing a partner, I was fiery and volatile in my lifestyle, and had gone through a series of painful and passionate relationships in my late 20s and early thirties. My addiction to love was always to my detriment. When I fell, I fell hard, and always with the wrong ones. But yet somehow despite the pain, in this wild messy state, I thrived. It drove me forward. It was part of me. I was addicted to life and love.

I saw myself growing old, laughing. I loved to dance, to flirt, to draw and create characters in my mind and in my work. I used to cry, laugh and make jokes. I was employed in a creative job and was passionate and truly alive.

In August 2010, after a routine cervical smear. I was informed that I had a small cellular change in my cervix, known as mild dyscariosis, threatening cancer if left untreated. I was told that I would have to undergo a minor procedure to remove these cells.  The procedure was called a Loop Electrosurgical Excision Procedure, or LEEP. It is also known as LETZ in the US, and is similar to a Cone Biopsy.

No Nerve Endings in the Cervix?

I was slightly worried, but reassured by my doctor that there was nothing to even consider as a side effect with the LEEP procedure. There was no risk at all, she said, as (which you may also have been told), there are apparently ‘NO’ nerve endings in the cervix.

I was surprised and dubious at this statement, having not only experienced pretty much all my pleasure and emotional pain from precisely that region, but also been used to very intense cervical contractions, both though orgasm, and the dull aches of menstruation.

I went online, and even more surprising found nothing to explain this part of the body neurologically, at all.

Nervously I agreed to the procedure and endured it without complaint.

Post LEEP Nerve Damage

On returning home however, things soon began to feel very different. After a few days, possibly a week, I was suddenly struck with a dark, eerie hollow emptiness. I knew I had been cut into, and was therefore injured, and so put it down the possible fragility of healing. But it wasn’t long before I shared my first sexual contact, and then things then became very real.

Where once there had been a rush of blood and sensation, there was nothing. No electricity, warmth or change in my body.  I was even more shocked, however when the orgasm I was expecting, had virtually vanished into thin air. Like the muscle had literally been cut out of my body. I felt hollow inside.

As the horror set in silently, as I suddenly faced the realization that this wasn’t just a fragility, or a healing problem, something I could run away from and escape. This was very serious. A deep and disturbing deadness inside, that as I explored further seemed to become emptier and more upsetting.

I tried to fantasize, to escape. I asked myself, who I could bring to mind for comfort. Something that would previously always entertain and distract me from a discomforting moment of loneliness or boredom, and would easily generate a feeling of hope and love and a rush of desire. But nothing happened.

Damage to Those Nerves Affects Everything

A black hole had appeared in my mind, shrouding the imagery I craved, my past memories and lovers, had vanished and lost all meaning. I literally wasn’t able to visualize or feel. I went to bed, and the room suddenly felt more real, solitary and isolating than it had ever done before. Even loneliness, and the painful ache for another had completely gone.

It felt that in my womb, something had been cut. As though a strong elastic band that held me together in my middle, that resonated and warmed me, and joined my mind and body with the sparks and excitement of life, had been severed.

My creativity soon also turned to a dismissal grey around me, I could see it, but wasn’t able to respond. I couldn’t feel expressions, connections, vibrations or meanings.  As if life itself became fake and tacky, like I was watching a play or performance. I was looking at the actors but could see the ropes being pulled backstage, just waiting for the end of the show. My world had lost its meaning and its colour.

As I seemed no different on the outside, I managed to I hide this for a while at work, but my job was creative, and I knew it would not be long before I would have to leave. Previously I had always felt like I was waiting for my big moment, the next big thing, anticipation that one day my magical hidden talents would be discovered, that I had something amazing to give the world. But now all that was gone. I felt tired, old, and like my cells couldn’t grow or re-generate.

Post – LEEP Side Effects Ignored

I returned to my doctor straight away. But was told to wait. After six months I returned again and persuaded them I wanted a gynecology referral. This however also did not provide any explanation or acknowledgement of the changes in sexual or sensory function I had complained about.

This became the beginning of the nightmare cycle of denial, rejection, and disbelief, which made me realize there was something very wrong in the system that needed addressing.

I went back, time after time, in the hope that there might be some kind of seed of understanding or explanation or support, but I was left searching on my own for many years that pushed me into a deep despair.

I felt like it was neither accepted, talked about, nor considered a medical issue. There was no interest or understanding.

A Culture of Silence in Women’s Sexual Health

There is a culture of silence about women’s sexual health that has shocked me. There are many I have spoken to who have found it so hard to understand why any of this matters, or are too embarrassed, or think that this it is just about the act of having sex, but it isn’t.

The womb, and the vagina-brain connection is a sensory organ, a barometer for so many of our emotions and sensations. From fear, to passion, love, excitement, trust, feeling, hearing music, and of course drive, attraction and sex. If it is damaged, the effects span throughout your whole life and can affect your entire sense of perception.

My Symptoms Are Not Unique

I eventually discovered that the symptoms I was experiencing were not unique to me, and were not, as I had begun to accept, a form of madness that needed desperately to be concealed.

They were not only real, but well documented, and not uncommon in women who have undergone total hysterectomy. The removal of not only the womb but the cervix as well.

Although no doctor had at any stage revealed this to me.

I chilled further when I learned that practitioners now commonly avoid the cervix in order to preserve a woman’s health, sanity, and sexuality.

It seemed unbelievable that they could they be still cutting away at it, seemingly at random in other operations. Young women. Potentially being completely shut down. Without any warning of the statistics, or what is at stake.

How was it they were not making the obvious connection and trying to keep us safe and intact too?

Since this happened, the shame of having lost that sacred sense of feminine, seemed to lurk around every social interaction.

I could no longer get excited about the prospect of a social event, in my neutered state I was no longer a player in the game, or felt of value to anyone.

I felt unarmed, vulnerable and an outsider.

I could no longer command, or desire attention through that unspoken physical energy. An instinctive movement of my hips, or a raised head or glance through a crowd was a lost language. Direct eye contact confused me. I no longer could read or translate these bodies.

Having always known instinctively, and successfully, how to use my body to communicate and to express and perform, meant I now had become terrified of bumping into old friends or having to explain anything.

I felt like I had been hit round the head and had forgotten who I was. For a long time the shame of this affected my entire existence. Something that I have learned every day to try and fight with all the strength I have.

Recovery Post LEEP

At times I think I am getting better, tolerating my body in a new way, and thinking that I have created this whole thing in my mind. But then at other times I am floored again upon realizing it is real.

I am not sure of the facts about neurological re-growth or brain plasticity to heal. But I know this is a good start for a positive outlook. Or perhaps just after such a long time the hope that I will eventually just get used to living in a different mind and body. Learning new ways to live, feel, and accept what I have.

We Are Not Alone

It was such a relief to learn I was not alone out there. I finally found others, and medical practitioners who were also as passionate about this subject as me.

I found within some medical papers online, the names of neurologists specializing in the field of sexual health, and in my search I soon became a point of contact for their work.

This has become the beginning of the collaborative effort to bring this out of the shadows, and into a period of new research, progress and change.

The science behind this could take many years, however this collaboration is making steps that could protect many women from surgical damage in the future.

The threat of cervical cancer is something that must not ever be ignored. We all need to know the facts, but there are less invasive treatments. We need to be given a choice and made aware of the risks.

I have decided to write about my experience in the hope that, whatever the true neurological explanation, our experiences as women will eventually be taken seriously by the medical industry.

We need more women to support us, and we want to help bring this from online to the real world where these issues can be addressed.

More Information about LEEP Side Effects

For more information about problems with LEEP, Cone Biopsy, TVT/Transvaginal Mesh, Labiaplasty or a similar vaginal or pelvic surgery, I found the physicians and researchers at San Diego Sexual Medicine to be very helpful, in particular Dr. Irwin Goldstein.

Web and Reading Resources that Provided Solace and Support

Hormones Matter

HERS Foundation

Books

Vagina, by Naomi Wolf

The Science of Orgasm, by Barry R Komisaruk, Carlos Beyer-Flores, Beverley Whipple

The Brain that Changes Itself, by Norman Doidge

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Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby: Hormonal Contraception & Libido

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“If sexuality is one dimension of our ability to live passionately in the world then in cutting off our sexual feelings we diminish our overall power to feel, know, and value deeply.” –Judith Plaskow

This quote raises an interesting question. If owning our sexuality gives us power, then who benefits from limiting that power? And why is limiting that power an acceptable side effect of hormonal contraception?

During the Nelson Pill Hearings, Dr. M. James Whitelaw testified (page 6015): “How many adult males would be willing to take an oral contraceptive faithfully if they were told that instead of a possible 50-plus adverse side reactions only one remained, that being the possible loss of sex drive and libido? [Laughter]”

What is the implication here? Women can be denied their full sexual capability but the idea of men suffering the same is laughable? Holly Grigg-Spall speaks to that in her book Sweetening the Pill (page 50):

“The pill’s impact on the libido has been publicized but it is generally dismissed with humor. The libido is seen as distinct from women’s emotional and physical health, whereas with men it is linked. The female sex drive is not celebrated or seen as essential to her femininity or sexuality… Research that indicates that lowered libido is experienced by a large number of women on the pill is undercut by the cultural assumption that most women have little real interest in sex regardless of this drug.”

Sexy But Not Sexual

And she’s right. Women are constantly told to be sexy but not sexual. It would seem that hormonal birth control would provide exactly that type of woman. One who could have sex without the consequence of getting pregnant, therefore highly desirable to men; but one who could not fully embrace the power of her own sexuality due to a medication-induced lack of libido. Is this really what we want? A society of women that are physically available for sex but completely disconnected from the powers of her own sexuality? Again I will ask, who benefits from keeping women in that robot-like state?

“The quality of a woman’s sex life, unlike that of a man’s, does not seem to concern the drug companies or the (male) research establishment… Women who reported changes in their sex drive often heard that old refrain: ‘It’s all in your head.’ But the male sex drive is considered so important by the drug companies that it is always studied in conjunction with new male contraceptives, just as it is almost always mentioned in arguments against the condom.” –Barbara Seamen in The Doctors’ Case Against the Pill

It’s true. We hear the argument that condoms lessen sensation during sex. But for whom? Men. Yet for women who use hormonal birth control, low libido and loss of sensation during sex are some of the least dangerous side effects they can expect. Heather Corinna put it so well in her article “Love the Glove” that even Grigg-Spall quoted her:

“If we’re going to talk about condoms changing how sex feels, we need to remember that something like the pill does too, and, unlike condoms, it changes how a woman feels all the time, both during and outside of sex… Other methods of contraception can cause pain and cramping, unpredictable bleeding, urinary tract infections, depression and a whole host of unpleasant side effects. Condoms are the LEAST intrusive and demanding of all methods of contraception, even though some guys talk about them — without considering this perspective — like they’re the most. If guys could feel what life can be like on the pill, use a cervical barrier or get a Depo shot, they’d easily see condoms for the cakewalk they are.”

It’s not just the pill that is damaging to women. As Grigg-Spall explains, Depo Provera (“the shot”) is specifically used to decrease sex drive in sex offender rehabilitation programs. There is something seriously wrong when a birth control option offered to women is the exact same medication used as pharmaceutical castration for sex offenders.

FSD – Female Sexual Dysfunction or Female Sexuality Discouraged?

According to a study of female German medical students published today in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, women taking non-oral and oral hormonal contraceptives were at highest risk of Female Sexual Dysfunction (FSD). Interestingly, women using non-hormonal contraceptives were at lowest risk for FSD, more than women not using any contraceptive.

“Sexual problems can have a negative impact on both quality of life and emotional well-being, regardless of age,” said researcher Dr. Lisa-Maria Wallwiener of the University of Heidelberg, Germany. “FSD is a very common disorder, with an estimated prevalence of about two in five women having at least one sexual dysfunction, and the most common complaint appearing to be low desire.”

Side Effects – Affecting More Than Just the Patient

Why is this okay? Why do we accept this? If a woman is experiencing sexual dysfunction, it not only affects her but it affects her partner as well.

Dr. Philip Ball testified about this very problem at the Nelson Pill Hearings back in 1970 (page 6493): These unhappily newly married women do not know if it is the wrong man, the wrong town, the wrong job, the wrong year, the wrong apartment, or yet something else, when it is really many times the wrong pill.

And he’s not incorrect. Research now shows that taking birth control pills affects women’s taste in men. According to this article from the Scientific American, women on the pill seem to prefer men who are genetically similar to themselves.

“Women who start or stop taking the pill, then, may be in for some relationship problems. A study published last year in Psychological Science found that women paired with MHC-similar men are less sexually satisfied and more likely to cheat on their partners than women paired with MHC-dissimilar men. So a woman on the pill, for example, might be more likely to start dating a MHC-similar man, but he could ultimately leave her less sexually satisfied. Then if she goes off the pill during the relationship, the accompanying hormonal changes will draw her even more strongly toward more MHC-dissimilar men. These immune genes may have a “powerful effect in terms of how well relationships are cemented,” says University of Liverpool psychologist Craig Roberts, co-author of the August paper.”

How any of this is connected to relationship issues, divorce rate, infertility, one can only speculate. But it’s clear that the sexual side effects caused by hormonal contraception are no laughing matter.

Sex is a big part of life. The ability to connect with each other and derive great pleasure from sex is not just a perk of being a human. It is our birthright. And to deny that birthright is to limit our power as women. That’s not what I consider an “acceptable side effect.”

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Love Hurts – Sex with Endometriosis

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 “Bolts of electricity shoot around my abdomen and pelvis and down my leg as I lie on the pillow-topped hotel mattress, attempting in vain to remain silent. My husband’s arm, heavy from sleep, is draped over my aching body. I turn to look at him as he snores softly, blissfully unaware. No one told me the wedding night the night I dreamed about, would end with unbearable pain. Is this normal? Should it have felt like shards of glass stabbing me while moved inside me? I try not to let him hear me crying as I close my eyes and try to ignore the sharp electric-like currents terrorizing my body…

There is no one to speak to. I am the sole occupant of a vast and desolate island on which my innermost secrets cannot be shared, not even with my husband. Who to speak to? What to say? What to do when the event that should bring pulsating all-encompassing passion brings only excruciating pain instead? Who to tell when the one act that should create ecstasy and bliss causes pure agony?  I should adore the sense of unity I feel with my husband when we are together, treasure each second that my body fuses with his. But, instead, all I feel is the white-hot sear of pain when he enters me, the blackness of despair when I know that I cannot share my pain with him and the blushing red of embarrassment when he knows I am not being honest…

How can I share the feelings of torture that overwhelm my body when he is inside of me? How can I let him know that he, my beloved husband, is the cause of my misery? How can I share with him that his body alone creates immense wretchedness in mine. I will never do that to him. I will never make him aware that he is the source of the agony that rocks my body through and through. Instead, I will live with this agonizing, heart-wrenching secret of mine. This secret that isolates me, that creates a fissure so large between me and my husband that I wonder if we will survive as one. And I will continue to allow my body to be exposed to the beatings and abuse that are, in reality, tender loving touch.” 

Sound familiar anyone? Can you relate? Do you know what this girl means when she describes the pure agony that consumes her as she tries to have sex with her partner? Or the emotional turmoil she experiences as she tries to hide the pain from her partner? Well my friends, that girl is me, writing in my journal for the first year of my marriage.

You see, for many women with endometriosis, myself included, sex is not the erotic, passionate and pleasurable experience that we all wish it to be. In fact, according to a recent study in Italy, more than half of women with endometriosis experience dyspareunia, or genital pain associated with sex. Two types of dyspareunia exist. The first type, called superficial dyspareunia, is when the pain is felt at the opening of the vagina, and the lower part of the vagina. This pain is usually felt during the act of penetration and can easily be diminished by ceasing penetration. The second type, called deep dyspareunia, is felt deeper in the pelvis and thighs and can last for hours or even days. Women who have endometriosis, specifically recto-vaginal endometriosis and endometriosis on the cul-de-sac experience this type. There are many medical causes for dyspareunia other than endometriosis, such as vulvodynia, vulvar vestibulitis and interstitial cystitis. While this condition has historically been defined as a psychological issue, more recent treatment approaches lean towards the theory that dyspareunia is a combination of both physical and psychological causes. (More on dyspareunia theories).

In women with endometriosis, physical pain during sex is due to the presence of lesions found all over our insides, specifically behind the vagina and in the lower parts of the uterus. Having anything inside of us pushing or stretching those growths causes sheer agony, also described as burning, stabbing or deeply aching pain. It is intolerable, enough to make us scream, cry, or even throw up. This pain can start as early as the beginning of penetration and last up to 24-48 hours later. Women with endometriosis who have had a hysterectomy or who are going through hormonal treatments may experience pain due to vaginal dryness as well.

Dyspareunia has also been connected with more negative emotional attitudes towards sexuality as a whole. Studies have found that complaints of pain with sex are associated with low physical and emotional satisfaction, as well as decreased general happiness. Depression and anxiety were found more often in women with dyspareunia than control subjects.

Experiencing dyspareunia causes a loneliness inside of us that is worse than the most agonizing pain. Aside from simply not being able to connect sexually with people that we care about, we often feel compelled to hide our feelings from our loved ones so as not to hurt them. We would rather harm ourselves than tell our partners that they are hurting us. Keeping that a secret from them isolates us terribly, and fills us with a guilt that eats at our hearts. We are also consumed with incredibly strong guilt stemming from our inability to allow our partners the pleasure we know they deserve.

Fear of rejection is also a large part of the emotional pain associated with sex. We worry that our pain will cause our partners to reject us, whether because they have sexual needs that are lacking, or because they don’t want to cause us any harm. Ironically, many of us have experienced the strange situation in which we find ourselves begging our partners to have sex with us even though we know we will suffer.  Aside from the pain experienced by those of us actually suffering with this disease, it is also important to mention the emotional anguish that our partners who don’t have endometriosis go through. They too have feelings of rejection when we refuse to have sex, and can sometimes feel insecure about the relationship. Unfortunately, their need to be loved and love another is sometimes inadvertently ignored.

Due to endometriosis-associated dyspareunia, sex is often a dreaded nightmare fraught with worry. We worry that we’ll have unbearable pain if we choose to have sex and that we will offend our partners if we choose not to have sex. We worry that when we do want to have sex our partners will refuse for fear of hurting us. Instead of bringing us closer to our partners, sex puts a strain on the relationship that is hard to overcome.

This post was published previously on Hormones Matter in January 2013. 

 

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In Search of the Female Orgasm

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My family does not talk about sex. In fact, I can only pray that my mother doesn’t happen to get on Facebook, see a status with a link to this article and read this; I blush at the mere thought. I like sex (now I’m really blushing), but in respect to how a lady should act when discussing, or rather not discussing it, I’d say that Bree Van de Kamp from Desperate Housewives is the best way to describe how I was taught to act. You can only imagine my surprise when I recently discovered that there are entire careers and movement dedicated to sex, outside of sex workers, for OUR pleasures.

Intimacy Coaches

Recently, I read an article on how yoga helps intimacy (a lady is not supposed to talk about it, that does not mean she can’t read about it!). I already find yoga challenging, so trying to incorporate some of the poses into sex just left me in awe of the writer. As I read through her bio, she mentioned that she was an “intimacy coach.” I’ve met wellness coaches, career coaches, life coaches, and more, but I have never met an intimacy coach. When I read the bio, I was instantly intrigued by this ‘unprofessional’ (as Bree would see it) profession.

Intimacy coaching, and intimacy, is more encompassing than just sex, but I find it ironic that we live in a society that is constantly bombarded with erotic imagery and yet require intimacy coaches. Turn on the television or open a magazine and there are flashy images of Victoria’s Secret models who are nearly nude. Family television shows have evolved from Leave it to Beaver to pregnant teenagers, scandalous affairs and intimateless relationships, and the commercial breaks air Viagra and other sexual dysfunction ads (try explaining this one to an inquisitive child!). We are a culture that appears to be obsessed with sex, but, judging by commercials, one that doesn’t sexually function properly at all. Intimacy coaching is probably a lucrative business or at least should be.

I looked up “intimacy coach” and a variety of sites popped up. Some practitioners have an MA (I’m assuming in psychology?) others were just listed as “coaches.” I’m assuming someone decided to jump on the “coaching” bandwagon and open a school to certify people as intimacy coaches, but I couldn’t find too much information that wasn’t an ad or blog for an a actual coach. Have you ever sought treatment with or know an intimacy or sex coach?

Slow Sex Movement

While researching intimacy coaching I came across the Slow Sex Movement. Nicole Daedone, the founder of One Taste and the origins of the Slow Sex Movement, describes her company as “a business dedicated to researching and teaching the practices of Orgasmic Meditation and Slow Sex. Though it embraces certain tenets based in eastern philosophy, One Taste’s central focus is female orgasm and sexuality.” An entire sexual movement dedicated to the female orgasm from a cultural perspective not medical – it’s about damn time!

The slow sex movement practices “OMing” or orgasmic meditation. Similar to regular meditation, it is a mindfulness exercise in which the object of meditation is finger to genital contact on the woman with the focus of both partners developing connective resonance between them. There are group classes, private lessons, coaching opportunities and more (including retreats where participants live in the facility and practice daily OMing). I find it interesting that the focus of this movement is on the woman’s body and pleasure, but does not require love, romance or flirtation according to a NYTimes article. Is the belief that for women sex and orgasms are more emotionally driven than men, false?

Here is an introductory video to OMing, but it is graphic so watch it in private and without children present: One Taste Intro Video

Orgasm, Inc.

Why are women so embarrassed to talk about our sexuality? Why is it taboo to talk about our clitoris and the fact that it has more sensory nerves than any other part of our bodies including our hands and, sorry men, the penis? I’ll admit, I’m stepping way outside of my comfort zone to publicly write about this subject, but why is that? If we can’t talk about it, how are we to address problems like female sexual dysfunction. A problem that has created a multi-billion dollar solution in the form of pharmaceuticals.

Filmmaker Liz Canner, recently made a documentary examining the mainstream and less-mainstream practices that women are seeking out in order to deal with sexual dysfunction, called Orgasm, Inc. I watched this documentary when it popped up on my Netflix account. It’s a very interesting look at a very quiet, but very booming industry. One statistic that is repeated over and over when researching this topic is from the Journal of American Medical Association (JAMA) and states that “43% of women in the US suffer from sexual dysfunction.” As you can see in the preview, Oprah called it a “secret epidemic.”

The various salesmen, medical professions and others throughout the documentary talk about female orgasm as if it were as legendary as a leprachaun riding a unicorn through fields of gold plated daisies. Perhaps these women just need to practice OMing more?

Vagina Monologues

 

If you have never read or seen this play I am commanding that you do it today. Right now. It will make you laugh, cry and love being a woman even more. Eve Ensler wrote the monologues after interviewing over 200 women on their sex, relationships and violence against women. She asked questions like, “If your vagina could talk what would it say? SLOW DOWN.” She talked about first periods, smells, and everything that is not proper to talk about. After seeing a photograph and magazine article about girls who had survived a rape camp in former Yugoslavia, Eve went there and interviewed Bosnian women refugees in camps and centers.

Eve started a nonprofit, V-Day, a global movement of grassroots activists dedicated to generating broader attention and funds to stop violence against women and girls, including rape, battery, incest, female genital mutilation (FGM) and sex slavery. Theaters, schools, individuals all around the world perform the Vagina Monologues, raise money and awareness to break the silence of violence against women.

Conclusion

Why? Why is it so taboo to talk about women and sex, be it pleasure, violent, medical or just casual? I used to babysit for old neighbors – a boy and girl (ages 10 and 7 respectively). One time the little girl fell and as she stood up, she announced, “Ouch, I hurt my vagina.” I remember being uncomfortable (much like our current legislators), and then feeling uncomfortable with myself that it had made me uncomfortable. It always starts with our children and teaching them the proper anatomical words rather than making our sex organs taboo. Is the Western world’s inability to address female sexuality the reason so many women are considered “sexually dysfunctional” or is there a biological component? What do you think?

This article was published previously in Hormones Matter in June 2012.

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